Sunday, June 24, 2012

The Whining Clock

My once perfectly immaculate home has become untidy.

Things are getting away from me.  Let’s face it, even though I have attempted to put some subliminal training patterns in place with the Squeeze and his “use this… drop this… walk away…” penchant, he continues to revert to the slovenly man that is crouched inside him, just below the surface – ready and eager to jump out at will.   Guess I was never going to undo her years of piggery training quickly or easily.

When Slovenly Squeeze escapes, it is like some giant cogged clock, starts the “whining mechanism” within me, off and running…  I seriously need to Break Free!

For example, this morning, we are getting ready for work.  This is a somewhat practised routine by now; perfectly synchronised so that I’m making coffee while he showers, he is getting breakfast while I am.  What can I say?  I am a project manager; my life works better with military precision and spread sheets.  So, it sounds easy right..?  Ha! Nothing is ever easy when you have a neat freak and someone suffering from slovenly chaotic syndrome shoved inside one smallish 2BR apartment.

I can hear the shower while I get coffee and not too long afterwards, he is prowling the kitchen in a towel.  This signals “my time” in the bathroom so I slink off only to halt at the doorway and survey the obstacle course before me!

The Squeeze isn’t an overly hairy man so can get by with shaving only every other day.  Truth tell, I quite like it by about day three when he is moving into “devil may care” look; but he isn’t keen on that.  Today was shave day…

Bottom drawer houses Squeeze paraphernalia such as hair wax, shaving gel and razor.  This is left open, awaiting my shin.  The shaving gel (lid separate in a pool of gel) and razor take up all the bench room and what is left is covered in foamy water!  Overturned slippers in front of the mirror; dressing gown and t-shirt suffocate the mound of towels and the soggy bath mat lying in a pool of water.

Then I have to weigh it all up.  If I remind him that it is so much easier to just put things back where you got them, then it will sound like I’m whining.  And of course I’m whining!  How could I not when I’ve had to say the same thing twice a week for the past year!!!  I’ve said it so many times that his slippers could understand it by now!

So I’m basically doing Groundhog’s Day!  I say the same thing over and over again!  Although he likes to tell me that I am a goldfish in the memory department, who the hell is swimming through the bowl now???

Swim. Swim. Look a Castle.
Swim. Swim. Look a Castle!
Swim. Swim. Wow! Is that a Castle?


  1. oh boy are you playing my song. Put the butter away, put the butter in the fridge. Can you put the butter in the fridge. Can you put everything away after you get a snack. The cat licks the bytter when you leave it out. etc sigh Sometimes out of sheer rage, I hide the butter for a couple of days- try that. Hide his crap and blink in puzzlement when he has a breakdown because he can't find it. No o=honey I didn't see it. Didn't you put it back like I told you to do? Oh no? h what a shame... wander of sipping coffee

  2. I'll have to give that a try... Usually, I take great pleasure in telling him exactly where it is and then asking "see the benefit of putting things away..?" But that sure as hell isn't working!

  3. Runners left lying around for too long were sprayed greeen, filled with potting mix and ferns planted in them. Then strategically left where I had found them. Nice looking 'Nike's' in the end! Husband wasn't too pleased with the outcome, guess that is one of the reasons he is an 'ex'! You will know who I am talking about!


Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!