Thursday, October 20, 2011

And the roller coaster whizzes down… Again

So we work out the hiding/lying and to be honest, I think I take it pretty well.  After all, I’ve been in emotional hell for 2 or 3 days wondering if I should be packing (or in this case, having him pack) but the short of it is, I don’t go ballistic.  I don’t scream or rage or even get in a huff.  I do give him a bit of sarcasm; ie:  “can I have a mink?” (Which I wouldn’t be caught dead in anyhow) so I think he got off pretty light.  

The roller coaster had been on a downward spiral for days and not was chugging back up to the top of the rise.  I was annoyed, but in the scheme of things, it could have been worse.  Still, I understood deep down that the hiding things, lying to me; well that says something about our relationship.  I just haven’t had time to sit and contemplate what that may actually be, not yet.  Although let’s face it, it isn’t going to be good.

Today the Squeeze had visit to the “nut doctor”.  I mentioned this morning that he should probably talk to him about the ‘issue’ we had this week.  Although I hadn’t really thought about it outside of its negative connotations, I figured that he needed to understand what it meant.  And seriously, if it came painted on a Mack truck and mowed him down, he still would get it.

He has matured some in going out with me; meaning he now has the sense to pause before opening that death trap in his face called a mouth; he no longer just starts blurting out an off the cuff remark.  This possibly extends his life.

Still, we went off to a gold class movie (please note, although I’m obviously a money grubbing ho that can’t be trusted with his money – I actually purchased the tickets last week…) and he refused to discuss the ‘nut doctor’ conversations until he had let it sink in; which in code means he was awaiting comprehension in his head before he dared discuss it with me.

This is wise, because I ask a million questions and it’s like Alice down the rabbit hole; a question leads to the next, then the next, and the next thing you know, he is in trouble.

After the movie we grab dinner and I ask what, if anything, the nut doctor had to say.  And he waffles on for a bit about having to work out the varying priorities which in actual fact, I have said to him many times.  For some reason, especially in the first year or so, the family came first and I was on the bottom of the Squeeze Totem Pole.

In regards to the “hiding things and lying to me”..?  Well that was about the Squeeze having to sit down and work out what he wants.  In fact, the nut job decided that we should do a SWOT analyses over our relationship.

Yes people; grab the butchers’ paper and take turns marking out the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats within the relationship.

Am I doing the SWOT?  No.  I’m not.  I kind of figure that since we have gone out together for two years; we are living together and thinking of buying a house; well call me old fashioned, but I had already worked out what I want at that point.  And he hasn’t..?

And that was when the roller coaster started whizzing back down the hill and I closed up once again, sitting watching mindless television while my heart started into palpitation land again with the stress.

And I wondered; what the frick am I doing here..?

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!