Negotiation - the Game of Life

Tomorrow, the squeeze heads off to watch kid 3 at cricket.  This is where he has chosen to have ‘the discussion’ with the Harridan.  I suggested he have a warning procedure in place prior to arriving.  Just a brief email to say: “we need to discuss some stuff tomorrow.”  People tend to act in extremes when put on the spot.

But no, he doesn’t see a need for that.  He actually thinks he is going to waltz in there like Kevin Spacey in The Negotiator and prance out with more money in his pocket, a divorce on the way and the harridan will henceforth be a reasonable if not pleasant person.  Moron.

Let’s face it, the art of negotiation lies in the skills we bring to the table.  There are plenty of rules to guide you.  For example, you need to be clear in your head about what it is that you want prior to meeting.  But there are several rules that are an absolute necessity to enable you to win the day.

1.   Effective Communication

Ok, we all know that the Squeeze’s idea of communication is the odd grunt; or if you’re really lucky, you can actually extract a couple of words here and there in answer to some question.  I mean it’s like pulling teeth.

In the art of communication, she will murder him.

2.     Don’t be Emotional

There is also a requirement for the ability to stay cool, don’t let emotions rule your head.  Ha!  He is about as emotional as a freaking puddle (on a romantic day) and she will be on the spot; we are not talking emotional…  I’m suggesting utterly ballistic.

In the ability to stay cool – he’ll  annihilate her.

3.     Know your Opponent

You cannot have a strategy if you don't understand your opponent and this idiot doesn’t have a clue.  Hell, he may have married the Harridan, but he actually has no clue as to who she is.  She manipulates him with utter ease, so well that he doesn’t even realise it has happened.

For example, she takes over his tent and keeps it for the duration.  Instead of bringing it back somewhat sheepishly, she sends him a message to say “I couldn’t bring it – you have to go down the coast to pick it up”; then leaves it a day and then sends “don’t worry about it, its sorted.”  Strategy; go in high; let him stress before fixing it.  Upside, he gets the tent back and is so relieved not to have to do the 6 hour journey, he forgets to berate the cow for taking it over in the first place!

In the art of understanding your opponent, she will massacre him.

But for all that, there is the one little thing that he has that she doesn’t; he pays for everything; rolls over constantly; allows her to rule the kid world – and all without slapping her (how, I’ll never understand…) and I suspect that even he understand how one sided it is; how he is allowing her to acquire an asset – while draining his ability to even think of getting one.

Should be interesting… But it sure as hell won’t be over with tomorrow.

Pfft.  Kevin Spacey – my ass!