Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Suddenly Curious and Questioning

I only just realised today that I am curious; wondering why I stayed so long in a house with a manipulative kid and a delusional partner who was incapable of admitting the truth of that kid.

I’m not saying I don’t get it.  I do.  It’s bloody hard to admit your child has serious personality issues.  It’s so much easier to just deny it and hope it rectifies itself. Of course the reality is that it can’t rectify itself.  That kid isn’t going to wake up tomorrow and have a string of friends knocking on his door to see if he wants to go hang.  Let's face it; he is not a likable child and his lack of hygiene will have serious impacts on any dating prospects.

But it wasn’t just about the kid. The ex-Squeeze was the least romantic person on the face of the planet.  An emotional cripple if you will.  This was never more obvious than when he failed to even send me a text message on the day I buried my father.  Were our roles reversed, I would have crawled across broken glass to be at his side and offer support.

Hell; I’m not even saying I don’t get that.  That was too hard and he isn’t capable of putting himself in difficult positions.  Let alone a position that is full of emotion; would require him to feel.

Why I’m suddenly curious and questioning is that as I have spent weeks/months holding a hand to my brow in a near swoon at the injustice of the world…  He doesn’t love me; he didn’t want a life with me.  Woe is me.  What am I going to do now..?

I have beaten my head against a wall for years…  And for what I ask?  Because I’m starting to realise that maybe I wasn’t in love with him either.  If I was, how can I be fine?  And not just fine; but absolutely fine?  Maybe it was the friendship that I loved - and if I'm not angry or even that hurt; why couldn't I have the friendship back?  Well after are period of time that is!

What I am going to do now is pick myself up, dust myself off, finish my house and then find myself an emotionally free guy to date!

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!