Leaving on a jet plane...

Well; I'm off.  On an adventure.  I don't think I have ever been in Sydney for Christmas and New Year. My niece, the poppet, is picking me up at the airport. I was going to catch two trains and that didn't worry me, but as she lives near the airport she said she would wait and grab me before going down.

I text her this morning to say the plane is delayed by three hours, damn it!  She said no worries, she'll wait!

So; the adventure begins....

3 Days until Christmas!!!

It's only three days until Christmas.

I gave myself a present; I decided not to sue the hospital and Doctor.  Quite simply, it's too damned hard!  So I decided to pay my house off as quick as can be!

I feel good.  I feel better than I did before all this happened.  I'm a positive person; so looking at the positives isn't that hard.  Firstly, I never would have had a house if not for this.  Secondly, I am a nicer person.  I have less friends, but am nicer...  Go figure!!

I haven't worked that out yet... lol

5 Days until Christmas!

It's only 5 days until Christmas!

Today, I've got my work lunch on, which should be fun.  Secret Santa's and all that. After that, we are finishing work for the year!  Yay!

I'm off to Sydney Christmas eve so the next couple of days I'll be packing stuff...

Quiet time.... Can I have some more!

Today I got up made breakfast and ate it outside.  It's warm when you are in the sun and sheltered...  It's not as warm with no protection. Sharpie watched me so it was a bit for me, then him.  I figured it was okay as we weren't inside.

Then I showered and dressed and took him for his usual walk.  We saw Maxine and Monty and so Sharpie got a play with Monty while Maxine and I talked.

The house is tidy; if not clean.  But I'm not investing too much in keeping it spotless at the moment.  I'm going to Sydney and Ally will be here looking after the dog.  I know housework is not exactly her forte lol; or perhaps it will be when they move.  I'm crossing my fingers that she find a job in QLD; that's where they're moving to.   God knows, there isn't anything here for her.

I'm about to get ready.  I am going for coffee with Allan (and so I better get out of my old shorts and a threadbare winni!).  I'll do my hair and put a little make up on.

I don't know if this constitutes a date for him or not; but so far, I like him...  He plays it just right.  Doesn't inundate me with contact.  Isn't so desperate that he has to see me all the time.  With me, it works better to just let it evolve slowly...

Ooooowwww!!!! That hurt!

Today, while going to work I fell over! God. Kill me now!

To make it worse, I was in the middle of Bay City Plaza; up on the first floor just walking past National Geographic - and fell hands and knees on the ground.  A couple and a school teacher stopped to see if I was alright. Beats the last time were I fell over in Market Square and dragged my carcass away like quasimodo saying 'I'll be alright'...

I reported it this time. Last time I didn't but weeks later I was in pain with my back so I was taking no chances!!

Stop the world!!! I want to get off!!!

How relaxed I sounded yesterday!  Oh it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas is it?
Who wants bloody Christmas?!

I don't even really have to do anything this year.   I got my two main pressies.

In my family, all our names go in a hat and one name, for one person is dragged out. They buy something good, and it's from the whole family.  Saves you doing the 54 pair of sox and jox that you used to get, combined with kitchen crap you are never going to use. If it goes in the kitchen; and I want it; I buy it!

So a couple of years ago, my kids and I decided we'd do it.  So far, no drama.  There are only a few rules.  You must have it available to them Christmas day; and you shouldn't do gift cards.  That is one cheat that someone breaks every year but no one has not got a present.

I'm flying off to Sydney this Christmas and New Year.  I've got my pressie packed; although I had to buy for my mother, she doesn't get it until Christmas; so I've got to drag it on the plane! This year, I'm catching a train down to his house.  Well, two, but who's counting.

I think of it as an adventure!!!

It's beginning to feel a lot like Xmas!!!

It's almost Christmas!  What am I doing..?  Well I am jumping on a plane, going to Sydney where I told my brother not to bother picking me up, I'll jump on the train!  Oooo an adventure!

I plan to paint with his girlfriend; she's an art teacher who sells paintings. I figure this might be for me.  I'm artistic;  I've just never spent the time.  Well I like to think so, anyhow!!!

Then we'll do Christmas and New Year!

Last night we did Coldplay...

It was absolutely fantastic!  They are the performers of our generation; and I should know... I've seen Bob Dylan....  Bruce Springsteen...  Simon and Garfunkel!!   And a slew of different bands!

But these were better.

They involved the audience with a light show.  Chris Martin, for all intents and purposes, looked like he was having a blast.  Hell, the even got Warnie out for some harmonica; which was pretty good!

What a fantastic night!

Yay!!! Coldplay!

Can't talk...  I'm off to Coldplay with my daughter!

Last night....

Wow.  That's all I can say.  I saw my date again last night and he put up my dog bark control; fixed my letterbox and my front gate. To repay him, I cooked dinner and opened a bottle of champagne.

I feel like a school girl again. And believe me; it's been that long since I liked someone straight away.

Usually, I feel nothing much. After a month or two, I like them. After a few more; I'm there.  Hell; the Hunchback that I started this blog over took years!!

I was beginning to think that I had lost all feeling! (except for Sharpie lol)

I can't believe it's the 5th!!

It is Monday the 5th of December, 2016.  This blog has been going since 2010.

It's seen one live-in lover and not much else in the action department.  I've been out with guys; but they all seem "too" something (including the one that was 10 kilo heavier and had fungus fingers...)   It will be interesting to see where the new romance goes...  I like him; and that is a good start.

I guess I really am the serial monogamist!
Anyway; I digress....

Today I went to rehab where they think I'm almost finished in the healing deptartment. Well not to wax lyrical but so did the Neuro two years ago at the rehab place I was staying in!  He told me, I'd probably gone about as far as I was going to...  Yeah, well I'm 90% up on that.

They did give me some strategies to use (one being talk slower; giving myself time to work it out upstairs); I laughed.  I mean you can't talk fast your whole life and learn to speak slowly!  I'd rather not speak at all when in strange company!  I like the moments of silence.  Gives the other person a chance to speak...

Wow... Just wow...

The date went fantastic.   We went to Le Parisien for lunch, followed by a trip to Werribee Zoo; followed by my house to talk.  He didn't leave until a bout 7.30 (I'm guessing the time; I was too transfixed to know.)

He played it exactly right.  A kiss goodbye; and that was it.  Not all over me like a rash.
Oh; it was exactly right.

A date....

Yep.   I've got a date.   Again.

Wow; he must like me; brain damage (often you can't tell) and all.  What's worse (or better, depends on how you look at it...) is that I really like him too.

Still, it is early days yet; but it's just good to feel something.

Today we are going to a French restaurant for lunch, followed by a long walk.  I don't know where; I assume it will be picturesque!

Back and awake...

Well today I'm awake...  It seems that the last few days have been exhausting!  Flying in at 1.30 am is just too difficult!  Anyway; I made it through the trip to central Queensland and decided that I'm never, ever living there!  It's too hot!  I'm peeling and my skin is like a leather handbag - and that is with block out on everyday!!!

So... I'm settling in to work nicely and the house is clean (finally!  Even the oven is gleaming!!)

Next is Sydney for Christmas and New Year!

Dissatisfied.....

Today I got up, had breakfast and then went walking.

I'm not sure why; but I'm feeling extremely dissatisfied with life. My sister in law gave me a Vogue. I've brought it down the street and had a coffee on my own. It only made me feel worse. All those beautiful things and places; that I will never get to again. It makes me feel like a cat on a hot tin roof. I want to go; but I don't know where. I want something; but I don't know what. 

Sun... Sun... more sun!!

Well I'm still in central Queensland and the weather really is brilliant.  It's bloody hot; but not in that 'hot north wind is damned hot' way back home in Victoria. It was 37 there the other day; hotter than here. The next day, it was 10. Beautiful one day, crappy the next.

We've had breakfast, I'm dressed... now for going in to town!!

Beautiful one day...

Perfect the next is right. That describes life here in Queensland well enough. Well the weather at least. But it doesn't matter where you are if you are stuck with the wrong guy. I'm watching my sister walk on egg shells all the time and wondering if I want that...

I guess it doesn't mean I have to have the same... but...

Can't believe how much I slept!!!

Last night I slept like a log. It's quite busy around the house. We are nearly in town and there's 7000 people here; not 700.

