It is bloody hot...

I hate the heat.  I hate the cold too; in fact I'd rather have the heat!

I have my NDIA meeting tonight; which I hope means I can start my hyperbaric chamber again!  I'm not sure what I have to do; keep records I guess!  But that is the only thing I've tried that worked; ever so slightly!

Other than that, just culling my things in preparation for Ally's this weekend!  She has a house and not a lot to go in it furniture wise.  Still it won't take long!

On a side note: is it just me or are all women crazy for Jamie Fraser in Outlander?

He's not perfect; but that he isn't flawless just adds to his overall appeal!  It is his personality that does it for me... As Claire said to him in one episode; if you said that among 20th century women, you would be the king of men...  He is the King of Men!

And that Scottish brogue...   Be still my beating heart!!  I'm alive again!

Hey... That's cool...

This week I got a rather pleasant surprise... I've been granted funding by the NDIA to work on my brain/memory issue and get a gardener.

Ok; you're probably wondering what the Hell I need a gardener for and I'll admit that last year, so did I.  But working, even part time, is hard work!  Then to come home and garden...  So taking into consideration that I'm looking for a real job, with real hours; well suffice to say I'll be buggered for the first couple of months.  So I thought it was better to apply for the funding and that way if I got it, great.  If I didn't, well Hell, I'm used to doing everything the hard way anyhow...

She just rang me to say my funding has been approved so I'm going to meet up with her tomorrow and go over how much I got and what I have to do with it.  I think this time they are giving it to me to manage; I didn't want to do that as it would be so easy just to go on a holiday lol but self manage I have to!  The hyperbaric chamber - the only thing that has helped me, they got antsy about the last time...

And yes... I got a lawn mower guy!  Yippee!!

Home again...

I got home yesterday and basically went to bed.  It was exhausting; I'm not sure why since we went no where and did nothing!  About all we did was watch television!

We went to the hospital because the ex-squeeze's brother is in there; he had a heart attack.  That is their dicky gene, the heart... And it seems everyone got it!  The Ex's heart gave out before we started dating, but it seems all fixed now.  I guess the heart isn't too bad if you only have to have it done once or twice...

Then we went out for lunch in Oakleigh before coming home and throwing our shoes and bag and jumping on the couch to watch something...  I watched Outlander; I don't mind admitting I'm hooked now.  I tried to watch it last year and got half way through the second episode and thought "This is like a giant Mills and Boon!!!"  My sister told me to try again,... So I did. I'm nearly finished season 3.

But I wanted to put some pics of the Ex's house up because no one would believe me... So this is some of the inside; don't worry, the outside is just as bad!
My God...  I stress if I haven't vacuumed for a day!

 

Stone the crows...

It’s the weekend. I’m at the Hunchbacks house for the night.
Not sure who does his housework but....

Friday again...

It must be me... All the days seem to be flying past so quickly!  At this rate, I'll be dead before I know it!  And what then..?  No life after death; I'm pretty certain; as when I was in a coma and almost dead, I just had no memory of anything. No angels, no devils - just a great nothingness...

So this is all we have.

Enjoy what we have..? How the hell do you do that with no money?  Well not enough to do the things I would enjoy such as living in Greece for a while or travelling to some place fantastic!  I don't need to be rich, I just need enough to do what I want, when I want.  Oh yeah. That is rich....

But the simplistic things in life are good too.

This morning I took Sharpie on his walk and as we were going around the cemetery, I looked up and I saw a double rainbow.  It looked like someone had sliced through the sky.  Or the seams had given way.

Life... The same...

Is it just me?  Every day seems to run into the next without anything good happening...  I've had my share of bad luck ever since I was a little kid; but now it seems as though this is just the way it is and will be until the end.  I guess I have to suck it up...  Sheez; this sure as hell 'aint what I was expecting in life.

It is fast approaching Christmas so I won't really be job hunting until next year.  It will be great to take a mini break as it sucks the life right out of you.  God knows how I'd cope if I was desperate...  In this interveiw I had the other week, I got feedback from someone I knew who went and asked them.  They said I seemed "hard". 

