A cold, unemotional eye...

“I told you I wanted a few days to mull it over before I discussed it with you!  But you’re on me as soon as I walk in the door!”  This is what I was met with upon my waking an hour earlier than required and telling him I’d had a sleepless night. (While he was wearing Speedo’s mind you, combining revolting with petulant is a truly ugly combination.)

Now had he said “on me like a fat kid on a cupcake”, I’d have been moved to violence instead of tears; which would have been nice for a change.  I’m uncertain if this idiot is incapable of understanding basic human emotion or if I am only now understanding, after all these years, that he belongs in the ‘narcissist’ silo after all.  Hell, given my track record with men, it would appear that I have a penchant for them!  Either way, the violence would have been preferable to feeling like crap – something I seem to be feeling on a regular basis these days as my self esteem takes a beating.

It short, is somewhat apparent that the Squeeze actually believes the feely good psychology line of “it’s all about you; what you want.”  

Okay.  I’m not sure why I am the one that has to explain the basic facts of life to a fifty-six year old with the emotional maturity of a fourteen year old kid, but here we go...  Ummm , Moron.  We don’t live in a vacuum.  You are not the only person in this equation; I also exist here.  Have an opinion!  A stake in what happens!

And perhaps while the Nut Doctor is sitting there, offering the Moodle and handful of tissues, platitudes and SWOT analysis, he should point out that the reverse side of the coin he is carelessly tossing in the air, is that by the time he sits and thinks and makes decisions about what he wants; that what he wants may no longer enter into the equation, because I’m fast approaching the end of my rope here. 

It shouldn’t have to be this hard and trust me, the last two years have been one crawl forward, five back.  And it’s getting harder, because he either doesn’t care or is too stupid to understand that this past week has left me empty and wondering why the hell I am putting myself through this.  Why am I bothering to argue with someone that doesn’t get such a simple set of requirements?   Sorry, but I seriously do not think it is too much to ask that the person I live with, not have a joint bank account with the wife.  It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t access it, or that it means nothing to him.  It means something to me; as does the fact that he didn’t correct my misconception that he had removed her from the account when we moved in together.

There is a refusal on his part to understand.  To his mind, the problems are me; mine.  I’m Rubik’s cubing things and coming to my own wild conclusions.  I didn’t bother to point out that it isn’t exactly a huge leap for me to understand that there is something wrong with our relationship, given that he is lying to me, hiding things and spending most of his sessions discussing my shortfalls instead his own inability to say no to the Harridan.

To that argument, I get “you are talking about the past!”  Umm no.  Just because she has called and demanded anything for a few weeks does not mean he is suddenly cured.  And in short, I really only had to say one word.  Tent.  That sent him off on another tirade about how I leap back to bring up the same things over and over again.

Anyone with an ounce of intelligence may have understood that we go over the same things so many times that I’m sure his freaking chair could explain it to him.  So why do that?  Why not just attend to these things that are creating havoc in our relationship?  Or is it that it is only because it affects me, therefore not important?

I mean my upset seems relatively simple to me.  He was originally going to see the nut doctor to help him understand that when the Harridan calls/texts/phones with her standard “UG!  Do this.  Pay this.”   That instead of doing as told, he should maybe make her understand that she has it all already and there is no more coming.

And now instead of him discovering why he is a Moodle, it would appear that the conversation centres on the failings of our relationship.  Suddenly he has to “decide what he wants” and do a SWOT analysis!  Use a cold blooded, business tool to determine an emotional relationship?  And if this idiot he is seeing actually thinks that will be of a benefit him… Looking at our life with a ‘cold unemotional eye’; then he really has no idea just who this person is!

He looks at everything with a cold, unemotional eye!  That is what he is!  A husk!