They must say 700 to get the point across! There was basically nothing open yesterday being Sunday; I was still running with that lets go into town. We did. It was dead.

I'm not sure what where doing today. I'll get up in a minute and shower; then pop my head up and find out!  My sisters at work today. She's a teacher and amazingly this is the education hub of central Queensland. There is about ten schools here and they all offer boarding in for the kids that come from sheep stations.

Lots of kids. Not much else. lol

Beautiful. The countryside is gorgeous.

I don't think I've been up this far north before. It's as if I was in a dream. Such a glorious place.  Like Hawaii, it's humid with palm and banana trees everywhere.  The houses are so beautiful; all up high on stilts with gorgeous wrap around verandas.  And they are cheap!

Today we went sight seeing to a little town called Mingella... there is not a garden in site!!!  It was the 'outback', complete with a weird pub we stopped for lunch at. They had 2 things on the menu. Steak sandwiches and burgers with chips.  After going to the loo, a corrugated shed up the back of the property; I thought I may skip the lunch; but it was great.

Now we are back at my sisters. I'm in bed listening to the lizards outside. I'm exhausted which is weird. According to my Fitbit I've only done approximately 5000 steps. I usually manage 12000 by this time!!

It's beautiful up here....

I'm lying in bed. The sounds!
Exotic birds are calling.
That's it!  Ahhh I think this will be  good for me. 

Up up and away!

Well I'm off to Townsville!

So you don't miss me when I'm gone, I'll blog!!!

Getting Ready....

I thought I'd pause in the middle of getting ready for the Roaring Twenties ball to blog a little...

If your wondering why I'm getting ready so early; my brother is picking me up at 5.30.   At least I think he is (note: better check what time I'm getting picked up!)  So I've had a shower and done my hair.  When I finish blogging, I'll put my makeup on, step into a dress (I've 3 of them to choose from) and throw the boa around my neck and then shoes!  All in all, it should look okay!

But I've gone off track...

Life is funny.  First your miserable; then happy; then miserable...  And so it goes.  I guess I'm somewhere in the middle today.  Tomorrow I'm flying off to Townsville and then going to Charters Towers.   If you don't know where that is, don't feel bad.  Neither did I.  It's about an hour inroad from Townsville.

Still we are making the trek up to see my sister, who turns 60.  Boy.  Old...

Mum and I are going tomorrow.  I figured we may as well take a week!  It's 40+ up there.   I'm going to lie in the sun a bit.   There's only 700 or so people, so I doubt there is much else to do!

Oh, I found this song from Noah Gundersen and The Forest Rangers.  It's called Day Is Gone (Sons of Anarchy).  No particular reason... I just like it.

I'm off to central Queensland on Saturday...

I've started packing, not much.  My sister, who we are going to visit, said it was 41C there the other day...   God.  I hope the heat doesn't kill me!  I think we'll relax; and that's about it.

Hell, there isn't a lot to do in Charters Towers, population is about 700.   But my sister is turning the big 60.   I don't think I ever thought about having a sibling turn 60.  A sixty year old sibling!

She is of course, much, much older than me!!

Much older....

Love this...

Versus this....

Feeling like crap...

I don't know why I'm feeling like I want to cry all the time.   I try not drinking of a night - I feel like crap.  I've tried drinking; I feel like crap (but a little better).  I just don't get it...

I've got a house.  A fabulous house which is big enough for me and Sharpie!  There's a spare room for when someone wants to stay and a study.  There is a great kitchen, dining and lounge.  Garden - neat.  The back is a little haphazard because of Sharpie and all my daughters things are in the garage - but they'll soon be gone.

I've got a good car.  A job.  3 years left on my wage insurance anyhow but....

I don't feel right.  I walk around the cemetery every morning and I think what is the point?  All these people probably planned; what for?

I wish something would happen.  A good thing for a change!!!  :(

I like this song...

Sigh... A day. A boring normal day.

The lawyer said she can't sue; so I found another one.  Trouble is, the first one is holding all the files and won't release them; unless I pay.

So much for no win, no fee!

Well... Hmmm... I've been thinking....

I've been thinking.   (Don't be sarcastic....)  I want a great life!

Love.  A house.  I want the happy ever after; and all it entails.   And I'm not going to settle.   I'm going to wait for it.   Okay, if it doesn't come, I'll live.  I'll get over it.  But that is what I want.

So...  That's one decision down!
I've got the house and dog; Hell, that's something.   :)  

The Walking Dead....

Can't post.  Got to watch The Walking Dead!

Well today ought to be interesting...

Well today is 'date day'.  I'm going to meet a guy for lunch...
You wouldn't believe how few and far between the nice guys are.
But so far, so good.

We've been talking for a while via email.  I like it that he wants to take his time.  So many are in a rush that it scares me off.  I like a slow burn.

Then I'm going to come home and cook...

I found this song which I like.  A blast from the past...

The weekend... Is a right off...

I've been in Youtube land from when I decided that I loved music, just as much as ever...

I'm like a musically minded Alice; down the rabbit hole.  Youtube...  It moves from one damned thing to the next and I can't get enough.  I'm watching the top singing auditions from those freaky shows.  I don't watch them in the real world, but I used to spend a day catching up watching the great ones every so often.

I'm back.  I'm getting back.  My memory is even not too bad; if I do all my work arounds.  I still have hellish days where I cant get a sentence out and I don't like to have to actually speak to people I'm not comfortable with, as it is much worse.  But it is getting better!

In the words of my sister...

And the world wept.

Trump.

Wow. Things are turning around...

I've had this song going through my head for days.

I loved music.   I think it died a little with my brain; but I notice my sheer love of it, is coming back.

Lately, I've been getting records out and playing them.  I have this groovy little turntable that I got one night after seeing it on Suits and enough records to sink a battle ship! Anyway; I've had music going in my head.  I guess when it first happened, I couldn't multi task.  The music had to be off...

I'd rather listen to music than do just about anything else...

My life in spades... Or clubs...

My life continues to be, or become, more of the same.   I started work because I was bored witless.  There were only so many cafe's my dog, Sharpie, and I could frequent. Not that it wasn't great; it was.  But it was the same every single day.

Work has been good.  I'm now one of the team and I like it.  I like getting up and having to dress; going out the door and sitting in town for that one cup of coffee before heading over the road to be at work.

But...  it is just the same.

I feel like I'm an alien in this world.  I wonder if anyone else having experienced a brain injury feels like this; but then I realise, I always felt this way.

More work... Umm ???

Today one of the girls that was on the panel when they hired me, told me she's leaving.

I guess I won't be the newest person in the building which is a.o.k with me!  Of course, she asked me if I wanted more hours; over the next few weeks certainly.   Sigh... I said yes.

Why would I say yes?  Well when they give me work that isn't boring, I could do it all day!   Well I figure I could.  So I guess it's time to work out if I'm restricted to 3 hours a day or not.  I've been tired, but it's a great tired.  It's a good feeling contributing.

Now I'm going to start going to some of the gigs that they run; after hours.   That will be the telling point!

Candle party... WTF???

Part of being back in Geelong is that my Mum, sister and brother are here.  In fact, E and July work about 2 minutes from where I work, which is kind of cool!

My brother calls in on his way home sometimes for a bevvy or glass of red which is great.  We spent so long miles and miles apart (July lived in the UK for years), it is nice to think they are not so far away if I need them; and vice versa.

My mother conned me into going to a candle party today..?   WTF!  I don't even like candles!  Well; I do but not to decorate the house with!  Sheesh!  So that is my exciting day.  I've got to go pick her up in St Leonards and drive to Torquay; go to a candle party with a bunch of really old bats before doing in the reverse to go home!

Lucky I don't have anything better to do!   I love Geelong!  :)

Just settling into a life...

Amazing.  2 years ago, well nearly, I didn't know my name...

I was talking to the doctors but not understanding why they were looking at me as though I was a martian!  Well, I was speaking swaheli or some such shit...  "The blue fish in the forest!!!"  translation:  "what is wrong with my brain..?"

But now; I am settling into this life.  It has taken almost 2 years, but I feel okay.

I have a life in Geelong, Victoria, Australia.  I moved from Melbourne.  Bought a house that is a great place to see out my time in.  I bought a dog (what for?  I didn't like dogs!) Well I do now!  And I got a job.  Not just any job either; the first one I went for at the Geelong Chamber of Commerce.