WTF?  I cry at a puppy limping!  I ran out and rescued a bird the other day that was lying on the ground stunned!  Sharpie, my dog, I have to bring inside for cuddles!  Hard..?  But it is feedback... And I'll be aware of coming off as such next time!

Mind you, the Hunchback that I used to go out with was amazed... He thought I was a hard arsed bitch; then we went out together and he would laugh because I cry at movies!  So I was misleading as a hard face... In effect; what that means is that I'm coming back!  Ok... That's good.

But... Sigh... I can't help wondering what if I die before I really get a life?

Wedding... Over finally!

Well I can't believe the wedding went off without a hitch; well only one large scrape down the back of my leg and a dose of exhaustion!

It was beautiful but in a relaxed way...  Well relaxing for me; by the look on my brother's face he had some nerves eating him alive whilst standing up at the alter (which was the grass up the back overlooking the water)....

I only had a few tears, unlike my sister who complete with howling at one point during the ceremony, caused the place to burst out laughing.

I can't believe so much money, and so much organisation went into it...  I'd rather have the money and go off on holiday; especially since my brother has done this several times before!   Still, I have to admire his choices.  He is obviously in love and it showed...

Amusing was my nieces speech... which finished with "I was beginning to wonder who would wipe his ass when he got old!" which cracked everyone up!

I'll put some pics up if I think of it tonight!

My sister July, brother and groom Chris and I!

Sydney...

I’m having coffee in this cute little cafe which you go down a side street and up an alley way...  they must rely on their clientele to know where they are because there was zip signage!

I got here last night and went out for dinner with my brother and two sisters and had a great time. Italian; yum! Then it was back to the hotel to sleep like the dead. I was okay; everyone else was damned tired too so I didn’t feel as though I was putting a dampener on things!

We’ve got a wedding to do and then, tomorrow it’s home again. 

Sydney! Here I come!

Today I’m flying to Sydney to see my brother get married for  the third time. I’m not sure why my brothers and I feel the overwhelming need to get married. We just do; or should I say did.  I haven’t been married since I was twenty eight! Although that was the third time,.. I guess he’s lucky to have made it to fifty three!

All I can say is I hope that this time it works out for him...

WTF? Too old..?

Ok.  I'm in job hunting mode which is to say I'm not frantic, but I am beginning to worry.  I have 2 years left of wage insurance but I don't want to be on it. I want a normal life!  I want to go to work and have friends there; change the world!  I suspect I'm being overlooked because of my age... I don't get it.

I went to my wellness guy last night.  He is employed by some company that helps the intellectually disabled (lol) to do their thing, complete their NDIA reports and such.  So it is time to go and reapply for funding...  Sigh!

Last year I did it too, filling out the form meticulously.  They state quite plainly at the top to put what it is you want to achieve.  I put "I want to improve my speech and memory issues". 
That's it.  Blunt.  To the point.

And in their infinite wisdom, they gave me a gardener and a housekeeper?  WTF..?

So I went back to them, twice, and did it all again.  No go.  I'm stuck with the gardener (which I don't mind not doing the lawns) but it will be over my cold dead corpse before I get someone in to clean!!

So this time I put on the list that I want money to go to a hyperbaric chamber...  A friend text me one morning and said "Triple J; quick put it on!" and it was a neurosurgeon in the States who had repaired brain damage with the use of oxygen therapy.  Granted; it was a kid under 5 and they got to her within a week but....

I've been going to one at Confidere and Co  and makes me think in straighter lines... I think...  :)

I also put art classes and pottery! lol because that gets me back into the social aspect of life!

Cinderella and the Ball...

I went to a ball in Friday night...  Blue hair and all.  It was themed around the world and considering I love fancy dress nights; excelled at last years roaring 20's... I didn't get anything this year and by the time I wanted to, it was too late.

If it had of been roaring 20's again I could have easily got one of 4 different costumes out of my wardrobe, complete with a feather boa and cigarette holder!  So it meant I had to go as France, and dress in black and put a beret on and my Chanel necklace and a groovy cigarette holder.

I could have done around the world in 80 days, or something like that... But I wasn't really into it... Until I got there!  Then I was into it!

I love the end pic... My brother in the background lol and my photo bomb in the first.

