Stress. Thy name is “Children”

This week I’ve had to stress over my oldest son who is in hospital two states away, undergoing tests and still uncertain as to the problem.  Admittedly, I’m a tad panicky that I’m not there.  I’ve had a lot of experience in ‘health’.  I take no prisoners, won’t be fobbed off and ask a million questions.  Lucky, his gal is smart and riding roughshod over them.

Then I have my daughter who I have stressed over for the last year or so. 

The stress hasn’t been in regard to her per se; she has her head screwed on right (finally) in regards to most things.  Has her career path, an apartment, most things settled.  There is only one area of her life that makes me shudder – the Muppet.

Strangely, this beautiful, smart girl has allowed herself to falter in her choice of desired partner; who I might add, is known throughout the family as “the Muppet”.  Before I begin, I should clarify that I’ve never been a blind mother, nor blinded by motherly love.  I never thought my kids were better than anyone else; never assumed when they got into trouble that it was someone else’s fault or that they were misled.  How could I?  How can you breed smart, strong humans and then blame someone for misleading them?  I have taken responsibility for their failings and read them the riot act when those failings had them heading mock II with their hair on fire – for disaster or heartache.  But we can’t control it all.

Having said that, I feel I can say without bias that the Muppet is hitting above his pay grade.  The girl is smarter than he is, better looking than he is, taller than he is, more mature than he (although he is five years older), a Geelong fan to his Collingwood fanaticism and has a career path.

The problem is that I suspect he knows this.  His boy/man brainless way of combating it is to systematically eradicate her self esteem.  It’s an old trick really; strip their self esteem, remove their family and friends who stop coming around because they can’t stand to see someone they love being treated like hell; and then they are trapped in this abusive relationship.  Now he can really go to town; show the real ‘muppet’, and she won’t leave because she ‘knows’ that she is a worthless piece of crap who would be nothing without him.  How does she know it?  He told her of course; told her in a million ways over the course of a year.

Of course the fool hadn’t counted on me.  Sorry Muppet; I don’t go quietly into the night.  There is no getting rid of ME.  And if the girl is smarter than he, then I could wipe the floor with him.  Mostly, I smile and be polite, all the while picturing myself using my new found right hook on his arrogant face! 

When all is said and done, adult children must make their own mistakes and decisions and all I can do is remind her that I love her and that she is better than the life she has chosen.  Well that and do things like have a plasma and surround sound at the ready for when she finally wakes up and kicks his muppet arse to the kerb; since that is the only thing he has bought to the party.

Last night, the stress over the girl and boy both just flew out the window for several blissful hours.

It came about ten thirty when the little bell on the Squeeze’s phone signalled the arrival of a text message.  The shocked “what the…???!!!” And a slightly elevated, bordering on hysterical voice as he bound out of bed made me prick my ears up.  Why did he leap out of bed?  Because as a parent, you can’t read such messages and take them with inaction such as lying down; it doesn’t matter that you are totally powerless to act, you can at least ‘react’.

What was the message?  It was a text from 23 year old Boy 2 telling his father that he had proposed to his girlfriend.  He went on to say that she hadn’t said yes as yet.  For her to say yes, he would have to convert to Islam and become a Muslim.  She is Somalian, Muslim and her family would not allow her to marry a non Muslim.

I shouldn’t laugh, but Hell; I can’t wait to hear the Harridan reaction to that…