Okay I'm only working on the front desk and then only three hours a day; but I can stretch my wings because I have proof that my brain, my file cabinet in my head....  Has only fallen over!  It hasn't lost anything!

It is a relief...

God! Bloody RSVP!

They are idiots!  Prove who I am they say...  Well who have they been taking money off???

I'm too mad to blog!!!

Last night was party time...

It was my sons birthday and so me and the Dog trotted off to go spend time.  They live in Cranbourne; well they kind of do.  He is a FIFO (fly in/fly out) working in the mines so he is away about twenty one days a month.   She is a nurse and she's going to work for my old hospital.

I went up earlier and had lunch with the "Hunchback".   I find it amazing that we can be friends; but he is my best friend and I'd rather have him in my life than not.  I guess with brain damage, comes clarity.

I got there in the afternoon and let Sharpie run amok with Narla, their dog.  Sharpie is about one month older than Narla, but she is leaving him behind in height.   She's a kelpie, so she's energetic.  Sharpie has been asleep all day today and he's no slouch when it comes to exercise!

So we drank and ordered pizza for dinner.  I think there was about 20 of us, really nice bunch of people.  He's landed on his feet.  I love his gal.  Love her kids.  I just wish that they would save for a house.  I don't want him to make the same mistake that I did because he probably won't have the brain crap to get him the deposit!

Today, I have done nothing other than drive home, but I'm exhausted.  So I'm in bed typing this.   Al has gone to the shop because I can't cook dinner.  So it's grilled cheese for tea!

Bloody!!!!!

It's about 7.45 am.  On my phone, I set a reminder about an interview...   The trouble is, it doesn't say who it is with or what its for!!!!

So I have to ring the places I think it might be with and lie.

Stupid short term memory!!

Back in the swing...

Looks like I'm back in to the swing of things...

I trot off to work each day, but only for 3 hours.  Today I had coffee with my brother after work.  Tomorrow I'm having coffee with my sister.

Being brain damaged is strange.  My brain can do all the things it could before.  I'm just as good at working out programs and thinking outside the box which has them impressed at work...  But when it comes to speaking, I sound like an idiot!

Often, my brain can't think of a word.  It's on the tip of my tongue!  I used to think it was drinking, but it isn't.  It is the brain.  Stupid brain.  Unless I get a job with the NDIA (national disability insurance agency) where they will understand, I doubt I'll ever earn enough bucks!  And I've only got 3 years of wage insurance!

I've got to think of a way to get rich; and quick.

Get rich quick eh..?  LMAO!

I'm still here...

Well so much for my job.   I have applied for several at the NDIA and I got a generic email back saying that I will be considered for one; so when they rang, I assumed it was that!

But it was a "client" thing.

So I got up early; showered and dressed.  Learned my lines all week!  For naught!

I said to the woman that I've been waiting so long I've almost got it!  She said that once accepted, I'm accepted for life so I should do the plan and everything.  That way, if they stuff up again but don't kill me, I'll already be in it.

Kill me now.
Stuff up again and not kill me!!!!

Wish me luck...

I'm going for a job tomorrow!

I'd better scat to bed lol

Thank God. It's Friday...

I didn't realise that work was taking so much out of me.  But I can only hang my head tonight, so exhausted am I!

Dylan came over for a drink and to get his pressy tonight; although I could barely keep my eyes open.  Thank God, he's gone out for tea with his father!  Tomorrow I'll be okay and he's coming for breaky.

It will be nice.  Two of my kids in for breaky...

Another damned day...

Don't you feel like life is one big mouse wheel and we are the mice..?

Every day it seems like I'm doing the same thing!  Get up, walk Sharpie, come home and get ready for work.   Go to work blah blah blah!

I am being careful what I wish for as usually, when I wish for something to 'shake up my world'; it is some ruthless move that makes me wish for my boring life again...

Work again!

How quickly we zoom into work mode!  

I have walked Sharpie all around the cemetery in the early morning light.  It's nice; so clean!  We took our usual route and he is getting a little older now.   He'll be one next month and so I've started to see a change in him.  He walks beside me (most of the time) and the lead doesn't pull tight.  Plus he isn't doing that awful playful biting!  It makes me think I'll keep him around for a bit longer lol

So I have to get ready and go to work.  

I think I'm in a routine!  I didn't expect that it would happen so quickly but I get up at 7.30.  Walk Sharpie.  Come home clean up and type my blog.  Then I get ready and leave.   Park out of town so I have to walk some more.  Stop and have coffee in town.  Do my day and finish!

I think I like it!

Here it is!!!

gofundme.com/suing-my-doctor-2twpsdgb     well; let’s see how I go!

Bummer... You can't sue...

I didn't think about it; it wasn't a way out or anything but I knew, before the lawyer spoke that I wouldn't be able to sue.  It took two years but finally, an answer!

Looks like you can go to hospital and be given brain damage and get zip.
Pity I didn't trip over an apple peal!  lol

Lucky I wasn't counting on it!

Wow. Work. After 2 years!!

Well it is next month, so if you shut one eye and squint with the other it is two years...

I don't get nervous anymore.   My neurosurgeon saw to that.  But I intend to go to bed early tonight and maybe not drink at all this week.   :)    I get smashed really easily but I'm not stupid...  I hardly have any.  

I drink I think because I'm bored!  Not because I have any great affection for it but it puts me to sleep and makes me not think about things.   How sad!

Home Again... And guess what? I got a job!

It was the first one I went for!  I'm shell shocked?  I kind of believe my brain is stuffed; but maybe it isn't...

So I start on Monday!!

Jeez. I hate waiting!!!

I bought a new washing machine.  That's where the trouble began!

I got an email saying that the driver will call between 6.30 - 10.30 am this morning.  Trouble is, I didn't get a phone call!  So now I'm trying to work out with the guy who organises it what the hell is going on!

And I'm going out for lunch at 1 pm.  I'm not NOT going!  It is a welcome to the workforce gig!

We don't breed idiots over here....

Lucky my girl fixed my laptop.  The space bar fell off (with me tugging it and prodding it with a knife; but I thought it resembled those 1990 laptops where the keys come off.)
Anyway, I'm back to a laptop again and have the girl to thank for it.  I couldn't do it; I was figuring I'd have to buy a new one!

So...  I had a great weekend!  Thank you Isobelle and Adelaide!  All we did was eat, draw, write, gossip and drink.  What fun.  There should be weekends allotted to do just that!

Isobelle's house it right on the Great Ocean Road, so I never get sick of the view.  I went to sleep with the sound of the waves pounding the shore each night; so slept like the dead.

    

Who wouldn't want to live with views like this!

It's late here....

It's late here.  I am home, back after spending the weekend with my girlfriend Isa down the coast.  I've got a broken laptop so this won't be a long entry!!!!!

Sigh.  The coast.

Today I did stuff!!

Well today I slept in, then rushed around to walk Sharpie.  If I don't walk him, he is a nightmare puppy.  Rabid!  Only another year or so of this...   :)

My best friend emailed me asking if I wanted to do lunch, and so we met in town at this little restaurant.   I sent this grant to her to apply for; but the trouble was it had to be in today.  So she sat up and did it, lol.  I figure it was meant to be.  Someone sent it to me, I sent it to her the day before it closed and she completes it!  Needless to say she felt exhilarated!

Tomorrow I'm going down to her place for the weekend.  I'm taking my drawing stuff (I'm not very good but she thinks it is practice!) so we will draw, gossip, watch movies, and walk along the beach before I come home.

After lunch, I came home and did a quick clean of the house before jumping online.

Tonight I'm doing dinner with the same friend from last weekend; who was good value and I got to laugh.  Tomorrow I'm doing lunch with another friend; a girl this time.

Things are looking up down here!

Imagine... Having a voice....

Today I got up, lol, that's about it.

I walked Sharpie, (which I'll have to do again before dark!) or he gets seriously naughty!

I got a quote to have some concreting done by some guy; he was tall and slim and went to the wrong house first, so I had to go out the door, open the gate, up to the next door neighbours and get him.  He quoted me $500; and all I have to do is move the damned plants.  Yay!