All in all, a great night was had by all; but yesterday was a right off for me. I went to bed at 10.30 and had another alcohol free night. I could get used to them...

Blue hair...

God... All the old ladies with blue hair must be rolling over in their graves... Why? I went to the hair dresser yesterday after a major stuff up with my hair.  I'm talking it went yellow and yellow isn't a good colour on me. It makes me appear to have hepatitis.  I look like I'm about to drop dead my skin appears so sallow!

I went in and looked at her with puppy dog eyes, saying "can you fix me..?" So she got to work...

2 rinses later with stuff that itched my scalp and felt like a million bull ants were eating me, I just couldn't see that it was going to be fixed! It was still yellow!!

All I can say is it looks ok!  So what if I appear as an old lady! I am one!

:)

I won...

I won; not 150k like one lucky punter!  But $88 is better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick!

Of course I've spent it already at the supermarket because my son decided to come for dinner tonight...

:)

Melbourne Cup...

Well I never win anything on the cup, even though I back nearly every horse in triffecta's and such.  It is always won by something that the name didn't jump out at me!  I wonder if I'll win anything this time!  2,5,20,22 I went for; but it could be anything or any bloody horse on the day! 

I'm not going; actually, I could think of nothing worse in the cold rainy weather!  Instead I'm going to work and we'll watch it on the big screen!

Other than that, diet is still going well. I haven't found a costume for Around the World ball that I'm going to.  I think I'll just dress all in black with a Chanel necklace and a cigarette holder (even though I don't smoke lol) and be a Frenchy!

My knee...

My knee is starting to improve.  It is only giving out on me 1-2 times a day now.
Great... That means I have to go on a diet starting today.  :(

I pigged out on the weekend big time but I managed to off load some of those bloody yummy addictive Bertie Beetles to my daughter (thank God!)  Not sure why we have to diet all the time to keep it on track!  I weigh myself about once a fortnight, although I can tell before I jump on the scales, whether I'm going to be depressed or not.  This time, I didn't weigh.  I'm not going down the path of being a crying lump on the floor.  I'm going to do something about it...

I've got my brothers wedding in 2 weeks. I'm flying off to Sydney for it and I figure as long as I'm careful until then, I'll be alright.  I have my dress, my shoes, everything is ready (except my butt [not exactly my butt, I don't possess one which sucks])  Suffice to say, I don't have that much to loose; about 4-5 kilo.  I'm never going to be thin and you get to the point where you are too old to be thin in any case...

All in all, a boring nothing weekend where I went nowhere, only saw my daughter and spent the rest of the time inside because it was cold and miserable out there.  Maybe it was cold and miserable in here, I'm not sure now.

Oh; I've given up drinking.... the weight thing.  Well mostly.  It has been 3 out of the last four nights and I don't miss it; unless I see them drinking on television and I think "hey!"

No work… No anything… Zilch

My house is a mess at the moment.  My garden is looking scraggly.  I’m gaining weight (it has nothing to do with the box of Bertie Beetles I bought!!)  The dog, Sharpie, has been naughty (naughtier than usual; so much for leaving puppyhood behind him!!) 

It all started when I was walking Sharpie. He went one way to chase a bird (nearly pulling my arm from the socket) and I went in another direction…  I hurt my knee.  That was two weeks ago and I’m still not back to walking the full distance!  I'm wearing a splint; it is getting better but it is a slow process.  And it isn’t just that.  It is mixture of crap luck and bullshit life.

Why?  Because there is no nice weather; it’s downright cold…  Because I have no real job; because I’m hooked on a game.

There.  I said it.  I’m hooked on online gambling.  Well not really; I don’t play with my money but the free spins they give me, so it literally means I can’t take it out.  I don’t get it; it isn’t even fun!! I get sick of it in a couple of weeks; that's the only light and the end of the tunnel!

And this weekend sees my daughter coming to visit so I’m hoping I’m over the game by then and we'll eat homemade pizza and Bertie Beetles and watch tele!

Yesterday ....

I got up, cleaned up and then went to St Leonards. 

I took Sharpie who loves a run on the beach and to sniff everything.  I went and picked my Mum up and took her and Sharpie to the pub (after a bit of arguing!)  :P  He is quite good at the pub, he just sits under the table outside and receives pats off gushing strangers.

