Things are getting away from me. Let’s face it, even
though I have attempted to put some subliminal training patterns in place with
the Squeeze and his “use this… drop this… walk away…” penchant, he continues to
revert to the slovenly man that is crouched inside him, just below the surface
– ready and eager to jump out at will. Guess I was never going to
undo her years of piggery training quickly or easily.
When Slovenly Squeeze escapes, it is like some giant cogged
clock, starts the “whining mechanism” within me, off and running… I seriously need to Break Free!
For example, this morning, we are getting ready for
work. This is a somewhat practised routine by now; perfectly synchronised
so that I’m making coffee while he showers, he is getting breakfast while I
am. What can I say? I am a project manager; my life works better
with military precision and spread sheets. So, it sounds easy
right..? Ha! Nothing is ever easy when you have a neat freak and someone
suffering from slovenly chaotic syndrome shoved inside one smallish 2BR
apartment.
I can hear the shower while I get coffee and not too long
afterwards, he is prowling the kitchen in a towel. This signals “my time”
in the bathroom so I slink off only to halt at the doorway and survey the
obstacle course before me!
The Squeeze isn’t an overly hairy man so can get by with
shaving only every other day. Truth tell, I quite like it by about day
three when he is moving into “devil may care” look; but he isn’t keen on
that. Today was shave day…
Bottom drawer houses Squeeze paraphernalia such as hair wax,
shaving gel and razor. This is left open, awaiting my shin. The
shaving gel (lid separate in a pool of gel) and razor take up all the bench
room and what is left is covered in foamy water! Overturned slippers in
front of the mirror; dressing gown and t-shirt suffocate the mound of towels
and the soggy bath mat lying in a pool of water.
Then I have to weigh it all up. If I remind him that
it is so much easier to just put things back where you got them, then it will
sound like I’m whining. And of course I’m whining! How could I not
when I’ve had to say the same thing twice a week for the past year!!!
I’ve said it so many times that his slippers could understand it by now!
So I’m basically doing Groundhog’s Day! I say the same
thing over and over again! Although he likes to tell me that I am a
goldfish in the memory department, who the hell is swimming through the bowl
now???
Swim. Swim. Look a Castle.
Swim. Swim. Look a Castle!
Swim. Swim. Wow! Is that a Castle?
oh boy are you playing my song. Put the butter away, put the butter in the fridge. Can you put the butter in the fridge. Can you put everything away after you get a snack. The cat licks the bytter when you leave it out. etc sigh Sometimes out of sheer rage, I hide the butter for a couple of days- try that. Hide his crap and blink in puzzlement when he has a breakdown because he can't find it. No o=honey I didn't see it. Didn't you put it back like I told you to do? Oh no? h what a shame... wander of sipping coffee
ReplyDeleteisobelle
I'll have to give that a try... Usually, I take great pleasure in telling him exactly where it is and then asking "see the benefit of putting things away..?" But that sure as hell isn't working!
ReplyDeleteRunners left lying around for too long were sprayed greeen, filled with potting mix and ferns planted in them. Then strategically left where I had found them. Nice looking 'Nike's' in the end! Husband wasn't too pleased with the outcome, guess that is one of the reasons he is an 'ex'! You will know who I am talking about!
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