Saturday, February 18, 2012

A Muppet Movie

The land of blog has been silent.
I haven’t exactly been on strike.  I didn’t take to my bed with a case of the vapours and decide that I couldn’t write anymore.  Nor did I have to suddenly whip out that ball gown and passport I have been saving in case I’m whisked off to Monaco with a tall, dark and handsome stranger...
No such luck. 
It’s not even that I didn’t want to blog; I did.   I even received an email a couple of days ago to say “hey… where is the blog..?”  But even that couldn’t rouse me.  I didn't blog for Valentine’s Day!  And you would think I would have; given that the Squeeze and I bought each other the exact same card (creepy really, sometimes it feels like I’m dating myself…)
Instead, I spent a week with so much stress pushing down on me that it was suffocating; and it was relentless.  As laughable as it sounds for someone like me, I have literally been at a loss for words.  Then I moved into this weird kind of internalising that suddenly made me sit up and understand that I’m totally powerless in some things.  Powerless!
The girl finally finished things with the Muppet; and finished it in style.  It cost.  In fact, it cost her a laptop, an iPhone, all her perfume and her Prada sunglasses – not to mention scratches and bruises… 
But I am powerless; and I am restricted.  I seriously wanted to grab my Louisville slugger and knock that bastard to hell and back.  Sheesh; touch my daughter and I want you dead; I want your family dead… I want your dog dead… I want your house burnt to the ground!!!  (In true Godfather fashion).  And to be honest, I wouldn't have minded tango-ing with the mother.  I think I could have taken her...  Come to think of it, the Muppet did call me an alcoholic 'mutt' - which the Squeeze found amusing, given that I was more offended by the mutt, as opposed to the alcoholic...

But every so often life tosses you an aide-mémoire and if you’re smart, then it plays on your mind and you realise that the things that have always been important, remain the same.  
When the Squeeze dumped me for a night and came back the next day, he said it was because of Wendi Deng. (yes, that sounds weird... It couldn't be just because he loved me...)  But Wendi had leapt across people to attack the guy who was about to throw a pie at Rupert Murdoch and the Squeeze knew that this is what I would do for him, or my children, or his children.
I come from a long line of “going to grab me a shovel and a bag of lime” types.  In fact, we often call ourselves Da Family.
But I can finally breathe a sigh.  The Muppet is gone.  And the girl is still standing, better than she ever did…
Here is your background music...  You need to get past the guys in red leg ins and listen to the lyrics… But this song is the perfect fit!   

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!