Yay!!!! I've got an interview....

Okay, I hear you say it's only an interview; but that's better than I've had lately!  Mind you, I haven't been game to go for any jobs lol, mainly because I don't know anymore what I don't know...  I went for this one because the job service I'm using, put me forward for it.
It is only for 3 hours a day so I will be easing back into it.

If I get it, then I should imagine I will spend a little time getting used to going to work again.  Filling my days in!  Not being bored or wondering where the time has gone!!

I figure that we just get used to working.  I'm hoping my world will just swell to fit it in; but I'm not 100% sure...  When I'm used to this job and getting up, then I'll see about moving back into project work...

That's the good news.  The bad news is I've done a pipe under the house :(

Your hair!!! It looks great!

Well I got my hair done the other day.  Cut short.  Hmm, I must admit, some of the comments I've had makes me wonder why it took me so long!  Admittedly, it's harder to do.  I was getting used to scraping it all back in one pony tail; but its worth the extra work.
Use of the hair dryer and the straightener works!

Today, I got up early and went to my job finding place for a course on "finding a job".  I always feel a tad out of it.  They are a bunch of strange ducks!!!

One of the guys there has no teeth, but things he says are amusing !  Two of the women don't want to work; one (who I like) because she is about 10 seconds off retirement so no one's going to hire her and the other because she has a work cover claim against Coles.  In effect, she's never going to get hired.  Then you have the guy who came in today; didn't say much so I don't have an opinion.  There are two young guys.  One sits with his back to the group and ignores us for the most part; the other loses his cool and shouts a lot until he's ordered out.  Great.

The girl that I like is, or was, a nursing sister.  I am, or was, a project manager.  The others have for the most part, never worked or worked stacking shelves.  It is funny really because the guy with no teeth seems quite intelligent.  Makes me wonder what makes them all tick...

Then I came home; walked the dog.  Now I'll cook myself dinner, keeping it simple but nice because tomorrow I'm starting the month long potato diet.... (don't ask... Look instead)

And then I'll watch a movie before bed.  I'll probably watch it in bed!  I just remebered that I have no remote!  Stupid Sharpy chewed the remote and one of the books from my cabinet today!

Life just keeps on keeping on.

Just hanging!

By the time I got up this morning;  got dressed and went to see the acupuncturist, the day was almost half gone.  I stopped in town because I wanted to get a new fitbit; an Alta.  It feels very swish and is clocking my steps no problem.  Better than the last one I had.  I couldn't see anything unless I looked at it on the computer or on the phone.

I got home; walked the dog through the cemetery.

I always wonder while there, reading the headstones.  'So and so, beloved or adored wife/husband of so and so.'  What makes them adored..?  And did they know it wile alive, or did the wife call him an arsehole while he had an affair on her..?

And all the while, there are the little kids.  They make me sad.

Sunday! House work day!

Last night I went for dinner at my brother's and sister-in-law.  She had spent all day on the house; which sparkled!  So today, I've cleaned. Well I'm nearly done; waiting for the floors to dry so I can get cleaning products from the bench over there to do the bathroom with!

I put it off.  My niece stayed last night too, so off we went this morning to take the dog for a shampoo and blow dry; then we went for a walk and ended with breakfast at Sailor's Rest.

Then I took her home...

I love my niece in law.  She's great.  Her husband left her; or she left him after discovering he was having an affair.  This caused her to lose weight like there is no tomorrow and he took most of the friends. (They sound kind of sucky so that isn't any great loss if you ask me!)  Anyway, in discussing it, she said "I would make a fantastic Private Investigator!!"

Well!

Then I remebered I wanted to get a business up years ago.  I think I still have the logo's for it I designed!  The Vensus Trap (and it had a venus fly trap in it... lol).

I'm going to do a little investigation about getting it up!  Doing a course!  I don't need an interesting life!   I'll just live vicariously through my clients!

Yawn worthy life...

My yawn worthy life continues.

