Saturday, January 14, 2012

Gagging for Release

Am at a crossroads to know what the hell I’m supposed to do about Kid 3’s fortnightly foray’s over to Oakleigh.
Firstly, the kid is nearing fifteen so like me, you may be wondering why he would want to come and spend the weekend with his father and his father’s Squeezette; given that he has only just returned home from Perth/Bali and 3-4 week enforcement of ‘Mother’ company.  When I was the same age, I’d have done just about anything to get out trotting off to see anyone other than my friends.  Besides, the world in teenage years has completely altered within a few weeks.  There is a whole new world of gossip to catch up on.
Where are the friends..?  Well that is easy enough to answer; there are none. 
If I raise this as an issue, the Squeeze will mention that he may go spend the day with his cousin on Monday.  Yeah; well cousins don’t count as far as I’m concerned; they have to play with you – it’s part of family doctrine.  Besides, I’ve met this cousin who was a know-it-all little worm who was mean to Kid 3 and immediately got my back up; probably because of the enforced play time.
Okay…  So how do we fix it?

Well I could play this youtube movie...
I may have mentioned that often when the kid arrives he is wearing a stench that makes my eyes water and my stomach gag.  And please note, this is not by any stretch of the imagination, exaggerated.  I embellish quite a lot on here, it makes for a more exciting read but about this, I lie not.
And it is without doubt, a huge problem.  I’ve asked the Squeeze to tell the Harridan to ensure he packs clean clothes; although I’ll admit, any clothes is a step in the right direction – more often than not he used to come for 3 days with nothing to change in to.  And he must take some responsibility for this; he is nearly fifteen after all.  Either way, wearing clothes so filthy they could stand up by themselves in the corner is a problem when shopping for friends.
To rectify that, I’ve got the kid showering as soon as humanly possible and when he gets out, I get the Squeeze to go and get his stuff, turn it in the right way and put it in the washing machine (then I come along and program the long wash, Napisan soak and fluffy rinse.)
The Squeeze and I have discussed this quite a few times as for me, it is a huge issue.  But I am going to take a punt and say that if we are in the car, and I have to open the window and stick my head out like a dog because the stench is so bad, then anyone at school would cringe away from him.
Today, I realised that the clothes are only one issue.  There is no toothbrush whipping out when he is here and before you ask; I did buy him a toothbrush, toothpaste, face wash and deodorant when the Squeeze moved in here; put it in a little wash bag in his room – God knows where that has gone.  But there is no desire to shower.  How it usually works is I nag the Squeeze, he tells the kid to shower, the kid ignores him; I whine to the Squeeze, he tells the kid to shower, the kid ignores him.  I whine to the Squeeze, he yells at the kid and the kid storms off to shower.
Today, while over the other side of town having coffee with Kid 1, I got a look at the kid’s hair and from that moment on, I was gagging.  When we left, I did the “head out of the window” dog act all the way home.  A grease slick with enough dandruff to look like snow – and I’m tipping that is where the stench is coming from.  I’m nearly gagging now even thinking about it.  It is the most revolting thing I've ever seen.
When we got home the Kid was marched off to have a shower and wash his stinking hair – but that will only fix it today.  The Squeeze needs to have a talk to him and tell him that if he goes to a new school like that, then he sure as hell won’t find any friends there either…  And he has to take it on board and rectify it, because that moron that he calls mother is obviously too stupid to enlighten him on the art of cleanliness!  This is bordering on child abuse in my world…
And I'm not at all sure how to handle it.  This is not something I’ve had to deal with previously.  My kids, still to this day, more often than not had me banging on the bathroom door shouting at them to get out!  So I am beginning to think it is learned behaviour.  Ie:  The Harridan is always late – the kid is always late (according to his report) and evidence of this is when we are ready and waiting to go somewhere, he absolutely will not hurry.  Organisational skills are zip.  Anitbiotics he won't take as they are "evil"...
But the lack of hygiene?  That didn’t come from the Squeeze.  Living in a pigsty...  Now that he contributed to, tossing stuff where you like has been learned at both homes (and a hard habit to break here.)  But what the hell do we do about the body odour?   And how does the Squeeze bring this into the conversation without making the kid feel bad about himself?  (Sorry, but I want no part in it; I just want it fixed...)
In short, I’ve emailed the Squeeze to say if he does not fix this; then he will have to go camping every second weekend from here on in because I refuse to be gagging around my own house.  Aside from anything else, the poor kid needs guidance!

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!