Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The Magic Phone

We went to bed without speaking last night – which I hate.  I got more silence this morning; which I also hate; mainly because I figure if there is an issue, it should be discussed.  So I say “don’t you think we should be discussing this..?”
And then I copped it.  I snooped on him.  Spied on him!  How dare I!  How dare I change the settings on his phone to spy on him!
You may recall a few months ago while blogging, I mentioned that we had been out to lunch with his brothers, the Munchkins.  The Squeeze’s brother and wife were fighting because he got caught out lying to her.  She was beyond angry; she was visibly shaking with it.   I was actually impressed when the Squeeze mentioned several times – “you just don’t get it do you? It doesn’t matter why or what.  You don’t lie to your partner.”
Hmm seems those wise words are only for others to live by, because I believe I am entitled to the same level of commitment really.  I mentioned this while he stormed around the house this morning; asking why it is, that this is the major focus – given that he lied to my face, twice.  I kind of think that lying should be right up there as well.
But this is not the case.  He didn’t lie.  He didn’t send that message.  Yes, he sent it to his friend, but not to her.  Even seeing it sitting there – in his sent folder – he still “has no idea how it got there.  He didn’t send it.  Can’t say more than that.”
Yeah.  And I’m just supposed to run with that???  Sorry, did I lose brain cells while gaining kilos?  I don't think so.
I remember an interview with Whoopi I heard once a long time ago; I think it was about Bill Clinton and the “I did not have sex with that woman” comment.  She said “of course he lied.  Any man is going to lie about that!  If you come home and walk in on your husband having sex with a cheerleader on your bed, he’s going to say he tripped and fell!!!!”  And she is, of course, 100% correct.
I am supposed to feel contrite that I snooped on him.  Here he is, taking the moral high ground about me snooping, and changing the settings on his phone so that I could snoop!  So a planned snoop!  And yep, guilty as charged; and I have no problem admitting that.
Well sorry, but I hate liars and I intend to know if that is the life he is offering.  My mother used to say "I'd rather live with a thief than a liar; because at least then I'd know to put my wallet away!"  I've never forgotten those words, beacuse they are spot on.
So I’m not even remotely contrite – because I am not the type to bury my head in the sand and just ignore the fact that someone else has more power over him than I; that he cares more about someone else and their feelings, more so than mine.  That my wishes obviously don't count and after nearly two years, it's getting pretty obvious, that they never will.  Why the hell would I just accept that?  I give more than that.  I deserve more than that.
But it is apparent now, that this is the case.  It is more important to him to attempt to be in her good books, than to be honest to me.  Even though he will never be in her good books.  And this is the reality, phone fairy’s and text messages aside.  Maybe he will shrug off this life and just go back to her, because he is not much use to anyone else until he can shut down what ever this is he has going for her.
No one wants to be second all the time.

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!