I haven't heard about a job.  I'm losing weight; albeit slowly; but still losing...  I've still got no man I could be crazy about and I couldn't deal with one anyhow.  My house is immaculately clean although the backyard leaves a lot to be desired thanks to Sharpie.

We are doing it up; puppy proofing the lawn.  God, that dog has cost me a fortune!  Puppy proofing the lawn has cost me about eight hundred dollars so far.  I had to get wire and soil and then more grass.  What for?  He only poops on it!  So I have to go clean it up!
Don't even start me on the 3.5k I had to pay to get them to extract a needle and thread from his belly!

So I have decided if my life is to spice up, I'm going to have to do the spicing!

I am going to get my hair cut short today.  Really short!

I bought a new dress and a cardigan today in anticipation of getting a job...  I'm going to the football tomorrow to see the mighty cats play the last home game of the season.  Go Cats!!!  Then finals start and the Footy Tipping concludes, which I won.   I can't believe it.
The closest is 6 behind me so I would basically have to royally fuck up!  Brain damaged and I still beat them all!  I couldn't do it when my brain was in tact. lol

Well the wish hasn't happened yet!!

Yesterday I was hoping something would change...   For the better!  To describe my life at the moment would be to say it is mundane... Dull... Uneventful! Wasted!!!

I described it to a tee in my blog yesterday.  I really do get out of bed, walk Sharpie; have coffee; do some housework and cook... That sums it up exactly.
Even my cooking is boring!  (It's hard not to be; I'm on a diet!)

I started thinking about it this morning.
Perhaps I'm so tired all the time because I am bored..?

I'm not stupid.  I know that you get tired with an ABI; but I'm exhausted!  I mean the file cabinet in my head has fallen over; it's lying there on the ground.  All the cards are messed up!  No more is there a neatness to them.  No alphabetical order and words or thoughts just leaping out of my mouth at will.  I shouldn't have to be fatigued all the time too.  That's really unfair!

So I'm not deluding myself when I say that perhaps my brain will expand to fit work in...

I mean I'm sure I'll be tired for the first month or two but I would if I had been on holiday for the last 1.9 years too.  As a way to combat some of it, I'm going to start getting up and going to bed at work times next week.  Just through the week...  As if I had a job already.

I can do something in that time.

Paul, my acupuncturist, said that people who have an acquired brain injury should learn something.  Something different like another language.  Apparently if you spend 15 minutes a day learning, it creates different paths in the brain. After he said that I went and bought the book French for Dummies (it came with a CD too!) and so I drive around listening to French.

Okay, the daughter laughed her ass off when she jumped in the car today!  But it's my brain!  And I can do what I want with it!

Sunshine. Barrhumbug!!

Pity the days keep on keeping on!

I do the same thing every day.  Boring!!
Get out of bed; walk Sharpie then that is followed by going somewhere (the acupuncturist or rehab) and coffee out somewhere nice; before coming home to start it all again!  I'll admit, the coffee usually has lunch involved...  No wonder I'm getting as fat as a house!
I think it is time to diet.

I know the old saying is "be careful what you wish for", but hell!!!!
I wish something would happen!
Something good this time!

There really is sunshine!

Well it is sunny today!

But I'm buggered!  They messed with my meds and that has got me sleepy as!  Oh well; due for a nice early night  :)

I'm still staying away from men.  I think I need to get my life in order before I can invite anyone else in.  I guess that means just getting used to all the alone time...

Pity that doesn't stop money flying out of my purse.  Ally has decided that she is redoing my back yard...  New top soil; new lawn stuff...   And this weird metal thing like fence wire to keep the dog from digging holes!

Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows!

Your right.  That's not my life...

I'm a fifty something year old single woman.  I've just moved cities.  I've got brain damage; worse because people can't see it (no dicky limps or window licking!)  But what that does mean is that I'm not as quick and as sharp as I once was.   Wow; I should be writing advertisements for single woman; not!

Although I am starting to accept my life and even like it.  It just means that I have to fill in all my time; with useful stuff!

