A ‘black dog’ kind of week

Every so often I have a ‘black dog’ kind of week.  This would be one of them…

It all began when I missed out on the job I went for and I have spiraled ever since.  I don’t know how I am supposed to get a job when I can’t talk about it, well not at length anyhow.  As the people here would attest too, I can belt out a design quicker than most and they love them.

I am pretty certain I can still do project management; but there is a lingering doubt because I haven’t done it.  When I went for this interview, I said I have 11 years as a senior project manager for the largest health service in Victoria.  I know all too well everything that these people are going through; I’m living it!  And believe me, I do; right down to the speaking over me when I pause or when they stand in a circle, they edge me out just a little.  Oh don’t get me wrong; they don’t even realise that they do it!

It is stupid really.  I know I’ll get something.  I’ve got two years until things get dire but the reality is that I want one now.  I want to start my life now.  I want to be the ‘me’ that I’m going to be, now.  I want to be challenged!

So the black dog is on me and there is nothing, so it would seem, I can do about it. Just ride it out I guess!  Of course the upside of that is that when I get something, I’ll be over the moon.  Makes me think who I am is just around the corner!  And that only makes me more depressed!