We had a great afternoon!  One moment I'm sitting there listening to Tiny Dancer by Elton John, drinking a Corona; and I suddenly thought, I don't think I'd change where I am at this moment.

After a couple of hours we went back to Mum's where I washed her car and then I slunk off home.  I felt satisfied!

The weekend is here...

I have to wonder why I look forward to the weekend so damned much...  I'm not doing anything. At least not anything wonderful or fabulous.

I thought I had a lunch thing on with my sister Sunday but she's stuck at their investment property cleaning and won't get back (and I'm not desperate for company; at least not desperate enough to go clean a house!)   That means, from Friday night after my interview, I came home and there I will have stayed until Monday.   Well other than to walk the dog and go to the supermarket!

I wonder if this is the norm for single people...?

In the old days when I was single, I'd text one of my friends and go do something. Sure; I live in another town now and don't know many people which I guess is a problem. But how many close friends do people have?

Maybe I'm erroneous when it comes to memory, painting what didn't happen.  I think I had weekends on my own then; if I recall, I hated them.  Now, I like them fine.

My house is sparkling.  My yard is also sparkling!  It's three o'clock and I've got pizza bases proving in the kitchen.  I just poured my first glass of wine.  Does life get any better...?

Jobs and things...

I have a job interview tomorrow.  I'm not sure how I'll go because my memory is crap, and I can never remember what to say.  I've had about 3-4 interviews in the last year which have all gone pair shaped.

So; I'm not going to focus on it.  I'll go... I'll prepare... But I'm not holding out hope!

I had stayed at my sisters for the night as her hubby had gone away.  It was an enjoyable evening; in the country with the rain pouring on the pool and us tucked inside.  We ate and then put a spooky movie on (before she fell into a drunken slumber lol).   We got up at 6.30, ate omelettes and she went to work and I came home and walked Sharpie.

All in all, it was a good day!

Rings and things...

Last week I picked a ring up from the jewellers. It had two little stones missing and since it was tight, I didn't bother wearing it.  But I took it in and had the stones replaced; it is gorgeous.

Still; I wonder what causes someone to sell their jewellery?

I bought 3 rings of this woman in Sydney.  This beautiful diamond one, and two garnet ones. All rose gold.  I gave a garnet one to my sister and kept one.  It was twelve years ago, maybe more. You can't find bargain like that on ebay anymore  :(

Oh well!

Every so often...

I get tired of struggling through this life.
I wonder if anyone else does..?

The world turns…

Last night I had friends over for dinner and it turned out to be a fantastic night.  It was hot; a residue of left over heat from the day; before we freeze our arses off once again. 

I made garlic pizza to start and then we had lamb souvalaki.  As generally happens, there is copious amounts of wine drunken with food.  Because I finish early, I start drinking earlier and so I was half shot when they got there!   I started the pizza cooking in the oven and finish it off in the webber which gives it a beautiful finish.  I could have used my pizza oven but didn’t like going out and chopping wood, having it burn down and waiting for hours just for one pizza!

I asked Renee to check on it and she comes back in stating it will be ages!  (as she pours another glass lol)  I go out five minutes’ later and discover a crisp mess which we laughed about and then proceeded then eat!  It may have been well done, but it sure was tasty!

I bbq’d a leg of lamb on the webber and we carved it right there at the table.  

There is something to be said for a great night in with people you really like, cooking…  Talking about the week that was and making plans to come.

There was no sign of the 'black dog'...  It was a great day.

Seriously…?

Alright; I’ve been out with this guy a few times, he is 70; which in the scheme of things, is damned old.  I’m talking five minutes in and I would have been out there, looking again because he had popped his clogs.  So I more or less left it. 

He was a young 70 if that makes a difference.  He works at the mines and crawls around underground placing explosives here and there and then he watches it go boom.  He has flown all around the world to do it.  He rides a motorbike; young man toys.  But I couldn’t get past the thing of our ages; fifteen years doesn't seem much when your in your twenties but hey, one day your going to be in your fifties, and he's going to be seventy (and there will probably be no motorbike in your world!!).  Not that I was “in your face” about it.  I just let it die with the odd email.

