Sunday, March 18, 2018


The Squeeze got down here today.  Better late than never I suppose!

I questioned him about the Harridan and we agreed that I didn't have to go to the wedding (read I wouldn't be caught dead where I'm not wanted!) so it becomes a non issue.

The real issue is she will try this at every turn, I know how she operates.  The martyr.  The "see what I go through..."  Stupid cow doesn't realise that it would be a cold day in Hell before I wouldn't go to my sons wedding! I couldn't care less if Satan was to be there!  I'd ignore him!  So I figure her threats were empty; if not, well she truly is a selfish bitch.

So after we discussed this, the Squeeze sat on my knee for a bit of game playing... But I couldn't get into it like usual.  It had nothing to do with our discussions re the Harridan...  With him sitting there on my knee, I felt like a ventriloquist! And he; he was the dummy.

Friday, March 16, 2018

Are these people stupid??

I'm at work. I've been at work all week; well except for Monday because it was public holiday here...

On Tuesday, we had a fire alarm.  Actually, we didn't. We had some chick run up and down our floor say 'evacuation! This isn't a drill!!!'  So we all (being me, because I was the only one in the office at that time) trudged down the stairs to go stand on the street for half an hour.

Fire engines arrived and they did their thing; making sure we weren't going to burn alive if we went back in.  Frankly, I feel like I should be drooling here but they're not television fireman, these guys are real; not to mention the fact that you really can't see them with their hulking fire fighting clothing and masks!

Suffice to say, there wasn't a real fire.

WTF? Some idiot on some other floor burnt toast or something! It must be maddening for bosses. They loose a good half an hour of productivity!  In fact, it was closer to an hour on Tuesday.

So imagine my surprise when sitting here at 1 pm on Friday, the alarms go off!  Same frigging thing! I think I'd ban toast making!!!!

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Life is strange...

I, with millions of others, used to watch Seinfeld religiously on television.  Of course that was before the days of the internet where you could download any damned show you wanted, get netflicks or whatever your little heart desired; so the choices we had were not huge. In fact they were downright slim!

I guess you’re wondering why I am bring it up; so do I.  But there is a point. 

Interestingly, I love George.  Short, fat…  Rude.  His snarly and shouting and lazy. Snivelling!  Hardly a sex symbol; Hell, he isn’t even remotely likeable!  Why then do I love him? I can only shake my head in wonder and thank God it is a distant thing; an unattainable love. He lives in another country and probably has a wife and buckets of money so in other words, out of my sphere.

But what is amazing to me, is that I went out and got my very own George.  The Squeeze, and I never realised it until this moment, is exactly like him. A replica!

He’s short; getting shorter because he is getting older and his bones are compressing.  His a little heavy, but in a barrel way with two ultra slim legs hanging off him.  (His tummy is too big to see them) And he is just like him in manner!  I can even hear him say some of the things George would say.

The Squeeze has a basic ineptness for anything romantic or emotional.   This could be amusing and at off times cute – when you know and understand how he works and by his actions, you know that although he has a retarded “show emotion” gene, he actually does have them floating somewhere inside that minuscule atrophied thing in his chest most people call a heart.   (if the Squeeze is reading this, think of cuddly puppies! That is how I see you! Cuddly! Puppy!)

But the funny thing is we each see him differently. 
I look at him and see Pic B. 
He envisions Pic A. 
I suppose he is both, so we are both right.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Thinking about it...

Boy my roller coaster of emotions are sucking.  It is like the old me is back!

I've been unable to sleep for the last couple of weeks, getting about 6 hours.  It seems, gone is the fantastic life of 10-12 hours of absolute deep sleep!  Then there is the emotions!  I keep arguing with myself!

Yesterday, when we got back from the music festival, I was so buggered that I went to bed.  Got back at 1 pm to a clean house, all I did was empty my case and put my washing on and then staggered to bed!  I was still awake at 11 pm. I wanted to kill my brain but thoughts went around and around!

So the Squeeze...
I think in reality, that I don't want to go anymore than the Harridan wants me there.  Admittedly for differing reasons.  She will be manipulating again, but stuff it.  I just don't care.

So I have my answer. I won't go and stuff the one upmanship. The Squeeze can rest easy on that score. But having said that, I won't be put in a box again. I mean either I'm going to be in a relationship with him and be a part of his life; or I'm not. 

Interesting! Hypnosis!

I went to hypnosis today. Wow.  I'm yet to get my head around it and probably will tonight while in bed...  But basically, she said my life has been up and down for so long I'm spurting adrenaline!  Funny, because I don't feel stressed - but my shoulders are drum tight because they are stuck in fight or flight mode.  It will be fabulous if she can address that!!!

We spoke briefly about the Squeeze, the Harridan and the wedding...
She basically said he should be sticking up for me so saying "she's coming!"
She laughed when I said that he had said she wouldn't go if I went...  Ridiculous!  Which is basically how I felt.  That he isn't, that he is letting her take control (again) doesn't bode well for moi!