Dating is going to be hard, so I'll take that off my scope.

I really wanted to just spend some time with someone.  It doesn't have to be romantic! And therein lies the problem.  My friend Tom that I used to go to school with dumped me because he didn't want to be just friends.  WTF!  Can't gals and guys be friends anymore..?

So...  If I don't want to sit here on my own, it means going out.  Meeting people.  But how does a fifty something year old meet people?  And that, my friends... Is the biggest question!!

Wow. That was a waste of 6 Years...

Well I have to dump the Moodle again.  Why?  Because his son is turning Muslim in anticipation of a wedding.  I'd have liked to go, being that damned Moodle's partner!

Instead, I got an email that said:

"Saturday i've got breakfast with zen - don't know where don't know when then some time sat is the nikka thing - don't know where don't know when and it's direct family only sorry."

Oookkaay!  "direct family only".
I thought it was 6 years!
That makes me direct family!

But I decided that it is one of two thing.  Either he doesn't love me enough to make a fuss; or the wimp was brow beaten into dumping me.

Both of those things are bloody unattractive.

I deserve better. Even if I'm on my own; I'm tipping I would feel better.

Leaps and bounds...

Today I moved forward in leaps and bounds.

Martha, the girl from my insurance company who is helping me get a job, came with me to the doctors.   I felt a little strange taking her there and when she asked me if she could come, I cringed on the inside.  Still, aside from a little cringing; it went fantastic.

I go month after month and take all my forms but never actually ask anything.

She did.  She asked if there were any private practice places that dealt in cognitive issues and if there were, could I get a referral.  She talked about my being of higher intelligence (lol got them fooled!).  Went through my last job and my CV.  She was great.  Then she followed up by coming home with me and helping me to update my LinkedIn.

I understand that she wants to get me off insurance and working again; I think it would be great for me....  But I also said what if it fails.

She won't let me fail.
I think she is on my side.

Life!!! Doh!!!

Oh.  A life is what I'm supposed to be living while I wait to die!  I didn't realise!

I want a job.  Well that's good because the place that is helping me find one, have got me lined up for two.   Trouble is, I don't think I can cope with full time work; at least not yet. And the job I would like is a project manager full time.  But the other one is a receptionist; part time.  3 hours a day.  That sounds pretty perfect except for the reception bit lol

So I sit and wait!
Hope the right job comes soon!
Of course I have 3.5 years in wage insurance...

Can I have a job...

I want a job but I don't want to have to go in for an interview; or win them over...

It's kind of like a relationship!  I'd like one, but stuff going out with someone new.
Being nice!   I want to start in the middle; comfortable with one another.  What the Hell is wrong with me?  I used to love new!  It's one of the reasons I've had three ex-husbands!!!

But I'm too tired!  :)

Hi Ho, Hi Ho...

I went to a job placement company today; a prearranged visit.  I have 3 girls working for me; it's the benefit of having a brain injury!  (There are some....)

I think I have a shot at getting this job.  It's for the chamber of commerce and only people with an "issue" can apply.  Of course, they will probably see me as normal as do the rest of humanity!!  Well, that is until I forget something...

It is working fifteen hours a week.  I want to see how I cope with that before getting carried away.  It is only 8.38 pm and I'm exhausted...  I'm always pretty tired because my brain needs to rest (so the doctors say!)

Anyway, it is working reception and covering when the girls are at lunch.  It is only 3 hours per day, but it is a good place to start; and if I cope well with that, I'll try for a real job...  Well, in a couple of months.

Working. It's the life!

Well today I went to a job placement company to attend a course.  In actual fact, I thought I went well for the six or so hours I was there.  My level of concentration was good, although not "work", there is a certain amount of attention that you need.  There was a point just after lunch that I thought my eyes would glaze over but I think that was some of the other people there...

One guy has been out of work for five years.  He has no interest in getting a job; either that or he is so beaten down, he doesn't bother trying anymore.

I sat there thinking "Hell!!  This could be me!!"

But it can't be me.
I know I'll work again; if not what in what I want, in something!!

