Dissatisfied.....

Today I got up, had breakfast and then went walking.

I'm not sure why; but I'm feeling extremely dissatisfied with life. My sister in law gave me a Vogue. I've brought it down the street and had a coffee on my own. It only made me feel worse. All those beautiful things and places; that I will never get to again. It makes me feel like a cat on a hot tin roof. I want to go; but I don't know where. I want something; but I don't know what. 

Sun... Sun... more sun!!

Well I'm still in central Queensland and the weather really is brilliant.  It's bloody hot; but not in that 'hot north wind is damned hot' way back home in Victoria. It was 37 there the other day; hotter than here. The next day, it was 10. Beautiful one day, crappy the next.

We've had breakfast, I'm dressed... now for going in to town!!

Beautiful one day...

Perfect the next is right. That describes life here in Queensland well enough. Well the weather at least. But it doesn't matter where you are if you are stuck with the wrong guy. I'm watching my sister walk on egg shells all the time and wondering if I want that...

I guess it doesn't mean I have to have the same... but...

Can't believe how much I slept!!!

Last night I slept like a log. It's quite busy around the house. We are nearly in town and there's 7000 people here; not 700.

They must say 700 to get the point across! There was basically nothing open yesterday being Sunday; I was still running with that lets go into town. We did. It was dead.

I'm not sure what where doing today. I'll get up in a minute and shower; then pop my head up and find out!  My sisters at work today. She's a teacher and amazingly this is the education hub of central Queensland. There is about ten schools here and they all offer boarding in for the kids that come from sheep stations.

Lots of kids. Not much else. lol

Beautiful. The countryside is gorgeous.

I don't think I've been up this far north before. It's as if I was in a dream. Such a glorious place.  Like Hawaii, it's humid with palm and banana trees everywhere.  The houses are so beautiful; all up high on stilts with gorgeous wrap around verandas.  And they are cheap!

Today we went sight seeing to a little town called Mingella... there is not a garden in site!!!  It was the 'outback', complete with a weird pub we stopped for lunch at. They had 2 things on the menu. Steak sandwiches and burgers with chips.  After going to the loo, a corrugated shed up the back of the property; I thought I may skip the lunch; but it was great.

Now we are back at my sisters. I'm in bed listening to the lizards outside. I'm exhausted which is weird. According to my Fitbit I've only done approximately 5000 steps. I usually manage 12000 by this time!!

It's beautiful up here....

I'm lying in bed. The sounds!
Exotic birds are calling.
That's it!  Ahhh I think this will be  good for me. 

Up up and away!

Well I'm off to Townsville!

So you don't miss me when I'm gone, I'll blog!!!

Getting Ready....

I thought I'd pause in the middle of getting ready for the Roaring Twenties ball to blog a little...

If your wondering why I'm getting ready so early; my brother is picking me up at 5.30.   At least I think he is (note: better check what time I'm getting picked up!)  So I've had a shower and done my hair.  When I finish blogging, I'll put my makeup on, step into a dress (I've 3 of them to choose from) and throw the boa around my neck and then shoes!  All in all, it should look okay!

But I've gone off track...

Life is funny.  First your miserable; then happy; then miserable...  And so it goes.  I guess I'm somewhere in the middle today.  Tomorrow I'm flying off to Townsville and then going to Charters Towers.   If you don't know where that is, don't feel bad.  Neither did I.  It's about an hour inroad from Townsville.

Still we are making the trek up to see my sister, who turns 60.  Boy.  Old...

Mum and I are going tomorrow.  I figured we may as well take a week!  It's 40+ up there.   I'm going to lie in the sun a bit.   There's only 700 or so people, so I doubt there is much else to do!

Oh, I found this song from Noah Gundersen and The Forest Rangers.  It's called Day Is Gone (Sons of Anarchy).  No particular reason... I just like it.

I'm off to central Queensland on Saturday...

I've started packing, not much.  My sister, who we are going to visit, said it was 41C there the other day...   God.  I hope the heat doesn't kill me!  I think we'll relax; and that's about it.

Hell, there isn't a lot to do in Charters Towers, population is about 700.   But my sister is turning the big 60.   I don't think I ever thought about having a sibling turn 60.  A sixty year old sibling!

She is of course, much, much older than me!!

Much older....

Love this...

Versus this....

Feeling like crap...

I don't know why I'm feeling like I want to cry all the time.   I try not drinking of a night - I feel like crap.  I've tried drinking; I feel like crap (but a little better).  I just don't get it...

I've got a house.  A fabulous house which is big enough for me and Sharpie!  There's a spare room for when someone wants to stay and a study.  There is a great kitchen, dining and lounge.  Garden - neat.  The back is a little haphazard because of Sharpie and all my daughters things are in the garage - but they'll soon be gone.

I've got a good car.  A job.  3 years left on my wage insurance anyhow but....

I don't feel right.  I walk around the cemetery every morning and I think what is the point?  All these people probably planned; what for?

