How Bad Can It Be..?

As the morning wore on, I felt as though it would be preferable to have a major heart attack, or maybe my brain suddenly wig out and me end up in hospital – anything other than have to arrive at ‘the happy family birthday lunch’.   But in the end, I can’t control everything; and families are funny things.  Not everyone deals with life in the same way.

In short, if I want to be a part of the squeeze’s life; then I need to be a part of his life.  Warts and all.  And I was prepared to try; because it was important to him.

Prior to entering I muttered “whatever happens, make sure you sit next to me – and don’t sit me next to the wife!”  And of course, as all best laid plans… By the time she arrives, the only seat left - is next to me.

It was almost a comedy routine watching as the birthday boy realise he has left her no alternative but to sit to my left; colour suffused his face and he stammers “do you want to swap seats?”  At that moment, I know we are on the same page.  The answer is “you bet your fricking arse I want to swap seats, but I’d rather swallow a glass of spider legs than look that weak!”  So sit next to each other we do; matching grating smiles.

It is funny really, because I was bought up in a rather strict environment and taught by my mother that manners matter.  But more than the manners, is the fact that this is my guy; his life – and I can feel that the tension inside me; is twofold in him.  Strange as it may seem; he actually loves me and he needs this to go well.

In reality, it was a few moments of everyone being on tender hooks followed by open, humorous conversation.

And I treated her the same as anyone else I was having dinner with for the first time.  I discussed writing and kids and life – and uncomfortable silences when they came, were kept to a minimum.

All in all, I actually had a good time.  How can you not at a table with good food, a person you love and kids that are intelligent and funny? 

At the conclusion, if I didn’t feel as though I was part of the family; I at least felt as though I belonged.