Sharpie, because it's got a gravelly type rocks out there, gets in and digs and throws tiny rocks all over the yard; and worse, over the concrete!  It's seriously driven me mad!

He left and I cooked soup.   Potato;   :(  which I threw a carrot in there... I shouldn't, but hell, one can only do potatoes in so many ways!  My potato thing I've been on now for 22 days.  I still like them, but am seriously getting sick of potatoes.  I don't know how I'd cope if I didn't slink out for lunch or dinner occasionally!

I've been stuck on youTube since about twelve...   I'm in a mood.  Like Alice down the rabbit hole.  I just find one thing, it leads me onto the next; and the next... And so on

This I just love.  The Penny Orchids singing Your Vacant Eyes.

This too.   Nouela   That all!

I have boring life....

Last year, if anyone had told me I'd be bored for an extended length of time, I'd have laughed at the ludicrousness of it.  Well actually, last year I could barely utter a few words, so brain dead was I!  But when I was well.  Before they maimed me; before I changed doctors - I'm sure you get the drift.

Now my life seems mundane.  Did it always seem like this?  I don't think so...

Today I got up and walked Sharpie.  It was bordering on rain so I marched through the cemetery going a different route this time.  I didn't want to get stuck in the rain, and I didn't want to have my morning cup of tea.

We made it back; and we were dry.  Bonus!  Everyone have a party!!  This is the most exciting thing to happen to me all week!

Then I had to get ready to go into town.  The job finding place is across from Bay City Plaza and I forewent my cup of tea during my walk, because I knew I'd have it here.  And let's face it, a cup of black tea doesn't fill me up; but they still charge four dollars for it! Outlandish!!  (When did I become my mother!!!)

Then I went across the road to meet Susan who was in the office on her own.  So we chattered about jobs before I left again.  I still had a half hour on the metre so I stopped and got my nails done...  And that was it...

I'm sitting here with chipped nails (because I can't keep still); thinking about removing it. But dinner has to be done first.  It's ten past five and Dylan will be here for dinner soon...

And I'm going to kill myself with boredom...

Out and about...

Today I got up early at met my friend for breakfast at the Sheraton.  I don't want to name drop but she's a big deal in the world of writers, a world I want!

We ate as much as we could (diet holding off on breakfast, I had no lunch and I'm having potatoes for dinner!!)  I could have rolled out of there!  She is a laugh; it never ceases to amaze me how well we get on.  I went to stay on the coast with her after my brain was done.  I was at my worst.  In bed by 7 pm and not speaking because I couldn't gather my thoughts!

That is it!  That's all I've done today other than research a job.  I don't know why I never did this before.  I used to like to think I could wing it.  New Flash!  There is no such thing as winging jobs!!!

It's amazing...

A little while ago I was whining that everything was done and it was only 2.  Since then, I've done some stuff on the computer; Ally got home.  Claire called in to visit.  I cooked dinner.  Now it's 1/4 to 8!!!

Just another Manic Monday....

Well.  It's Monday again.  Go figure!

And I have done all the normal things I usually do throughout the day.

I walked Sharpie.  Twice!  I'll have to take him out again later on today because it's supposed to be stormy over the next few days.  God; I'm sick of the rain!  Bring on the sun I say!  Not too hot; nothing over 40.  Oh how I'd love a couple of days that are straight 30+!!!

I got up early; got to get used to living an early rise if I'm to get a job...  And so I sit here at 2.30 pm with everything done!  House is clean.  Washing done.  I've had lunch.
Dog walked.  And I'm scratching my head wondering what I'm going to do now!

I guess I could apply for something...

Sunday.... The Blue Note....

This morning I awoke with a hangover.

Grrrrr I never used to get them, but when they dicked around with my brain, they turned it on.  Sigh...   Hangover - On.  Up and Down emotions - Off.  Can't really complain!

We had a laugh last night.  I was still grinning about it today!  We went to Caruggi Italian Restaurant for dinner which was yum!  I had a pizza (oh move over potato diet!!!) and a skinful of wine whilst I got all the gossip from work.

Then we walked up the road to the Blue Note; a fun piano bar where we, the customers, get to choose what he plays.  It was rockin last night!

All is right in my world; well nearly all.  I need a job.  One that I would like.
I'm going to apply for another job today.  That will be two in two weeks lol.
But I don't want to rush it.....

Only a second of text...

I only have a minute today.

I got up; walked Sharpie as usual.  Then I came home and showered and put a dress on.  I drove to St Leonards and went to the yacht club, as they had jazz there.  I went with Renae my sister in law, and Ian my brother.  It was good fun but I couldn't settle; which sucks.  The sun was shining and it was relaxed!

I came home late (after picking up Sharpie from my Mum's where he ruined the yard!!!) got ready and now I'm waiting for Tim to get here.  Think we'll yap our heads off over dinner and then we go to the Piano Bar.

The guy is really cool; playing whatever we suggest.  I had a great time last week!  It was booked out but he said he'd keep my name in case someone cancelled.  Guess what! Someone cancelled!

So... Fun!

A job!! A job!! My kingdom for a job!

My days seem to flow along the same lines lately.

I get up and walk Sharpie; doing the normal route through the cemetery (I haven't seen a ghost, nor are there any vampires lurking around).

He jumps all over the place and tries to play; unless you're a bird.  Then you are going to die.  They should die.  It is the beginning of swooping season and they are just starting.  One swooped us the other day and I thought Sharpie would pee down his leg, he got such a fright lol

He doesn't run wild but he tries...
Little Shit...

There are a heap of flowers scattered on one grave or another and he sees them, and tries to steal them.

I keep to the pathways and try to keep him in line!

Then I came home and showered, dressed and squeaked out the front door.

I had to go into town to see my job finders.  Not that it is any hardship.  I don't have a lot to do any day and they're nice.  She said that I had set the bar in the job I went for yesterday but that there were problems...  Centrelink thinks I should work 23 hours.  The job is 15 hours.  I don't quite know who makes up their mind at Centrelink but that is crap...  So she explained that if I don't get 23 hours, there goes the relief payment for them, and they wanted it.

Oh well!  They're still trying to get me but I don't think I'll be waiting for them.  So; I've got several here to apply for.  Oh how I hate this, but I could use the interview practice!

Other than that, my day has been housework followed by cooking.

I've got a friend coming down from Melbourne tomorrow, Tim.  I've found a groovy place for dinner and I'll see if I can get into the piano bar, but they're usually booked out for months...

I'm bloody tired...!!!

Yesterday I spent a full on day.  I started the day by walking Sharpie (little cutey) and he did the usual route around the cemetery, pausing for coffee at the Hub, before going home.

After that, I had to get dressed up and go into town.  I went for an interview, the first one since my ABI!   But I'm ready; ready to at least start trying it out.  So the job I went for is with the Geelong Chamber of Commerce and it was held in their boardroom, with plate glass windows that have an excellent view of the bay.

I met my sister for coffee first and she laughed, saying that if I got it, her, my brother and I would all work 2 seconds away from one another!

The job sounded ideal.  3 hours a day, so it will not overly tax me; and varied enough so that I won't get a brain wander in the middle of things...  Actually, it sounded fun.  I haven't heard anything yet but even I couldn't hope to get the first job I've gone for...

After, that I went home and walked the dog again.  I'm sure he was grinning...

My son came over for dinner so I had a roast to make.  The diet went on hold for the day as we ate, drank and basically, didn't give a shit about weight lol.  This morning when I got up, I gave the half a leg of lamb the was left over to Sharpie so I wouldn't eat it  :(

I'm still at 4 kilo lost.  Wish it would hurry and move...

WTF..?

Where has the day gone!???    I looked up and it was over!

I didn't get that much done today, obviously!  I studied a bit for the job I'm going for on Wednesday, but God... The last time I went for a job, about six months ago, I sounded like a half wit!

I figured I knew it all in my head; and I did.  The trouble was getting it to my mouth in a timely fashion!

Just imagine your brain is a big old file cabinet.  Rows of drawers.  All alphabetically ordered!

Someone asks you something, and you go right to were the answer is...   In seconds!

Well its as if my file cabinet has tipped over.  So I have to rifle through all the mess on the floor to find the answer; and sometimes it takes time.  It is getting shorter; I'm getting quicker... But still...

Wonder if it's possible to die of boredom..?

