I feel like shit...

I'll admit, after years of religiously blogging; I've taken a huge leap into the unknown...  I find I don't care about much anymore, so its hard to blog about something when you don't feel passion about anything!

I'm here, living my life.  The Moodle is with me, but I even sense I'm not really doing it for him either; he's just going through the motions.  It is hard to feel a great love for anything when all I feel is crap within myself; when everything hurts!

So although I take it the 'higher being' thought it would be damned funny to give me 27 brain operations (and there will be more to come!) I kind of got that. Hell it's amusing! But then he thought it would be a damned laugh to give me brain damage - I sort of got that too, because I rose above the brain damage (let's face it, what was I going to do? Jump in the grave and pull the dirt up over my head?). I dealt with it because I had to.

So now it seems, I have Spinal Stenosis. OMG does it hurt! I've had three years of it, just trying to diagnose it! My neurosurgeon discovered what it was (after 2 hip replacements did nothing!)  I'm on steroids which is making me as fat as a cow and nothing fits me, and I feel miserable!! My head looks like a beach ball with short hair on top (thanks to the 2 brain surgeries at the end of last year where they left a rats tail at the back!! WTF??? Which I had to get to the hairdressers and get Kim to fix it!

So tomorrow I go for cat scans and MRI and then another cat and then he'll tweak my shunts if necessary - but at least I'll know! I'll have an answer! So what, another surgery is the fix (this time on my spine which is a little disconcerting) but hell, I'd sleep with Satan if he fixed me!