Friday, July 29, 2011
The Harangue Continues…
There was a moment, albeit, very brief, when I actually felt sorry for the Squeeze this morning. He was up early and rushing about the house to get on the road, off to do the Harridan’s bidding. Why did I feel sorry for him? Because I suspect he realises he has reached a ‘do or die’ moment in life and he is uncertain how to deal with it.
He isn’t big on change at the best of time, and here I am, asking him to completely change the way his life has been for the last 25 years. But when all is said and done, the life he has lived for the last 25 years just isn’t sustainable. He has allowed it to evolve in this fashion and like everything else that you let slide, there is a world of pain before you get to where you need to be.
For the sake of peace, he has gone above and beyond; let her strip him of everything (including his testicles and spine) so in part, it is his own fault. But as with most people that suffer battered syndrome, it is done slowly, systematically, with such manipulation that you are in too deep to stop it before you realise what is going on.
So we end up with this co-dependent relationship where she nails herself to the cross for the world to see what a martyr she is, while she continuously berates him for being what she considers, is a pathetic father. And his acceptance of this, just seems to escalate the demands and abuse.
I should probably point out the truth of what I mean when I say ‘asking him to change how it currently works'. If this paints me as the picture of restraint, having a calm and reasonable conversation with him – that would be erroneous. It is more like me screeching at him and storming around the house slamming doors, before slugging back another glass of red while wondering what the hell I have let myself in for.
I try and look at it abstractedly; without success. No matter how many times I twist that Rubik’s Cube, I come to the same pattern. He fears her. It’s that simple. And I’m sorry, but “you can’t deal reasonably with a psycho” just isn’t going to cut it for me anymore. I don’t care if she’s a psycho. She hasn’t seen me in action yet.
So after me shrieking at him last night, he finally refused to give into one of her demands. Just one… And for that, he obviously didn’t sleep well, got up early to shower and was ready to head across town to pick up kid 3 for school before I even got up.
I am a mother. I’m not blind to the realities of life – there are unforeseeable circumstances that leap upon us all – we can’t plan for everything and I’m fine with that. But her whole life is an unforeseeable circumstance. Planning and organisation has never been demanded of her. He has always just given in; done as instructed and so this is how she intends to proceed from here on. It doesn’t matter that he is in a relationship and living with someone else. She couldn’t care less if it inconveniences him, or me – as long as it doesn’t inconvenience her.
Yesterday, she needed the Squeeze to have the kid. Fine. That was fine by me. Of course if I’d have understood the drama before I had said fine, I’d have said “sorry, no can do.” But hindsight is a marvellous thing. You see although she wanted us to have kid 3 for her benefit, she also wanted to go out for dinner with kids 1, 2, & 3 across the other side of town – and have the Squeeze trot over there when she was good and ready, to pick up the kid.
Sorry...? Simple. Either let the Squeeze get Kid 3 from school (far less inconvenience) and have the kid skip dinner; or go to dinner and drop him off when you are finished.
Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? Not in her world; because she does everything… EVERYTHING!!!!!! See how she burns while doing things for these kids; do you see it??? Never was there anyone on the planet that was a martyr like this. Joan of Arc was nothing! Nothing!
And I totally blew a gasket. He told me he had put forward the option of meeting them half way, but no. That was good enough. Frankly, I’m surprised she didn’t want him to front at the restaurant to pick him up. That way he could pause to pay the bill prior to buggering off home again.
Change is going to be a long drawn out affair. Hope I last.
Posted by Mistress at 10:02 AM