Thursday, June 16, 2011

Look it's a Boulder…

Years ago, there was the phenomenon that was “men are from Mars; women from Venus”.  There were books, mugs, magazine articles.  Hell, there was a whole marketing campaign designed for the utterly stupid – because who on the planet didn’t already know that men and women think differently?

I like to think that women are the reasonable ones.  I may be wrong.  However, most of those generic mistakes made by men are easily understood.  We all know what the problem is.  They just have to learn to think smart; think about someone, other than themselves.  Men find that difficult.  But in reality - it's pretty damned easy!  Don’t lie.  Don’t cheat.   Put your partner first – at least some of the time.

Ignoring any of those basic rules is likely to get you stabbed.  Ignoring all three simultaneously is likely to get you stabbed quickly (and repeatedly) before your carcass is dragged into the back yard where there is a shovel and a bag of lime waiting...

I have been out with some total deadbeats over the years; hell, I’ve married some of them.  Dealing with a constant stream of morons that are incapable of giving the basic things a woman (me) requires to make a relationship work; is difficult.  Did I say it was difficult?  I actually mean it is an arduous, absolutely gruelling thing.  And the tiny little issue that it started as; well that becomes a bolder running down a hill – it is gaining momentum and size on the way down.  

Eventually, it whacks you in the face.  And it’s a bloody big rock by then.  It hurts, it flattens you.  And if you can get up, it’s only to stagger to the wine cabinet to pour another glass of red.

If you are sitting there thinking ‘wtf..?’  then I will explain.  As you may recall from the last entry, the Squeeze was on route 66 of “bring me something (money); I’ll give you the divorce papers” followed by him saying to me “if I don’t get them this time, I’ll do it myself.”

So, were the divorce papers signed and handed over today..?  
No actually.  They were not.  I know this has shocked Moodle world.

I was told this around mid morning, after finally sending a text question to him.  Yes… I know.  I also find that having to actually ask the question is strange.  I mean you would think that the fact I have a counter on my blog, counting down the days I've been awaiting the mythical divorce would be a red flag.  That most of our conversation is around “did you get the divorce papers..?  No..?  When are you doing it yourself this time?” would seem to be a pretty good indication that I’m hanging on to the edge of my seat here, just waiting to see if this really is a “cold day in hell”. 

And if all that didn’t give it away, then my “text me when you know…” should have been the clincher.

Ahhh but there is nothing simple in my life.  Nothing in this relationship is 'simple', except maybe the people I'm dealing with.  So rather than make it easy for everyone and just send a text with 'bitch didn't hand them over'; the Squeeze would rather sit and wait.  He will make me ask – even though he knows I’m sitting there wondering. 

Why?  Personally, I feel that this way, he feels as though he can take the moral high ground…  Hey - I didn't say it was a reasonable thought process.  It's stupid in the extreme - because it just adds a whole other layer of complexity - but at least for him, it is my complexity.  Because he can sit and think 'here she goes again.  Here she is...  Asking again.'   When in reality, we all know that if he just did what he promised 173 days ago – I wouldn't have to ask at all.  

That’s not Venus vs Mars.  That is Woman vs Moron.

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!