I figured it was time to document the never ending list of moodle like qualities I constantly endure... Ie. the lack of romance; I thought I would create this page of "Moodle Madness" which is basically the 'The Little Book of Squeeze Romance'. I, like most of the female population, quite like the idea of romance.
I don’t need it all the time. Throwing it about carelessly lessens its worth and on those occasions when I have dated the quixotic; I have thought to myself “if I wanted adoration; I’d get a damned dog!” I should point out that this thought is usually combined with an overwhelming urge to kick them. Perhaps a little cruel, but true none the less.
However, the love letter, little note or card is one of the things that a woman cherishes, especially later in life. Those are the things you pull out of a box when you are old and withered - just to remind yourself that once, you were young… Someone thought you were beautiful.
I gave up all hope of romance when I started dating the squeeze.
This is a fact that I believe he is quite proud of. For me, it is a never ending source of amazement and I must admit, humour. I am going to pause to point out here that I once said to him that he may lack the ability to think/act/speak romance, but he is a ‘physical romantic’.
He quite liked the idea of that. What I meant was that he may not think to just say “I love you” – but he will go to sleep, holding my hand. (He will be impressed that is now in print to the world.... Not...)
I am certain that anyone reading this will think he is obviously withholding romance. This is not the case. He is not withholding it; he is totally and utterly inept at it. This is combined with words that seem to leap out of his mouth without consideration or thought that if he actually finishes the sentence, he is likely to be stabbed.
I started recording those outlandish quips onto my phone; utterly astounding one liners; some in answer to random questions I have asked.
For example:
cpq: "you only get one soul mate & mine was back in my 20s"
cpq: "you are more likely to be my soul mate if you shut the fu*k up!"
cpq: "you are just begging for a big slice of stick it in me pie!"
cpq: "you have ruined my whole damned life!"
cpq: "now I have to pretend you're someone else!"
cpq: "does it look like we are dieting!"
Ahhh now; tell me – who else out there is as lucky as me…?