Then, this morning I get an email of him.  This long flowing email; beautifully written I might add which is probably what attracted me in the first place!  But he basically says “farewell!”

WTF? lol okay….  I sent him an email back. I wasn’t going to but I thought hell, if it wasn’t there for either of us, we can be friends.  So I said:

“Chin up. It's not the end of the world as we know it.     :)

If you're ever in town and just want to catch up; drop me a line.

If not, I wish you all the best!”

And when I thought about it, I realised that is exactly how I felt.  I can take friendship or leave it; it doesn’t really matter.  

But then I saw the old me and I realised I’d have ignored him.   

Boy.  What a veritable shrew I was before!  I don’t mind saying I’m a different woman these days.  Probably a hell of a lot nicer, but more boring….

Up and down… Weeeeeeeeeee

If I was a roller-coaster, I’d be enormous fun!  I am so up and down at the moment it is not funny. One minute, I’m in the depths of despair; the next I’m rocking about the house to some weirdo clown music!

Okay; the clown music is not organ/carnival music, it is electric guitar and the clown is Puddles the Clown.  This guy virtually single handedly changed my perception of clowns.  I was coulrophobic; which in the scheme of things, means I’m a clown hater.  But anyone that has to hide their face behind all that makeup is a John Wayne Gacy underneath I think.  Still, I have to admit I kind of like Puddles.  You can search him out on YouTube; just look for Puddles Pity Party!

But I regress…

So I hit rock bottom yesterday and by last night, I am literally dancing and singing around the house with the vacuum cleaner.  I can’t think of any one thing that happened to make me so satisfied with life for that second.  I still only have my part time job with a miniscule wage that accompanies it.  I still owe on my house.  I’m still single.  I’m still waiting for my life to start up again!

And yet strange as it may seem, I like being single.  Oh not all the time; it is nice to have someone to go out with every so often.  Maybe see a band with.  But I’ve been out with a few while single this time and I think “nah…”

My house I’ll be paying off forever, but the alternative of not having one; being at the mercy of some owner or agent…  Kicked out when they feel like it and moving; packing everything you own again and again!

My job… okay the money is atrocious but I quite like it.  It isn’t too stressful and they gave me the chance to get my brain working again.

So that only leaves life…  And news flash!  That has started!!

A ‘black dog’ kind of week

Every so often I have a ‘black dog’ kind of week.  This would be one of them…

It all began when I missed out on the job I went for and I have spiraled ever since.  I don’t know how I am supposed to get a job when I can’t talk about it, well not at length anyhow.  As the people here would attest too, I can belt out a design quicker than most and they love them.

I am pretty certain I can still do project management; but there is a lingering doubt because I haven’t done it.  When I went for this interview, I said I have 11 years as a senior project manager for the largest health service in Victoria.  I know all too well everything that these people are going through; I’m living it!  And believe me, I do; right down to the speaking over me when I pause or when they stand in a circle, they edge me out just a little.  Oh don’t get me wrong; they don’t even realise that they do it!

It is stupid really.  I know I’ll get something.  I’ve got two years until things get dire but the reality is that I want one now.  I want to start my life now.  I want to be the ‘me’ that I’m going to be, now.  I want to be challenged!

So the black dog is on me and there is nothing, so it would seem, I can do about it. Just ride it out I guess!  Of course the upside of that is that when I get something, I’ll be over the moon.  Makes me think who I am is just around the corner!  And that only makes me more depressed!

Sunday... Again...

I've thought about just screaming at people to leave me alone.  Sort of like a "I am not an animal!!!" guttural cry.  I so needed time for me.  What with all the job hunting which drives you insane and takes it out of you!  But now I find it is Sunday, I'm home alone having walked sharpie and I'm beginning to miss hearing another voice!

Yesterday I went down to St Leonards and picked my Mum up and took her to the pub in Drysdale.  We sat outside, talked and gambled, all the while with the sun blazing down on our backs. When I say I gambled, I'm talking $10 and picking the horses by their names (I don't even look at the odds which my Mum frowns at).  Of course I didn't win...

I'm still no better or closer to finding work which sucks because it is the only way I'm going to fix this damned brain!