Ahhhh Men!

Today I had to get up early for Church.  My niece had her 1st holy communion.  I don't think I've been to church since I moved away from this place.  I don't go now simply because I don't understand it...   You live.  You die.  There is a bunch of stuff that happens to you in between; most of it bad.   So what?

So I checked my facebook after my sister checked us in.  My friend Anni wrote "are you bored?"  Then we continued a bit of "Praise the Lord!" and "Jesus" which made the time go quickly.

So we all went back to my niece's house for afternoon tea; or kind of a lunch time tea lol.  Then it was off home!

I decided that the weather is beautiful so I would take Sharpie to the waterfront.  We walked, stopped for a coffee and Quigley rang "where are you???"  So when he turned up, we had a little snack and went home.

I plan on doing nothing until I have to cook a roast!  Then I'll clean up and do nothing again!

WTF????

I'm exhausted again.  It's 4.30pm!  I've done a bit today but still!!

I started off getting up at 8.30 and took Sharpie down to the beach for a walk (read the bay, as opposed to the beach!)  We got down to Sailors Rest and stopped for coffee; where upon Tom called and came down for coffee.  Then we walked the dog down to the promenade (me chickening out and not walking him on it; the sign said so) but Tom, rule breaker, walked him otlandishly on it.  We were down near my car then but I walked Tom back and then back to my car.

I'd done 8000 steps by 11.

I went home and Quigley called.  He was being a nancy.  "I've got a cold. I'm full of mucus!" [read shit]  :)  so I told him to suit himself whether he came down today or tomorrow and went into town to meet my sister and her hubby.  We shopped (I got a great jumper and a coat) and then we went for a late lunch.

I got home about 3.  I've already had a shower; washed my hair and got some eye fillet out to have for dinner.  I'll be in bed early tonight!

Ahhh! I'm tired!

Well today has been a wasted day.  What's new I hear you ask?  My life is a wasted life!

Today I dragged myself out of bed at 7.15, ran around like a wild thing and took the dog to the pamper place... lol he smells fabulous!  Got his nails trimmed (because he won't let me do it) and thought I may as well pay for him to be shampoo'd and blow dried!

Came home and vacuumed the floors and stripped my bed before I went back and grabbed him at 9.30.  I just about pushed him out of the car with barely it slowing!  I ran him in, took off his lead and ran out the door.  Off to the acupuncturist...

I think it might be working; although I did say to him he was the second last person on my list.  The last one was a hypnotist.  Let's face it, I would do anything to be free of my muscles screaming in my neck.  It's strange, because I no longer feel stress.  Zip;  nada!
But my body does obviously!  I've been four times so far to lie there with needles sticking in me (including my head!!)

This was followed by a leisurely drive home where I grabbed the dog and back out in the car.  I text a friend of mine and said I was walking the dog if he wanted to join me so he turned up as I was doing coffee at Sailors Rest (what a fabulous place!)

I left there and went to Bunnings and bought a heap of lillie bulbs, came home and planted them.  Then took the dog for another short walk and how I'm home.  Yay!

I close the doors and curtains...  Block out the world!!

That was different!

I'm always worried when going out with people that I don't really know.   School friends are especially difficult because although you know them, that was 30+ years ago and people are bound to have changed since then.  It's a reality I learned when I went out with a school mate last year!

But I've got to say; today was easy.  He poured through his life (and I think mine is difficult!!!) and pulled no punches.  It was like two old friends meeting for the millionth time.  Are we going to do it again..?  Bet your britches on it.  We'll go out and I'll be his wingman or he can be mine  :)

I'm no longer one thousand years of age...

Today was a normal kind of Wednesday....

I got up, readied myself and went out the front door to go to the gardens.  It's kind of nice.  I am polite when someone speaks but mostly, I get to immerse myself in the plants.  I was going to say it is boring; but I don't ever get bored.  Just repotting plants in bigger pots and putting them in the greenhouse; it's nice.

