Sunday, November 28, 2010

Luck of the Draw

This weekend we decided to put into practise some of the strategies that the psychologist suggested.  Of course that works so much better in theory, than reality.  In the somewhat cold confines of the nut doctor’s office, it all sounds so easy; but once the phone starts ringing, I can feel both of our stress levels start to mount.  Mine, because I’m hoping he won’t cave; his – I’m not sure why but assume it is because change is always difficult.
In my mind, there is a direct correlation between the escalation of our relationship and the escalation of the strategically timed inconsequential phone calls – usually around dinner time and quite lengthy.  So the strategy began.  Don’t answer the phone to her.  If it is important, she’ll leave a message and he will call back.  Of course there was no message to Friday night’s call; or Saturday night.  Sunday, 1 call, no message, 2 calls answered; the usual - orders.
As far as I was concerned, last weekend had been a pretty loud statement.  Bringing me to the happy birthday lunch was a neon sign that said “she is here to stay folks”.
I struggle at times because it isn’t as if this is new.  Our relationship has continued along for over a year, yet the issues, feelings – odd moments of real or perceived surliness - I suspect are just beginning.  And the squeeze; God bless him, just wants peace. 
For some, it is about acceptance.  Struggling to accept that life is not and cannot remain the same forever.  For others, it is about a loss of power and seeing that rope that binds, being detached.
To each their own but I suspect how the squeeze and wife chose to handle separation hasn’t helped what is transpiring now.  The marriage ended many years ago, yet the façade of ‘family’ maintained.   Many would disagree with my words, however either you are a family, loving and living together – or you are not.
That doesn’t mean you have to hate one another, or push your foot a little harder on the accelerator when you see them crossing the road, but if there is to be the possibility for either to ever find happiness with another, there needs to be boundaries.
And to give him his due, the squeeze has a much harder role in this than I do.  Because at the moment, there are no boundaries, and as the nut doctor pointed out; in his quest for ‘peace and harmony’, he gave away all the power – with both hands – and taking it back will not be easy.
Today we had a school concert which was actually pretty good.  Prior to going, we discussed and decided that to call and warn that I was coming would almost make it seem like we needed permission; or that Mrs Squeeze's feelings in this were more important than ours – and so off we went to the ‘land of the hippy’ and sat by ourselves and watched the show unfold; interrupted by bouts of undisciplined hippy children that ran unchastised up and down the aisles grunting and squealing.  If one ventured close enough, I would scowl and they would scurry off to the friendly feel of velvet.
I am fine with going to these things.  I want to be a part of it.  People should see us together, instead of the ‘family façade’.  But hell, let’s just go there, get it done and get out.  I don’t want us to all sit together and break into a rendition of Kumbaya at the end, that’s for sure.
So we escaped immediately after and zoomed home.  2 calls – no messages on the way.  Then later that night, 1 call no message.  Then 1 call answered – a cold bucket of guilt dumped on his head.
The highlight of the day, for me at least, was the drawing of the raffle where the squeeze won first prize – a lovely hand blown vase.  My first thought was “hell, I’m glad I came or she would have brow beaten that out of him and he’d have handed it over, of that I have no doubt {nor did he deny it when I said this.}
So we were sitting down the back, giggling like school kids because I couldn’t help but mutter after his name was called “oh she’ll be up there wishing you were dead now…”
So now we’ve done the happy family birthday.  Yesterday we caught up with very old friends of his.  Today – hippy land for a school concert.  And we are now almost completely integrated into one another lives.
As for the vase, tomorrow it will come home with me; like everything in life - it’s all the luck of the draw.  

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!