Ho Hum!  I can't rouse myself to do anything today!  I took Sharpie down to the beach and stopped for a cup of tea (or 2).   My friend Tom called while I was there and asked if I wanted to do a walk.  I said I was in the middle of mine, sitting at the Sailors!  So he turned up, looking very spiffy in a suit.  His brother is a minister and was having a farewell service; enough said...

Hmm, apart from that... Nothin!  Nada!

I've cleaned the house on the inside.  I only did it yesterday but dog hair gets everywhere. It is moulting season (I seriously wish I'd have thought about that...)  So after cleaning inside, I did the outside too, which is in a mess due to the new lawn.

Its already 20 to 4!!!   I feel unsettled.  Feel like I should be doing something; but have no energy either!

I think I'll have an early tea, and early to bed!  An early night!  That's what I need!

It's raining... :( Again!

After two days of sunshine, it's raining again...

I took the dog for a walk; I tried to get in the "holding" off rain, where it isn't falling quite as much as before.  But getting wet isn't too bad today, it isn't cold.

I've been researching a couple of jobs.  One I have an interview for and another I'm going to apply for.  I didn't realise that there is so much work in looking for for a damned job!
There is.  I have to address the selection criteria of a job I'd quite like and the other that I've got an interview for; research the company and get up with all their news.

Trouble is, my mind starts to wander when I do it.  I don't think that is my brain.  In fact I think of always been a mind wanderer at anything like that...  So how do I get a job?

Damn.  I'm going to have to sit here until it sinks in.  :(

Wow! A real live friend!!!

Today I did the normal walk with Sharpie (who loved it) before coming home and getting ready to go out for lunch.

I met this girl at my course.  She was normal.  The others weren't; well weren't normal to me.  They were at various stages of rotting teeth; the young ones you could just picture what they would look like when they got older.  Sadly, they couldn't see it...

We scurried off for coffee most days.

She is a nursing sister; well was, at Western Health.  We get along like a house on fire!
The course finished but we went out for lunch to Jack Rabbit Winery and had a fantastic lunch.  She is here because her kid moved here.  In English, she had no friends.  Neither do I.  Seemed ideal!

So off we went and sat and ate, drinking a bottle of red and gossiping our heads off.  It's one of the only times I have felt relatively normal since being here!

Next week we are going off to Mr Willis.

A Beautiful Day!!

Today the sun was out!!  Yay!!  It's only meant to be here for a day or two and then we are back to winter.  Oh well.  A day or two is fantastic.

I got up and walked Sharpie through the cemetery, stopping for my usual coffee half way around.  He likes going out!  Being seen as quite the dog around town!

Then I came home and fluffed before going to the gym in Barwon Heads and having a work out.   I use the term 'work out' loosely'; I'm the youngest in the room and the others are varying degrees of fitness...

Then I came home and showered and dressed and met a friend for beer for the arvo.

Now I'm waiting for my daughter to come and grab me and Sharpie, take us to Eastern Beach for a walk.  The third walk for the day!

The weight is still coming off... Slowly!!!

Oh God... Today I went to the last of my classes...

Today I went to the last of my classes run through my "back to work" people.  We have had sessions on "hygiene".  On washing your hair and putting on deodorant prior to going to an interview.   If there has to be a whole lesson on that, I'm tipping they wouldn't get an interview.  Enough said.

There was only the four of us left. The rest; God knows!
The upside is I made a friend, and she's normal!

A nursing sister from Melbourne who doesn't know anyone here!  We decided that we would do lunch each week, starting with Jack Rabbit Winery on Thursday.

So that consumed my day.  

I came home and walked the dog around the cemetery.  The weather was supposed to be nice; instead there was a cold wind and it started to look downright spooky so I hot footed it home.  Vacuumed and tidied (back to vacuuming every single damned day) and then collapsed in a lounge chair.

Bummer.  I didn't get my TV remote yet; which sucks because I can't watch a downloaded show.  Pity that's all I watch.  I can hear Home and Away on the TV; makes me glad I only watch downloaded!!!

Where do they go..?

Yesterday was hard.

We went to my great nephews birthday party; he's one year old and an absolute little darling!  There were all kinds of people there chatting and drinking, but I couldn't get that it was Father's Day out of my head.

I think since having my brain issue, that I look at things differently now.   There have been millions of movies and talk about life after death; but when I almost died, there was nothing.   Not a thing.  A great big zero!  Makes me think we just lie down and stop.  But Dad can't just stop! Disappear!!

What was the point then?
What are we here for?

And that makes me think about
Emma Louisa Shepard, age 4.
She died April 8, 1859.
Her tombstone is where I go walking and it doesn't matter which way I go, I always see it.
It's a damned big cemetery too.
What did she do or achieve in her 4 years..?

And who leaves flowers on a little girls grave that died in 1859..?  There is obviously someone that feels as I do...

Father's Day xx

Happy Father's Day Dad.  I love and miss you.  xx

Getting harder...

I'm still on my diet but I don't know how long I'll last!

Potatoes; after 4 days are beginning to taste the same!  Let alone the reality that I've had to go out to two do's; take my potato and then sit back while everyone else has roast pork!

Although I'll admit; I feel better.  Even my hands that have been playing up with sore joints, are better.  There is next to no pain at all in them!  I could open any jar!  They told me that the spud, has a natural anti inflammatory...  But it will come back with the reintroduction of food.

Sigh....

Losing weight the easy way....

I've now lost 2.5 kilo in 3 days...  I've started this new diet and it is working.  I can't believe it.  And I've had 2 glasses of red each night before I went to bed!

It's morning here.

I'm about to get up and shower and then...  Well I don't know what I'm going to do then.
No Sharpie to worry about...  I just may go into town and walk around!

Success! My pipe is good!

Well my neighbour fixed my pipe and it's working great; not a leak in sight!  Till the next thing goes!  I bought this house in December, moving in on the 20th.  So far I've had the pipe, the shower screen several times (it's gone again at the moment), the loo, the tap in the bathroom; I think that is all for now!  It's enough!

Ally took Sharpie to Melbourne yesterday.  She's not coming back until Sunday.    :(
I miss him! (and her, but she has to learn to get a life!)  I bought him a "control harness" which should control his walking!  He loves to run off on me, at the beginning of the walk (he's got energy to burn) and the end of it (he can sniff home) and he pulls my arm out of the socket!

Yesterday I cleaned the house from rooftops to rafters; knowing the dog was on a sleep over, I thought "Yay! No dog hair!"  I don't have enough yard to have him outside all the time; I should have thought about that...  but he's cute as a button (except when he's biting...) so worth it.

Today I wondered what I would do...

I got up and walked the same path I walk when with him.  Stopped at the  coffee place, except I had black tea due to the diet; and then I wondered why I was paying $4 bucks for a weak black tea!

I came home and went to the gym for a workout.  On the way home, my brother phoned and said he was going to my Mum's so I drove over there, grabbed them and took them to the pub for the afternoon.

And now, at 5pm I'm home.  And I haven't had time to re-varnish floor where he cut a hole in it yesterday so he could fix the pipe ...  I'll do it tomorrow!  (at least its not open!!)

Fixing my pipes....

I happen to live across the road from a plumber...  I didn't know he was one until this damned pipe burst and I happened to have asked him "God. Do you know where I'd get a plumber??!"

He is over here now, covered in spider webs, crawling around under the house.  I can't even look in the huge hole that is cut in my floorboards (where the dining room table goes.)   It makes my skin crawl!  All I can think of is that it better be back together before tonight!
I'd hate to think of what crawls out of there at night!

There is webs and dirt and bits of old wood and stuff!  He has surfaced several time; each time looking dirtier than the last...

I hope he fixes it!!!!

Yay!!!! I've got an interview....

Okay, I hear you say it's only an interview; but that's better than I've had lately!  Mind you, I haven't been game to go for any jobs lol, mainly because I don't know anymore what I don't know...  I went for this one because the job service I'm using, put me forward for it.
It is only for 3 hours a day so I will be easing back into it.

If I get it, then I should imagine I will spend a little time getting used to going to work again.  Filling my days in!  Not being bored or wondering where the time has gone!!

I figure that we just get used to working.  I'm hoping my world will just swell to fit it in; but I'm not 100% sure...  When I'm used to this job and getting up, then I'll see about moving back into project work...