I wish something would happen.  A good thing for a change!!!  :(

I like this song...

Sigh... A day. A boring normal day.

The lawyer said she can't sue; so I found another one.  Trouble is, the first one is holding all the files and won't release them; unless I pay.

So much for no win, no fee!

Well... Hmmm... I've been thinking....

I've been thinking.   (Don't be sarcastic....)  I want a great life!

Love.  A house.  I want the happy ever after; and all it entails.   And I'm not going to settle.   I'm going to wait for it.   Okay, if it doesn't come, I'll live.  I'll get over it.  But that is what I want.

So...  That's one decision down!
I've got the house and dog; Hell, that's something.   :)  

The Walking Dead....

Can't post.  Got to watch The Walking Dead!

Well today ought to be interesting...

Well today is 'date day'.  I'm going to meet a guy for lunch...
You wouldn't believe how few and far between the nice guys are.
But so far, so good.

We've been talking for a while via email.  I like it that he wants to take his time.  So many are in a rush that it scares me off.  I like a slow burn.

Then I'm going to come home and cook...

I found this song which I like.  A blast from the past...

The weekend... Is a right off...

I've been in Youtube land from when I decided that I loved music, just as much as ever...

I'm like a musically minded Alice; down the rabbit hole.  Youtube...  It moves from one damned thing to the next and I can't get enough.  I'm watching the top singing auditions from those freaky shows.  I don't watch them in the real world, but I used to spend a day catching up watching the great ones every so often.

I'm back.  I'm getting back.  My memory is even not too bad; if I do all my work arounds.  I still have hellish days where I cant get a sentence out and I don't like to have to actually speak to people I'm not comfortable with, as it is much worse.  But it is getting better!

In the words of my sister...

And the world wept.

Trump.

Wow. Things are turning around...

I've had this song going through my head for days.

I loved music.   I think it died a little with my brain; but I notice my sheer love of it, is coming back.

Lately, I've been getting records out and playing them.  I have this groovy little turntable that I got one night after seeing it on Suits and enough records to sink a battle ship! Anyway; I've had music going in my head.  I guess when it first happened, I couldn't multi task.  The music had to be off...

I'd rather listen to music than do just about anything else...

My life in spades... Or clubs...

My life continues to be, or become, more of the same.   I started work because I was bored witless.  There were only so many cafe's my dog, Sharpie, and I could frequent. Not that it wasn't great; it was.  But it was the same every single day.

Work has been good.  I'm now one of the team and I like it.  I like getting up and having to dress; going out the door and sitting in town for that one cup of coffee before heading over the road to be at work.

But...  it is just the same.

I feel like I'm an alien in this world.  I wonder if anyone else having experienced a brain injury feels like this; but then I realise, I always felt this way.

More work... Umm ???

Today one of the girls that was on the panel when they hired me, told me she's leaving.

I guess I won't be the newest person in the building which is a.o.k with me!  Of course, she asked me if I wanted more hours; over the next few weeks certainly.   Sigh... I said yes.

Why would I say yes?  Well when they give me work that isn't boring, I could do it all day!   Well I figure I could.  So I guess it's time to work out if I'm restricted to 3 hours a day or not.  I've been tired, but it's a great tired.  It's a good feeling contributing.

Now I'm going to start going to some of the gigs that they run; after hours.   That will be the telling point!

Candle party... WTF???

Part of being back in Geelong is that my Mum, sister and brother are here.  In fact, E and July work about 2 minutes from where I work, which is kind of cool!

My brother calls in on his way home sometimes for a bevvy or glass of red which is great.  We spent so long miles and miles apart (July lived in the UK for years), it is nice to think they are not so far away if I need them; and vice versa.

My mother conned me into going to a candle party today..?   WTF!  I don't even like candles!  Well; I do but not to decorate the house with!  Sheesh!  So that is my exciting day.  I've got to go pick her up in St Leonards and drive to Torquay; go to a candle party with a bunch of really old bats before doing in the reverse to go home!

Lucky I don't have anything better to do!   I love Geelong!  :)

Just settling into a life...

Amazing.  2 years ago, well nearly, I didn't know my name...

I was talking to the doctors but not understanding why they were looking at me as though I was a martian!  Well, I was speaking swaheli or some such shit...  "The blue fish in the forest!!!"  translation:  "what is wrong with my brain..?"

But now; I am settling into this life.  It has taken almost 2 years, but I feel okay.

I have a life in Geelong, Victoria, Australia.  I moved from Melbourne.  Bought a house that is a great place to see out my time in.  I bought a dog (what for?  I didn't like dogs!) Well I do now!  And I got a job.  Not just any job either; the first one I went for at the Geelong Chamber of Commerce.

Okay I'm only working on the front desk and then only three hours a day; but I can stretch my wings because I have proof that my brain, my file cabinet in my head....  Has only fallen over!  It hasn't lost anything!

It is a relief...