It is nearly three years; I'm 80-90% back; hell, I don't want about 5% of it back!!  The part that was a feisty cow!  But I want to be at 95%!

Depression done.....

Okay so I took a day to cry to myself. Well not really; actually I went home and did all the housework, had a bottle of red and went to bed!

But today I am back applying for jobs. Looks like I just have to get smarter...

:)

How? I hear you ask... Well I'm not sure.  Hypnosis or subliminal messaging, lol  I'll think about it today!

Depression: the ugly truth...

I went for a job today.  You might think that this is great; except it has depressed me no end...

It was for the Australian insurance agency.  A whole bunch of people with disabilities working there.  You'd think I would be shoe in for a job but in reality I think I'll have to abandon project work.

That's why I'm depressed.

It is what I know.  Just because the words won't come out of my mouth occasionally, and I can hear the way it sounds...  Boy.  Believe me.  I sound like a half wit.  But I know projects!  I'm doing all types of design work where I am!  It would be nothing to just move it slightly to the left; to project work!

So I trudged back to work; my nice three hours a day for minimum wage gig (the parking costs half of my wage!) and searched "jobs where you don't have to speak to anyone!"

Actuary, computer programmer, data analyst, horticulturist, janitor, software developer, statistician and a technical writer.

I don't want those and most of them needed a degree; so I'd have to go back to uni!
Well all except the janitor!!!!

Ow!! What the....???

Okay... When I left you last time, I was embarking on oxygen therapy in a hyperbaric chamber...  Sounds like I've got the bends; I know.  But all of my research shows it has benefits, potentially huge benefits!  So off I go down to Pakington Street to this little shop that has only been in business for eleven weeks and jump into a Pod...

I settle back with my phone and just lay there for an hour, ears popping as it goes through the motions and then again, at the end.   It's very relaxing, sort of an enforced easing of life!

I've been two times now.  The first time it was wonderful. I felt like everything inside me had woken up; I had a spring in my step for crying out loud!  I'm not sure what my brain was doing.  I didn't care but if it was repairing, well and good!

So I went back for a second session.

Ouch!!!  Now it feels like everything that was hurting but masked by medication has woken up!  My back is killing me!  My neck is too!  I'm walking slow, like an old person!!!

Well, I don't know what is going on but I'm not giving up just yet!  I made another appointment for Monday...  It is almost amusing, seeing what will happen next!

Months Roll On...

I'm not sure what I though a brain damaged life would be like; but this sure isn't it.

That isn't to say it's awful; or that I'm a halfwit and don't know my own mind.  At 2.5 years in, I am about 80%-90% back.   Hell, I can even type; probably at the rate of a mere mortal...   It's that last bloody 10-20% that isn't coming as easily as I'd like!

So I hunt for the next idea (or fad).  Anything to be myself!  Bring the old me back!  I'm even doing oxygen therapy in a hyperbaric chamber at the moment because some neurosurgeon in the states, cured a little girl's brain damage.  Of course she was under five and he saw her straight after she drowned... Not fifty something and two and a half years down the track.

And when I think of it, I wonder... Do I seriously want the old me back..?  That up and down personality that was on fire one minute; depressed five seconds later...  That person that disliked anything bigger than a snail or smaller than an elephant; because they would leave a mess in my beautiful, streamlined, so clean you could eat off the floor, house? That person that could never save because there was always something I wanted; that I couldn't live without!

I've been given the rare opportunity to reinvent myself.

Better than that, because I get to reinvent myself with a house; a dog named Sharpie and in my home town.

Life is good.

Paused...

You have no idea how busy I've been.

Getting a business up is no mean feat!  The name,  the domain.... The website!  It all came together but now I'm sort of sitting here. lol

Well I've joined a business group and I squiff off every month and meet people; but I can't help thinking that I'd just rather be gainfully employed!!!

Stop the world! I want to get off!

I'm amazed at the amount I have to do.  I'm in the middle of getting a business up; which is no mean feat.  I want to do design full time; well when I'm not at the Chamber...  And the Chamber seems the perfect place to work...  900+ business!

When I get home, I've got to keep this blog going and another for SecretWomen - the design is still not there; I'm working on it!

Then on my off times, I'm building a game!  No wonder I'm tired!!!