That's the good news.  The bad news is I've done a pipe under the house :(

Your hair!!! It looks great!

Well I got my hair done the other day.  Cut short.  Hmm, I must admit, some of the comments I've had makes me wonder why it took me so long!  Admittedly, it's harder to do.  I was getting used to scraping it all back in one pony tail; but its worth the extra work.
Use of the hair dryer and the straightener works!

Today, I got up early and went to my job finding place for a course on "finding a job".  I always feel a tad out of it.  They are a bunch of strange ducks!!!

One of the guys there has no teeth, but things he says are amusing !  Two of the women don't want to work; one (who I like) because she is about 10 seconds off retirement so no one's going to hire her and the other because she has a work cover claim against Coles.  In effect, she's never going to get hired.  Then you have the guy who came in today; didn't say much so I don't have an opinion.  There are two young guys.  One sits with his back to the group and ignores us for the most part; the other loses his cool and shouts a lot until he's ordered out.  Great.

The girl that I like is, or was, a nursing sister.  I am, or was, a project manager.  The others have for the most part, never worked or worked stacking shelves.  It is funny really because the guy with no teeth seems quite intelligent.  Makes me wonder what makes them all tick...

Then I came home; walked the dog.  Now I'll cook myself dinner, keeping it simple but nice because tomorrow I'm starting the month long potato diet.... (don't ask... Look instead)

And then I'll watch a movie before bed.  I'll probably watch it in bed!  I just remebered that I have no remote!  Stupid Sharpy chewed the remote and one of the books from my cabinet today!

Life just keeps on keeping on.

Just hanging!

By the time I got up this morning;  got dressed and went to see the acupuncturist, the day was almost half gone.  I stopped in town because I wanted to get a new fitbit; an Alta.  It feels very swish and is clocking my steps no problem.  Better than the last one I had.  I couldn't see anything unless I looked at it on the computer or on the phone.

I got home; walked the dog through the cemetery.

I always wonder while there, reading the headstones.  'So and so, beloved or adored wife/husband of so and so.'  What makes them adored..?  And did they know it wile alive, or did the wife call him an arsehole while he had an affair on her..?

And all the while, there are the little kids.  They make me sad.

Sunday! House work day!

Last night I went for dinner at my brother's and sister-in-law.  She had spent all day on the house; which sparkled!  So today, I've cleaned. Well I'm nearly done; waiting for the floors to dry so I can get cleaning products from the bench over there to do the bathroom with!

I put it off.  My niece stayed last night too, so off we went this morning to take the dog for a shampoo and blow dry; then we went for a walk and ended with breakfast at Sailor's Rest.

Then I took her home...

I love my niece in law.  She's great.  Her husband left her; or she left him after discovering he was having an affair.  This caused her to lose weight like there is no tomorrow and he took most of the friends. (They sound kind of sucky so that isn't any great loss if you ask me!)  Anyway, in discussing it, she said "I would make a fantastic Private Investigator!!"

Well!

Then I remebered I wanted to get a business up years ago.  I think I still have the logo's for it I designed!  The Vensus Trap (and it had a venus fly trap in it... lol).

I'm going to do a little investigation about getting it up!  Doing a course!  I don't need an interesting life!   I'll just live vicariously through my clients!

Yawn worthy life...

My yawn worthy life continues.

I haven't heard about a job.  I'm losing weight; albeit slowly; but still losing...  I've still got no man I could be crazy about and I couldn't deal with one anyhow.  My house is immaculately clean although the backyard leaves a lot to be desired thanks to Sharpie.

We are doing it up; puppy proofing the lawn.  God, that dog has cost me a fortune!  Puppy proofing the lawn has cost me about eight hundred dollars so far.  I had to get wire and soil and then more grass.  What for?  He only poops on it!  So I have to go clean it up!
Don't even start me on the 3.5k I had to pay to get them to extract a needle and thread from his belly!

So I have decided if my life is to spice up, I'm going to have to do the spicing!

I am going to get my hair cut short today.  Really short!

I bought a new dress and a cardigan today in anticipation of getting a job...  I'm going to the football tomorrow to see the mighty cats play the last home game of the season.  Go Cats!!!  Then finals start and the Footy Tipping concludes, which I won.   I can't believe it.
The closest is 6 behind me so I would basically have to royally fuck up!  Brain damaged and I still beat them all!  I couldn't do it when my brain was in tact. lol

Well the wish hasn't happened yet!!

Yesterday I was hoping something would change...   For the better!  To describe my life at the moment would be to say it is mundane... Dull... Uneventful! Wasted!!!

I described it to a tee in my blog yesterday.  I really do get out of bed, walk Sharpie; have coffee; do some housework and cook... That sums it up exactly.
Even my cooking is boring!  (It's hard not to be; I'm on a diet!)

I started thinking about it this morning.
Perhaps I'm so tired all the time because I am bored..?

I'm not stupid.  I know that you get tired with an ABI; but I'm exhausted!  I mean the file cabinet in my head has fallen over; it's lying there on the ground.  All the cards are messed up!  No more is there a neatness to them.  No alphabetical order and words or thoughts just leaping out of my mouth at will.  I shouldn't have to be fatigued all the time too.  That's really unfair!

So I'm not deluding myself when I say that perhaps my brain will expand to fit work in...

I mean I'm sure I'll be tired for the first month or two but I would if I had been on holiday for the last 1.9 years too.  As a way to combat some of it, I'm going to start getting up and going to bed at work times next week.  Just through the week...  As if I had a job already.

I can do something in that time.

Paul, my acupuncturist, said that people who have an acquired brain injury should learn something.  Something different like another language.  Apparently if you spend 15 minutes a day learning, it creates different paths in the brain. After he said that I went and bought the book French for Dummies (it came with a CD too!) and so I drive around listening to French.

Okay, the daughter laughed her ass off when she jumped in the car today!  But it's my brain!  And I can do what I want with it!

Sunshine. Barrhumbug!!

Pity the days keep on keeping on!

I do the same thing every day.  Boring!!
Get out of bed; walk Sharpie then that is followed by going somewhere (the acupuncturist or rehab) and coffee out somewhere nice; before coming home to start it all again!  I'll admit, the coffee usually has lunch involved...  No wonder I'm getting as fat as a house!
I think it is time to diet.

I know the old saying is "be careful what you wish for", but hell!!!!
I wish something would happen!
Something good this time!

There really is sunshine!

Well it is sunny today!

But I'm buggered!  They messed with my meds and that has got me sleepy as!  Oh well; due for a nice early night  :)

I'm still staying away from men.  I think I need to get my life in order before I can invite anyone else in.  I guess that means just getting used to all the alone time...

Pity that doesn't stop money flying out of my purse.  Ally has decided that she is redoing my back yard...  New top soil; new lawn stuff...   And this weird metal thing like fence wire to keep the dog from digging holes!

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows!

Your right.  That's not my life...

I'm a fifty something year old single woman.  I've just moved cities.  I've got brain damage; worse because people can't see it (no dicky limps or window licking!)  But what that does mean is that I'm not as quick and as sharp as I once was.   Wow; I should be writing advertisements for single woman; not!

Although I am starting to accept my life and even like it.  It just means that I have to fill in all my time; with useful stuff!

Dating is going to be hard, so I'll take that off my scope.

I really wanted to just spend some time with someone.  It doesn't have to be romantic! And therein lies the problem.  My friend Tom that I used to go to school with dumped me because he didn't want to be just friends.  WTF!  Can't gals and guys be friends anymore..?

So...  If I don't want to sit here on my own, it means going out.  Meeting people.  But how does a fifty something year old meet people?  And that, my friends... Is the biggest question!!

Wow. That was a waste of 6 Years...

Well I have to dump the Moodle again.  Why?  Because his son is turning Muslim in anticipation of a wedding.  I'd have liked to go, being that damned Moodle's partner!

Instead, I got an email that said:

"Saturday i've got breakfast with zen - don't know where don't know when then some time sat is the nikka thing - don't know where don't know when and it's direct family only sorry."

Oookkaay!  "direct family only".
I thought it was 6 years!
That makes me direct family!

But I decided that it is one of two thing.  Either he doesn't love me enough to make a fuss; or the wimp was brow beaten into dumping me.

