Monday, February 28, 2011

Busy Little Bee…

Well D Day strikes today… 
I did happen to remind the Squeeze yesterday that this time was approaching; after all, it was at his insistence that everything would be finalised and attended to by the end of February.  He of course, denied it in his moodle-ish, stuttering kind of way.
In fact, the date has already zoomed past.  Originally when sitting like a bug under a microscope in the nut doctor’s office, he had suggested that the conclusion of Wilson’s Prom would signal that everything was done; we could move on and everything would be right in the world.
When we got back, there was a small amount of debate in that he couldn’t organise anything while we were away and at the conclusion of our stay, the Harridan was down there (using all of his stuff of course) having her own little ‘velvet wearing’ holiday.  So that effectively put all of January out.
Ok.  Fair enough.  I’ll run with that (and did) so the end of February became the new D day.  Today.  And where are we at?  You may be shocked to learn we have not progressed very far at all, actually.  Yes…  I know.  You’re not shocked.  Neither am I. 
I do believe he has tossed her off the health insurance which is something I guess; but let’s face it; there was not a chance in hell that he was moving in with me while still paying the wife’s health insurance!  Not a chance!  Zip.  Nada. 
Of course he would argue that some things are open to interpretation; not to mention that we have a rather wild variation on what constitutes as “done” adding to the angst.  I’m not a “put off today until tomorrow…” kind of girl.  Get things done, shut the door, move on!
I mean to satisfy the ‘organising a divorce’ requirement you actually have to do something about getting it done.  Organising it, does not equate to “mentioned it to her” and then printing the document out.  You actually have to lift those papers off the printer; read them… Fill them out.  Frankly, I see that as the easier thing to do in the list!
So item number 1 on the agenda:  Nil Conformity to Agreement.
Then we had ‘fix the superannuation policies’.  I have managed to reduce his five super policies to 3 – (please note that I said “I”).  All he had to do was take the very neat folder containing all documents that I produced, to an accountant and seek advice on which one he should retain and roll everything over into.  Personally, I thought he should stick with the industry super but he can waste money going to the accountant if he needs it in black and white…
Part of this discussion encompassed the ‘get a will’ and a ‘medical proxy’ also.  After all, if we are living together; a couple perse, then if anything happens to him I hardly want to be sitting in the hall while the wife rushes to his bedside and tells the doctors that he would never have wanted to be on life support!  And it was his one wish to donate all of his organs!  Hell, he hasn’t even looked at those things and you’d imagine he would be wanting to tidy that bit up quick smart…
So item number 2 on the agenda:  Nil Conformity to Agreement.
Then we had what I consider for him – the hardest part.  The Finances. 
Hardest because this will require him manning up and removing the Harridan’s grip from his testicles – something that he finds incredibly difficult.  And trust me, it’s not getting any easier over time.  I'm beginning to wonder if she will ever let them go...
This should have been relatively simple and they had the discussion around “we need to discuss” – but of course this has been constantly delayed – in all probability, delayed because as it stands now, certainly suits her.  And although she certainly hasn't come back with a day or time, he sure as hell hasn't prepared for it either.
I figure if you are going into a negotiation, you need to sit down and work out what you have to give; what you are prepared to give; and what you can give up in order to come out with your requirements met.  

You also need to establish what is to be covered in the discussions and make sure you stick to covering off those issues - and only those.  For example, send an agenda; or at least an email to say ‘we are discussing maintenance arrangements for Kid 3.  We are not discussing health insurance or any other kind of payment for Kid 1 or Kid 2 – they are both adults and working.  Discussion on them is off the table.”  That would deflate her some I suspect.  Then there is the reality that "maintenance covers everything.  I pay.  You organise."  For example, I don't pay 2.5k school fees and then slink off to pay for all the uniforms - and then pay maintenance on top.  That's not how it works!
In an attempt to work out what he would be up for, I did some quick calculations on what maintenance should be using what I consider to be very generous figures; I also worked it out on a calculator via the Child Support Agency who from what I can tell, is obviously governed by man hating lesbians, so I figure it is erring on the side of caution most certainly!
It was then up to him to sit and work out what he had paid for the last year, make a comparison and then give the facts – in black and white.  This is what I am supposed to pay.  This is what I have been paying.  This is what I’m prepared to pay in the future.
More than anything else, he has to get a standard figure.  She is robbing him blind by sending a million different things his way to pay – and he moodles off to pay!  Part of working out a figure for the last year was introducing some shock factor; because I’m tipping he has no idea.
So item number 3 on the agenda:  Nil Conformity to Agreement.
If he intends to accomplish all that he said he would by the end of February; I suspect he will need to get cracking.
He will need to be a busy little bee.

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!