Saturday, March 28, 2015

Ups and downs of life...

I've decided that there isn't anything that anyone can do.  The highs and desperate lows I'm experiencing are a part of life.  A part of this illness that sucks me to the end and back; and I don't know if I can take another day.

I haven't had depression since the last catastrophe that is this brain complaint.  I'd had 6 or so operations around the same time at least ten years back, and I didn't understand why where once there was light; now there was beige.  Worse that beige; black.

That time I pulled my life apart and walked away.  I didn't understand... Know.

This time I want to do that too.  I want to buy a little house in Tassie; by the water.  Have some chooks.  My piano.  My computer...  I want to write the days away...

But its a dream...

My life is as hard as it can be.  I want to escape, but is it simply 'new life' or 'running away'..?

So... Day two of the lack of medication is as black as it can be.

Yesterday saw me as high as I could get.
Now today, in the depths of despair!  I want to cry, for no reason!

So, its a waiting game.

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!