Saturday, May 24, 2014
I’ve done it tough this week. I had my first birthday without my Dad. In reality, I probably wouldn’t have seen him on my birthday anyway; but I’d have heard his voice. He would have wished me a happy birthday… Told me he loved me. I am surprised at how difficult this has been; for me and my fellow 12129ers - we have become a protective circle. But there has been family angst; I guess because people handle grief differently.
So the day started out with tears; less than ideal really.
Usually, on my birthday, I take the day off work. Not this year. Instead, I went to work, put my head down and worked through; ignoring my swirling head. I got phone calls and texts and good wishes. I had plans to go out to dinner with the girl; and the kids put in and purchased me life drawing lessons with an artist in the next block – who I might add, sounded like my kind of person and I can safely assume we will be friends in no time.
In the afternoon, I received an email from the ex-squeeze and that put a cloud over my world; in fact, it is still weighing heavily on my mind.
As a general rule, he writes short, unpunctuated sentences that barely make sense. Were I not a Gemini and so apt to leap conversations wildly, I don’t think I’d ever work out what he is saying. This email was lengthy. It was punctuated. This was an indication that he had thought about what he wanted to say; tossed over words. Highly unusual for him.
And I felt all of what he said.
I laughed when he knew I would. I wanted to reply with equal banter. I missed him; I missed what we had. What we had before he became a stranger and a lied to me. Before he decided that the Harridan and a manipulative teenager who picked his nose and wiped it on my walls were worth more than what we had. But even as I missed him, I knew that I couldn’t go back to that.
I couldn't be with or be friends with someone who was deceitful; who held hidden conversations with the harridan, that he knew would end our world..
Posted by Mistress at 10:14 PM