Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Lie Guy

I once went out with a lie guy.  Oh hell, I have been out with buckets of liars, but this guy was an expert in the field of lie detection.  He told me that the rule of thumb is pretty simple in that people don’t want to lie; are probably not comfortable lying, so attempt to answer it as honestly as possible – trick is that they just avoid giving you the answer to the question you asked. 
For example, he was telling me about a particular case here in Australia – I believe it was the guy that killed his wife and child with a spear gun and dumped them at the tip.  In fact we were sharing a very nice dessert at a very nice restaurant at the time.  However, the husband was all over the news doing the standard ‘woe is me’ for the camera… ‘Please come home’ [bottom lip quivering.]
And of course they were always going to look at him; idiot.  I mean, hey, if the marriage is crap and the wife is about to divorce you, try not to go down the “she just disappeared” track, because the cops are really just not that stupid.
When going to court, a journalist shouted at the accused “did you kill your wife and child?”  You figure that is pretty simple right.  It is a very direct question.  And it is.
In fact, the lie guy told me that if he hadn’t of killed them, he would have said no.  Instead, the guy replied “I did not harm my wife and child” – a deliberate change to the actual question.  He struggled to just say the outright lie of “no.  I did not kill my wife and child.”  The lie guy was spot on of course and the creep is in prison.
This is not a trip down memory lane; this is explaining my philosophy; my theory to give insight as to how I get from point A to point B.
You see I started this blog because every time the Squeeze did something that I consider destructive to our relationship, I would sit and write him a lengthy email; pouring my heart out.  Explaining it in detail – things that I figure anyone with half a brain should be able to work out without assistance.  For example, if dating me, it’s never going to be cool with me for you to go off on the ‘happy family holiday’ over Christmas; or give me a wok and her, a bbq for the birthdays.  Or seem incapable of actually achieving any of the milestones agreed to around the divorce, or the maintenance or the will… Super!  The list is endless really.
So in reply to the three line email that covers off that my profuse swearing throughout it is unattractive, that I have an opinion, but given that it is after the event, it just doesn’t count; and my particular favourite, is he searching for accommodation or not – I send a much longer email [although please note, I cut it to the bare bones prior to sending] mentioning that his weakness is ugly – so we are even [please… insult me and expect retaliation. I’m no freaking moodle!]
I also detailed that for a relationship to work, we have to discuss and agree – not progress and give the other a fait accompli.  That while he is busy giving away all and sundry, then what the hell is he actually bringing to the relationship [he didn’t like this however, if it is his stuff to give away without discussion and too bad for my opinion, then what is at my place is mine and got nothing to do with him – his rules, not mine].
But the main thread of my manifesto; or epiphany if you like – was that he had obviously made that decision prior, but deliberately didn’t discuss it with me.  Considering that we are moving in together, I kind of figure that means we are the ‘couple’ and the Harridan the outsider.  Apparently, this is not so.
And here in lies the problem within our relationship; the same problem that has been there for the last 1.5 years – and is very much beginning to sound as though it won’t change.  Sadly, when there is any argument at his decisions around his inability to say no to her, I get “it is in your head”.  Umm no.  Actually, it is in her kitchen.
So, on the Squeeze’s totem pole, I am at the bottom.
What I say, need, think – has no bearing on his actions.  It is the Harridan who controls things.  You may ask, as I did, why?  What exactly does this mean?  It’s not about her withholding Boy 3; hell, the Squeeze has him more than the norm so withholding would appear to be a trip down ‘cutting off your nose to spite your face’.
So of course I have to ask.   I gulp it down and throw it in the ring.  After all, it is pointless for me to move in with someone who actually loves someone else.  And I’ve got to say, I am beginning to feel as though she is ‘the one’; and I’m ‘the one he can actually get’ so hey, let’s kill time with her.  As far as outcomes go, that is a good one for him.  For myself, well I figure I deserve a little better than that.
Remembering here, that if I’m lucky, I’ll get 2 lines in reply – I pose the question, quite plainly; in English.  I even go so far as to make sure he understands the question I am asking and that he needs to answer just that.  Quite simply really.  Yes.  No.  I say ‘do you love your wife?  And please, this is not ‘can you live with her’; or ‘does she want you’.  It is ‘do you love her’.  Of course it was too hard to answer for the next 24 hours; but I received a reply this morning.  Relatively lengthy – for him.  And there it was.
My question: ‘Do you love your wife’.
His answer: ‘I do love you.’

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!