Both of those things are bloody unattractive.

I deserve better. Even if I'm on my own; I'm tipping I would feel better.

Leaps and bounds...

Today I moved forward in leaps and bounds.

Martha, the girl from my insurance company who is helping me get a job, came with me to the doctors.   I felt a little strange taking her there and when she asked me if she could come, I cringed on the inside.  Still, aside from a little cringing; it went fantastic.

I go month after month and take all my forms but never actually ask anything.

She did.  She asked if there were any private practice places that dealt in cognitive issues and if there were, could I get a referral.  She talked about my being of higher intelligence (lol got them fooled!).  Went through my last job and my CV.  She was great.  Then she followed up by coming home with me and helping me to update my LinkedIn.

I understand that she wants to get me off insurance and working again; I think it would be great for me....  But I also said what if it fails.

She won't let me fail.
I think she is on my side.

Life!!! Doh!!!

Oh.  A life is what I'm supposed to be living while I wait to die!  I didn't realise!

I want a job.  Well that's good because the place that is helping me find one, have got me lined up for two.   Trouble is, I don't think I can cope with full time work; at least not yet. And the job I would like is a project manager full time.  But the other one is a receptionist; part time.  3 hours a day.  That sounds pretty perfect except for the reception bit lol

So I sit and wait!
Hope the right job comes soon!
Of course I have 3.5 years in wage insurance...

Can I have a job...

I want a job but I don't want to have to go in for an interview; or win them over...

It's kind of like a relationship!  I'd like one, but stuff going out with someone new.
Being nice!   I want to start in the middle; comfortable with one another.  What the Hell is wrong with me?  I used to love new!  It's one of the reasons I've had three ex-husbands!!!

But I'm too tired!  :)

Hi Ho, Hi Ho...

I went to a job placement company today; a prearranged visit.  I have 3 girls working for me; it's the benefit of having a brain injury!  (There are some....)

I think I have a shot at getting this job.  It's for the chamber of commerce and only people with an "issue" can apply.  Of course, they will probably see me as normal as do the rest of humanity!!  Well, that is until I forget something...

It is working fifteen hours a week.  I want to see how I cope with that before getting carried away.  It is only 8.38 pm and I'm exhausted...  I'm always pretty tired because my brain needs to rest (so the doctors say!)

Anyway, it is working reception and covering when the girls are at lunch.  It is only 3 hours per day, but it is a good place to start; and if I cope well with that, I'll try for a real job...  Well, in a couple of months.

Working. It's the life!

Well today I went to a job placement company to attend a course.  In actual fact, I thought I went well for the six or so hours I was there.  My level of concentration was good, although not "work", there is a certain amount of attention that you need.  There was a point just after lunch that I thought my eyes would glaze over but I think that was some of the other people there...

One guy has been out of work for five years.  He has no interest in getting a job; either that or he is so beaten down, he doesn't bother trying anymore.

I sat there thinking "Hell!!  This could be me!!"

But it can't be me.
I know I'll work again; if not what in what I want, in something!!

Ahhhh Men!

Today I had to get up early for Church.  My niece had her 1st holy communion.  I don't think I've been to church since I moved away from this place.  I don't go now simply because I don't understand it...   You live.  You die.  There is a bunch of stuff that happens to you in between; most of it bad.   So what?

So I checked my facebook after my sister checked us in.  My friend Anni wrote "are you bored?"  Then we continued a bit of "Praise the Lord!" and "Jesus" which made the time go quickly.

So we all went back to my niece's house for afternoon tea; or kind of a lunch time tea lol.  Then it was off home!

I decided that the weather is beautiful so I would take Sharpie to the waterfront.  We walked, stopped for a coffee and Quigley rang "where are you???"  So when he turned up, we had a little snack and went home.

I plan on doing nothing until I have to cook a roast!  Then I'll clean up and do nothing again!

WTF????

I'm exhausted again.  It's 4.30pm!  I've done a bit today but still!!

I started off getting up at 8.30 and took Sharpie down to the beach for a walk (read the bay, as opposed to the beach!)  We got down to Sailors Rest and stopped for coffee; where upon Tom called and came down for coffee.  Then we walked the dog down to the promenade (me chickening out and not walking him on it; the sign said so) but Tom, rule breaker, walked him otlandishly on it.  We were down near my car then but I walked Tom back and then back to my car.

I'd done 8000 steps by 11.

I went home and Quigley called.  He was being a nancy.  "I've got a cold. I'm full of mucus!" [read shit]  :)  so I told him to suit himself whether he came down today or tomorrow and went into town to meet my sister and her hubby.  We shopped (I got a great jumper and a coat) and then we went for a late lunch.

I got home about 3.  I've already had a shower; washed my hair and got some eye fillet out to have for dinner.  I'll be in bed early tonight!

Ahhh! I'm tired!

Well today has been a wasted day.  What's new I hear you ask?  My life is a wasted life!

Today I dragged myself out of bed at 7.15, ran around like a wild thing and took the dog to the pamper place... lol he smells fabulous!  Got his nails trimmed (because he won't let me do it) and thought I may as well pay for him to be shampoo'd and blow dried!

Came home and vacuumed the floors and stripped my bed before I went back and grabbed him at 9.30.  I just about pushed him out of the car with barely it slowing!  I ran him in, took off his lead and ran out the door.  Off to the acupuncturist...

I think it might be working; although I did say to him he was the second last person on my list.  The last one was a hypnotist.  Let's face it, I would do anything to be free of my muscles screaming in my neck.  It's strange, because I no longer feel stress.  Zip;  nada!
But my body does obviously!  I've been four times so far to lie there with needles sticking in me (including my head!!)

This was followed by a leisurely drive home where I grabbed the dog and back out in the car.  I text a friend of mine and said I was walking the dog if he wanted to join me so he turned up as I was doing coffee at Sailors Rest (what a fabulous place!)

I left there and went to Bunnings and bought a heap of lillie bulbs, came home and planted them.  Then took the dog for another short walk and how I'm home.  Yay!

I close the doors and curtains...  Block out the world!!

That was different!

I'm always worried when going out with people that I don't really know.   School friends are especially difficult because although you know them, that was 30+ years ago and people are bound to have changed since then.  It's a reality I learned when I went out with a school mate last year!

But I've got to say; today was easy.  He poured through his life (and I think mine is difficult!!!) and pulled no punches.  It was like two old friends meeting for the millionth time.  Are we going to do it again..?  Bet your britches on it.  We'll go out and I'll be his wingman or he can be mine  :)

I'm no longer one thousand years of age...

Today was a normal kind of Wednesday....

I got up, readied myself and went out the front door to go to the gardens.  It's kind of nice.  I am polite when someone speaks but mostly, I get to immerse myself in the plants.  I was going to say it is boring; but I don't ever get bored.  Just repotting plants in bigger pots and putting them in the greenhouse; it's nice.

About 10.30 ish, a guy came through the gate and I knew him immediately.  Not bad, considering we haven't seen one another in about thirty five years or so.  Okay, so I assume we have both aged lol.  We went to high school together!  We did a quick hello but work called me and then morning tea; so off I went.  I had to pay for an up and coming lunch, (we are doing Jack Rabbit's winery next Monday) and so I swapped numbers with Judy and decided we would go early to the lunch and stop for a sticky beak at Drysdale.

I was finishing up when I saw Tom was still looking around so I caught up with him and we went for a coffee.  Sometimes it is surprising how easily conversation comes.  Other times, it is not so easy.   He was an easy conversationalist.  We just talked crap; memories... Anything that came to mind.  In fact, we decided we could be 'friends in Geelong' since the few I have I only get to see every fortnight or so...

We talked so effortlessly that I was cutting it fine to go to the doctors!

So I rushed out of the carpark and I went to see a new shrink.  Mind you, I only went to get some medication to keep me awake (which she couldn't give me because she said I didn't meet the criteria) so she gave me a sample packet of meds and I left (I'm going back in 2 weeks, she was good).

So here I am; pausing from my roast lamb!  Because Dylan and Ally are both in tonight so I thought I would do a roast...

I'm Wilder than I Thought!

Yesterday I mentioned that my mood is a straight line; well with a tiny wave of curves just for fun.  I said that my personality is a straight line, instead of wildly careening from high to low.

