Monday, July 18, 2011

Imagine My Surprise

I’ve gone out with quite a few liars over the years.  Three ex-husbands would kind of allude to that I guess.  That isn’t to say I haven’t lied when I felt cornered, I have.  But that was always at the end.  At the goodbye.  When you are at the door…

We have this recurring problem, the Squeeze and I, in that he can’t be anything, but a moodle – no matter how much I argue.  I thought that we had gone a little way in repairing that on the weekend.  I highlighted the fact that on the death of a friend, he had immediately sent her a text to tell her.
I don’t think I’m unreasonable when I say that I can't understand why he feels this overwhelming need to do things for her, pay things.  She has told him outright – she doesn’t like him.  She goes out of her way to ensure that things go badly, cost more, and are hell.  And yet he can’t wait to send her a text to tell her. I’m picturing a poodle on hind legs – tongue out… Look at me!  Look at me! 

And let's face it, it's not like she wasn't told by one of the mutual friends.  In fact, she didn't even bother to reply to him.

So he agrees that yes, maybe he needs to look at this and see someone.  We have a lengthy discussion on who to see so that he can work out what this is all about; why he can’t shut down this side of his life, even though it is affecting our life.

In reality – it is 'he' see someone; not 'we'.  And while debating, it’s 'not an issue' of course.  It’s just that he has a need to be liked by everyone.  From my perspective, that argument tends to go out the window when I point out that he wants people to like them yes, but doesn’t generally just hand over a 1000 k stainless steel fridge to anyone – just her.  Doesn't go above and beyond for anyone else.  Just her.  This isn’t about being liked by all and sundry.   This is an inability to close the door on her; put her in the past. 
Today, he gets a message of the anticipated funeral. Did he text her to tell her?  I ask him, given our lengthy discussion on it yesterday.  No, of course he didn’t.  He wasn’t sure the facts were correct so didn’t bother to tell anyone.

You may remember that in a blog last week, I said he lied.  I felt that he had and I had told him that, hell, he reads my blog anyhow - so he knew that was how I felt.  He denied it of course, but then that is how it usually works.  The worst person I ever went out with was a PI.  He used to laugh at the men caught out; they would deny it right up until you could see their face in the photo.

It’s not that I distrust him.  Mostly, I do trust him – but I go with the gut.  Last week when I suspected he lied to me, I changed the phone settings so that the sent messages are retained.  So I ask again if he had told her when the funeral was.  It's not a big deal, he could have said yes and I would have ranted at him a bit and called him a Moodle, big deal.  He says no, but this time the story changes slightly.  He only told a friend of his...

So of course, I look at the sent messages and low and behond.  There it is.  In black and white.  Sent to "many".  The friend, and the wife.

I'm not a bad snooper but I'm not great at keeping it under wraps.  I mean common sense would be to not alert him to the fact that I had checked, and he would blithly go on.  Of course I can't do that.  I'm far too busy steaming because not once, but twice - he looked me in the fact and lied to me.  And about..?  The same issue we have had since day dot.  The wife.

And in the face of my anger, he just continued to lie about it… “I did not” then when the phone is tossed at him – “I don’t know how that…”  Blah blah

Yeah.  Right.  Guess that means we moved into ‘the end’.  And in some ways, I guess I felt like I was just starting; and now I’m at the end already.  But then, such is life (according to Ben Cousins at least…)   ‘The Beginning of the End’ is what it means to me; because more of what I felt, just died.  
More will follow I expect.  He can’t seem to help himself.

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!