Friday, December 31, 2010

Bugs vs Great Outdoors

I’m almost sure that those who know me well and are somewhat surprised that I seem prepared to venture off into ‘camping’ territory.  Not only do they seem to be amused by this, but I have received many embellished tales of mozzies the size of cats and march flies the size of dogs.  At least I hope this is embellishment.
More so than the lack of a pool with an island bar, worse than the thought of no air conditioned room to retreat to at the end of the day, is the thought that I will be fighting off prehistoric insects that could practically carry me away (at least they could have prior to me gaining six kilos).
As luck would have it, (my sort of luck) I believe that the mosquito sees me as chocolate mousse.  I’ve already packed a large bag of bug treatments including ‘old wives tale’ concoctions of olive oil, tea tree oil and detol plus some hillbilly vanilla mozzie treatment I bought eons ago at some velvet wearing market.  These are combined with various store bought products of areoguard, raid and bug off.
I can already see that there will be little point in packing the Chanel – which was pointless in any case as the squeeze happened to inform me at one point that when camping; they compete for ‘who can go the longest without showering’.  I merely pointed out that he will also be competing for ‘who can go the longest without sex’ with that attitude.
So while I toss and turn and try not to get carried away with the thought of insects and create spreadsheets about what we need to pack and plan for; the squeeze comments rather smugly that mosquitos avoid him due to the fact that his dicky heart means he is on heart medication.
WTF?  Ok, I understand that mosquitos would appear to be fussy bastards these days and would rather leap on the healthy and consume them (I’m picturing it more like a school of piranha devouring a cow); but smug; because you once had a heart attack?
Think I’d rather put up with the mozzies!

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!