Now I'm not so sure that is as described...

My mood is not lurching from 'fantastic' to 'doom and gloom' in one swing of the pendulum...

But it is slowly building...  Ie: instead of seconds at 'full tilt' and then seconds at 'doom and gloom', now I have a full day.  Oh no!  A full day of feeling okay (which was not at the level of 'fantastic' I had before!!) and a full day of feeling tired of the world (come to think on it; that isn't as bad as it was before either.)

If I had to explain it, I'd say I don't feel angry or ecstatic in my everyday dealings with life.  I feel kind of numb...   In a fog.  If my short term memory wasn't getting better, I'd say I don't feel those things to any great extreme simply because I forgot what I was feeling great/awful about from one minute to the next.

Oh well...  It's not like I can do anything about it!

Today I went in to see the specialist 'job acquirer' that, together with the girl from the
'insurance company' and my 'occupational therapist, are going to find me a job.  Well, it is difficult because I don't know what I want to do, or what I can do!   I've still got 3.5 years left on my wage insurance but I figure maybe I should be getting into it for the social aspect, if nothing else!

I think my brain will swell to take in the extra things; but I'm not 100% sure.  So it's starting small with their knowledge of my ABI; which is where my 3 girls come in to it!

I feel a thousand today!  :(

Let Me go to WORK!!!

Alright.  The year before last I had a full time job.  I was a Project Manager for Victoria's largest health service.  No slouch for a job really...  Then I made the mistake of having brain surgery in my own hospital....  I did my research for crying out loud!  1.5 years later I'm unemployed; I have a dicky brain; I've moved house...

Oh; did I neglect to say I love it..?

I guess most people who are suffering from a brain hiccup (read 'injury') don't think it did them a favour.  I do; and I'm going to tell you why.

1.  I'm a nicer person...  Two years ago I was a wild wriggly line in the mood department; steep wriggles!  Now, i'm barely a movement on the line of moods, I'm so even.  So, I'm a nicer person.

2.  Two years ago I didn't have a house.  I moved to Geelong to be with my family and fell in love with a house that my sister sent to me on realestate.com.  I walked in to the open for inspection and loved it; I bought it there and then.  I moved into it on December 20.  I still love it; even if there are things I would change (like the windows....)

The only thing that hasn't come to fruition is a job...  But that seems to move closer; albeit, slowly.

Today I had to go to Centrelink. I had a 'work assessment' appointment there; and the girl was wonderful!  We laughed and I explained my whole sorry saga!  But I repeatedly have the same issue.  They think I'm cured and I think I'm a moron.

Which is it?

No Problems Reaching the Mark!

I don't think I'll have any problems reaching the mark on my fitbit today.  Not that I usually do; but yesterday was so cold that I didn't even take the dog out!  The Squeeze and I went out into the wind (that was icy) just to have lunch; our coats done up so all you could see were out little faces! Then we came straight back home.  The Squeeze left after that; his teeth still chattering!

I usually go volunteering at the Gardens on a Wednesday morning but I had an appointment with a acupuncturist.  As I said to him, he was my second last option.  The last one was a hypnotist...

Still, I am hoping it will work, although I'm not seeing any improvement yet...  Let's face it, I'd circle three times and whack myself with a wet fish to be rid of this muscle tension!
I've had it for years and years!  The needle jabber may have worked it out for me.  I have shunts in my head that run down my neck.  I've had them about twenty years... Bingo.  That is the problem; and since it is a problem that I can't do without, I'm hoping he can help!

After that, it was home to walk the dog.  The sun was shining and I actually felt warm; considered (for a second) taking off my jacket!  So I walked until I felt my fitbit rumble on my wrist signalling 10000 steps and headed for home, via the supermarket.

The girl is staying with a friend tonight and the No. 2 son is coming for dinner.  I think I'll do Hokkien Noodles.  It is amazing; how cooking stuff is coming back to me.  Makes me think it wasn't gone for good; just sort of temporary.  Either that, or I'm learning to do it all over again!  I'm probably not as exciting as a cook, but most of the time there is only me and I'm on a diet!!

Oh yeah.  The diet is going well.  I've now lost 5.5 kilo.  I'm 10.5 kilo lighter than when I lived with the Squeeze.  I'm feeling good, well sort of.  :)

How Sad :'(

I just heard that someone who was a very good friend to me at work, died on Friday.   God he could make you laugh and laugh!

It all feels so sad and useless.
It doesn't matter how much you have, or what you have in the end; death comes to us all.
Hope his wife is okay...

Andy; I hope there is an after life....

:'(

Sunday!! Yay!!!

Today I awoke feeling seedy; that was until my daughter-in-law gave me something to settle my stomach!  The Boy suggested we go to the You Yangs to walk the dogs.  He had his (named Narla) over for the night and she and Sharpie wear me out just watching them! (and they made a mess of my laundry!!!) so we watched television, starting with the footy.

So after my meds, we made breakfast and got ready...

It's been years since I went to the You Yangs.

So many in fact I couldn't remember when I'd gone last.  Probably with Mum and Dad at some stage.

It was freezing cold but trying to get a park was a laugh, so many people were there.  

They were bbq-ing and walking and dogs; and meandering along, someone would walk past and say hi!

We finished up (I did 7.8 kms according to my fitbit) having lunch at Lara and then I said goodbye and drove home.

I've been cleaning for about 2 hours; kinda makes me wonder why I said Sunday!  Yay!!!

Oh. It was great!!!

Well I'm back from my adventure to the city.  It was great; bustling with people from all walks of life.  I went to the Victoria Market and did my meat shopping which seemed kind of expensive until I put it away and realised that they gave me 6 porterhouse instead of two!  Oh well; its not like I won't eat them!

The Squeeze worked for the morning and then walked down there and we had lunch; sitting at the tables outside.  There is always a million people from a million different backgrounds there; so I get to watch all the differences with a grin.

We went home and watched Jaws as it was just too damned cold to do anything else.
Now that is a decent movie!  I don't care if it's old.  Aside from the hair cuts and pants that sat at the naval, it was great!

Then we went out for dinner with friends at this little Italian place and it was 'he who is the loudest, gets heard'.  We shared a dinner (dieting still).  Then we went on to the Flying Saucer Club and saw a band.  Linda was all I know; lol.  They did 80s music and I rocked in my seat and sung at the top of my voice every lyric to those Fleetwood Mac songs!

When it finished, off we went home (reluctantly) and jumped into bed.  Grrr and early start today! I had to be back in Geelong by 11 as I was meeting a girlfriend for brunch!

So now I'm basically killing time until the Boy and his Girl get here with the kids.  Oh... I'm not going to do any housework until they're gone!!!  The house should be clean by Monday!

When do I get to just veg out..?

It's pretty full on, this life.  I'm beginning to wonder when I ever found the time to go to work.  I must have slotted it in somewhere, but it's so busy and full now, I wonder when.

Last night I didn't sit down until 9 pm.  The night before, it was close to midnight.  I wonder how I'm going to cope with work!  My house needs a clean and the Boy, his woman and kids are coming tomorrow so I won't get to clean it until next week!

Today I got up and walked the dog.  My favourite walk is the cemetery and it was great today.  A wind was blowing everything; but not a cold one.  When its cold I feel the hackles on my neck rise!

So the sun was kind of out and I got lost reading grave stones as I passed.  I don't intend to be in a cemetery when I go.  People are remembered without a place.   My Dad for instance...  I constantly think of him.  Its got nothing to do with the pot at Mum's and his name there.  It is funny little things I remember.

I'm about to drive to Melbourne to meet the Squeeze (ex/on/ex/I don't know what) for lunch at the Victoria Market and tonight, we are going out for tea with friends and then to the Caravan Club.

I often wonder why I go out with him, but I think I know why now.  He and I are so much alike.  Just not exact replicas.  Our love of music combines us but its not 'the same'.  For example, I love Eminem.  He hates him.  But we both love Bob Dylan.  He loves Jazz; oh God I hate it with a passion.  So we love each other; we are just not 'in love'.  Its easy.

That's as near to working it out gets.  I could go out with other people, but I'd be pushing it to find someone I like as much as him.  So he wants to stay up there and me down here.  And when we are both working, when I get a job its going to be harder; but that weekend we see each other is fun.