Busy Little Bee...

I've been as busy as a bee of late!

It's madness!  When I'm home I just want to unwind!!

Oh please! Bring on the unwinding!

A quick hello...

Hello world!

I've been falling in to bed around the same time every night.  Exhausted!  This year I intend to make some changes; make it good! Okay; I love my way!!

There; that will do!

I haven't got time for that...

Well I got dumped by Allan (Allan, Allan...) which is ok.  I kept waiting to see if I would fall for him; or at least begin to fall.  Other than for a second at the start, I basically felt nothing.

So I'm not going to look for a next one; well not yet anyway.

It's too hard and I get too tired.  What with work and my business and now my board game and a course...  There just isn't anything left over.  When there is time left, I'd rather spend it with friends!

On Saturday I went to Melbourne and had lunch with CC.  And a good laugh!  Still, I always have a good laugh with her!  Oh except we went and saw Jackie in the afternoon. It was good, but how I didn't go and kill myself is beyond me!  Wow; depression!!!

Dinner was with the Hunchback (yes the one I started this blog about years ago...)  We manage friends well.  It's where we started after all...

No time for anything...

I haven't got time to blog.  I'm trying to get a new business up and it is taking every second of my day!  Logo is below!  What do you think...?

Working for the Chamber and redoing the look and feel of everything, made me realise that this is me!  A graphic artist!  Well if I have to work, I may as well do something I like!

I'm tired! I need to go to bed early!!

Yesterday we went to the Mussel Festival!

By we, I mean Allan and I. We walked around all day which is funny if you think on it; since I'm allergic to seafood!  But there was plenty to eat and buy!  There were little stalls with everything you could imagine!  From oil to spices to clothes and knives! Being a knife aficionado, means buying them whether I have a million of them or not; and I couldn't go past chili infused oil!

We listened to music for a while but it was a Taylor Swift thing and so the band played her all day.

Being sick of the music and the fifteen year old's who knew every word and proceed to sing in the crowd, we left.  We walked up the road not really remembering where the car was but we figured it was on the main road....  We couldn't go past this little wine bar.  I called Ian and Renee, who we ran into at the festival, and they came up.  All was well until I dropped my chili oil  :(   It smashed and sent oil everywhere.

We gave them a ride home and stayed for dinner!

If I had to listen....

Planning... A life!!!

Last night, Allan called in for a beer and tidied my roses.  It wasn’t planned; well not longer than half an hour!  He only stayed for one beer, partly because I mentioned that I was expecting my son lol.  He left and Dylan arrived.  I gave him some lunch to take home and something I had printed out for him… 

Then my daughter called via Facetime and walked us through her new house.  They haven’t got it how they want it yet but it is getting there…  I think they have made the right move because she looked blissfully happy.  I haven’t seen her look like that for a long time.

Tonight I have E and Renee coming for dinner.  All I have to do is put it on when I get home!  I prepared it this morning…  So a pork belly and wine night!  They don’t have a heap of friends either since they only moved here a bit before I did.  When we were in Sydney, we decided we would catch up once a week and so this is the first one.

Tomorrow, I have Dylan coming for tea; him being the only kid of mine left that is within a 20 mile radius….

Friday I am going out for dinner with Maxine, a cool dog owner.  We have been chatting every time we meet walking our dogs and so I thought I’d up the ante and ask her to dinner; seeing as how my friends are limited here!  It seems it is the case for her also because she jumped at the chance!  So we are doing dinner and some live music.

Then Saturday, I’ve got brunch with Allan…

I like him but last night he suggested he probably wouldn’t have liked the old Carol.  That shouldn’t phase me because I actually wasn’t that fond of her either.  It is hard work doing the depths of despair to the dizzying highs that was my life.  It was exhausting! I like the more even me; the one with a dog! (I wouldn’t have had a dog because the hair would make a mess) 

I wonder if he thinks I’ll become her again..? 

I won’t, but I wonder just the same!

Life.... Are we there yet..?

Well so far today I got up early and walked the dog.

