Look at me now!

You see; you get into a relationship and everything changes.  I changed.  I gained about 15 kilo (give or take).  I figure it’s some sort of internal brainwashing going on...  Like “you treat me like I’m worthless, so let’s just be worthless…”

Yeah. I don't get it either. You think the opposite would make more sense!  And let's face it; it would.

Still, maybe the toxic part wasn't so one sided… 

Although most of our years together, I treated the ex-Squeeze like as the person I loved, towards the end I was getting downright scathing.  Still, I watched that kid lie and manipulate and why wouldn't he since he could see how great it worked.  The sucker that was my partner, would not even question the truth of anything that came out of its mouth.

Between him and the witch of an ex-wife shooting off emails that said “I don’t care what she wants!!! I only care what my pimply faced toad wants” in regards to that kid living in my home whenever they damn well felt like it, touching my stuff.  And to Hell with me and mine.  My family and friends weren't even figured into the equation.  I meant nothing and had no opinion. 

She didn't want that kid, so why she figured I would is anyone's guess.  And the reality is that she knew I didn't. 

The whole thing was about getting rid of me; and oh God, she knew how to play.  She's got it down straight.  She knows the ex-Squeeze better than anyone on the planet; she does everything but turn the key in his back to wind him up.  

But hey; even knowing that, I couldn't have taken it on... Not even to F up her world.  They created that vile child - I'd frankly, I'd have rather sucked out my own eye with a straw than have to put up with it for another second.

Squeeze at the end....

Squeeze at the start...

One can only exist for so long being totally excluded from all discussion/decisions regarding their life, home and belongings; before exploding and telling everyone to ‘F’ themselves sideways with a pogo stick! 

And oh God... I wanted to do that so many damned times...

This week, I realised I’ve somehow

lost most of my Dad’s coffee

table book I was designing

which is in a word, devastating.

I can do it again, but it is serious work.

Still, that loss caused me to trawl through  images frantically in an attempt to locate it and suddenly, I noticed images of the Squeeze – morphing from 'my guy' to 'circle guy'.

Guess life and the crappy circumstances we find ourselves in affects us all!  Seriously; I don't remember those hairy arms though lol