About 10.30 ish, a guy came through the gate and I knew him immediately.  Not bad, considering we haven't seen one another in about thirty five years or so.  Okay, so I assume we have both aged lol.  We went to high school together!  We did a quick hello but work called me and then morning tea; so off I went.  I had to pay for an up and coming lunch, (we are doing Jack Rabbit's winery next Monday) and so I swapped numbers with Judy and decided we would go early to the lunch and stop for a sticky beak at Drysdale.

I was finishing up when I saw Tom was still looking around so I caught up with him and we went for a coffee.  Sometimes it is surprising how easily conversation comes.  Other times, it is not so easy.   He was an easy conversationalist.  We just talked crap; memories... Anything that came to mind.  In fact, we decided we could be 'friends in Geelong' since the few I have I only get to see every fortnight or so...

We talked so effortlessly that I was cutting it fine to go to the doctors!

So I rushed out of the carpark and I went to see a new shrink.  Mind you, I only went to get some medication to keep me awake (which she couldn't give me because she said I didn't meet the criteria) so she gave me a sample packet of meds and I left (I'm going back in 2 weeks, she was good).

So here I am; pausing from my roast lamb!  Because Dylan and Ally are both in tonight so I thought I would do a roast...

I'm Wilder than I Thought!

Yesterday I mentioned that my mood is a straight line; well with a tiny wave of curves just for fun.  I said that my personality is a straight line, instead of wildly careening from high to low.

Now I'm not so sure that is as described...

My mood is not lurching from 'fantastic' to 'doom and gloom' in one swing of the pendulum...

But it is slowly building...  Ie: instead of seconds at 'full tilt' and then seconds at 'doom and gloom', now I have a full day.  Oh no!  A full day of feeling okay (which was not at the level of 'fantastic' I had before!!) and a full day of feeling tired of the world (come to think on it; that isn't as bad as it was before either.)

If I had to explain it, I'd say I don't feel angry or ecstatic in my everyday dealings with life.  I feel kind of numb...   In a fog.  If my short term memory wasn't getting better, I'd say I don't feel those things to any great extreme simply because I forgot what I was feeling great/awful about from one minute to the next.

Oh well...  It's not like I can do anything about it!

Today I went in to see the specialist 'job acquirer' that, together with the girl from the
'insurance company' and my 'occupational therapist, are going to find me a job.  Well, it is difficult because I don't know what I want to do, or what I can do!   I've still got 3.5 years left on my wage insurance but I figure maybe I should be getting into it for the social aspect, if nothing else!

I think my brain will swell to take in the extra things; but I'm not 100% sure.  So it's starting small with their knowledge of my ABI; which is where my 3 girls come in to it!

I feel a thousand today!  :(

Let Me go to WORK!!!

Alright.  The year before last I had a full time job.  I was a Project Manager for Victoria's largest health service.  No slouch for a job really...  Then I made the mistake of having brain surgery in my own hospital....  I did my research for crying out loud!  1.5 years later I'm unemployed; I have a dicky brain; I've moved house...

Oh; did I neglect to say I love it..?

I guess most people who are suffering from a brain hiccup (read 'injury') don't think it did them a favour.  I do; and I'm going to tell you why.

1.  I'm a nicer person...  Two years ago I was a wild wriggly line in the mood department; steep wriggles!  Now, i'm barely a movement on the line of moods, I'm so even.  So, I'm a nicer person.

2.  Two years ago I didn't have a house.  I moved to Geelong to be with my family and fell in love with a house that my sister sent to me on realestate.com.  I walked in to the open for inspection and loved it; I bought it there and then.  I moved into it on December 20.  I still love it; even if there are things I would change (like the windows....)

The only thing that hasn't come to fruition is a job...  But that seems to move closer; albeit, slowly.

Today I had to go to Centrelink. I had a 'work assessment' appointment there; and the girl was wonderful!  We laughed and I explained my whole sorry saga!  But I repeatedly have the same issue.  They think I'm cured and I think I'm a moron.

Which is it?