I suspect he’s missing Ally like crazy who used to mollycoddle him no end… She couldn’t manage to be firm with him in a pink fit and she was home all the time; so he got affection all day.  I’m trying…  When I get home from work I park out the front, go in and get him and take him to the oval to run off a bit of steam. He’s been inside and out to the back yard all day.  It must drive him mad…  I’ve got a small back yard!

Of course I’ll have to do better than yesterday.  He zipped out the gate and ran all over the place. I was scared of the road but he just wouldn’t come… So I got in the car and opened the back door and slowly started driving off and he jumped in!  Tonight I'll position myself at the opening and make sure every hole is blocked off!

My days are taking on a routine.  When I get home from playing with the dog, I’ll clean up (which generally consists of vacuuming the dog hair in the rooms open to him); then I’ll do one thing…  Either clean windows, or fridge or some such thing.  At the rate I’m going it will look gleaming in no time! Then I’ll cook dinner and watch something!

Gone with the wind....

Sigh...   It's still the greatest movie ever made.

Back when video's and video stores were all the rage, I hired Gone With The Wind and the guy behind the counter said "lady, you've had it the last 9 times out of ten!  It's one of the movies I watch over and over...

Be still my beating heart...  Clark Gable was to die for.  

I say that in the way that I mention Hugh Jackman; from afar....

These days I have it in digital format so I don't have to do that embarrassing run to the video store!

Wow. Rude as!!

I think I'm kind of seeing this guy, but it isn't in stone; it relatively new.  In fact, I suggested we take our profiles down and he said no... (not like that, but it may as well been).  So I said fine; I'll leave mine up too.  Don't blame me if a Hugh Jackman comes along in the mean time!!  (I am a double for Deborra-Lee Furness...  Mind you, it couldn't be Vivian Lee or someone equally as beautiful but I'll take Debra.  I mean she snagged Hugh Jackman!)

So the next day, I get someone else contact me.  I figure what the heck... I left for Sydney not long after so there is no time to meet. But I liked him.

Anyway, I got back from Sydney last week and the first guy came for lunch on Saturday and stayed until after dinner.  We got along great and so I asked him straight out; but he said he's not seeing anyone else.  On that note, I contacted the other guy and said I'm sick...  Ok.  This is awkward.  I'd better think...

But then the second guy reads my blog and sees that I've seen this first guy.

Well... Suffice to say when he sent me email 3 or 4 that said "you look pretty old and weathered and sly too boot and I can see fungus on you..." well I had had it by then!

And then there was one....

It's Thursday.  I've only worked 3 days this week; which is great.
No one is there, well except for 2 people, both of whom I like.

I've got an NDIS thing at 3 o'clock, which should be interesting.  A whole heap of people trying to justify their existence.  They give me funding; I don't know what for.  That is what I hope to find out!  Still the whole time I'm there, I'll be thinking about being at home and cleaning.  I've got a bucket to do!  I'll be happy to make the spare bed! And pretty everything; maybe wash the floor.

I've got my kid coming for dinner tonight.
The only one that still lives in the same town now!

Settling back into some kind of life...

I've been back for the week.  It's been full on!

My daughter left to move two states away; sunny Queensland.  I'll miss her like crazy, even though I love my house clean!  Well it is sort of clean.  I'm going room by room cleaning.  So far, I've done the bathroom and her bedroom!  I haven't really cleaned it for months...

But she needs a life.  Nearly thirty and still living with me...  I said to her make sure she changes things.  Don't go up there and live the same life.

It will be good for her.

Me...  I'm just moseying though life at the minute.  My brain is doing plasticity or some such thing. I couldn't think about anything two years ago.  Now I'm thinking as I always did.  Just not conversing well...

Next, I'll have to get a job I expect.  That will be harder than it seems since my mouth and my brain don't connect all the time!  But I'll leave that until next month!

I'm Back - It Was Beautiful!!!!

Well I'm back from Sydney and it was beautiful.

Only a few times did I feel like I was stupid, or couldn't keep up.  It was 30+ every day and so we went swimming!  Everyday!  Sometimes 2 or 3 times.  So... I'm sitting here tanned, which is nice.  I am also sitting here fat, which is not nice.  So I'm starting a diet on Wednesday, which is the day my daughter leaves for QLD!

I decided to put a pic in of Morgan, their dog; and the back yard!