Friday, May 24, 2013

The facts of life…

It’s not that I don’t love my Blog.  It’s not even that I don’t need my Blog.  I do; now more than ever!  But circumstances change and with that change, comes a readjustment of life.

About now, you’re probably thinking ‘what the Hell is she talking about...?’

Well it is simple really.  We moved into a bigger house and now every moment of my day seems to be consumed with cleaning.  And most of the time, I don’t even get up stairs until the weekend!

Suddenly there are 4 people in the house.  That means I’m washing nonstop; cleaning up, putting stuff away – it’s never ending.  That isn’t even taking into account that all routine has flown out the window.  The kid has music at 7.30 am every morning.  Then every night there is various sport and/or activities. 

Before we moved, the Squeeze and I were in the door by 4.45 pm, now he doesn’t get in the door until 7.30-8 every night.  Meals are on the fly, cleaning has taken on the ‘humming bird approach’ – swoop in to clean a little before moving on to the next disaster.

And the Kid takes after the Squeeze – no matter how many times I say “can you push the chair back in when you finish..?” they sit at the table, scoff down breakfast – then stand up and walk away.  WTF?  How fricking hard is it to push the chair back in?  Why can’t they get it through their fat heads that things should be left as they found it?  It is such a small ask!

After a week or two following the move, the girl decided to remove the “press the button” sign from the upstairs toilet.  I mean he had worked it out that in this house, we don’t want to shuffle to the loo in the morning, only to look down into a sea of someone else’s pee.  It’s disgusting.  Right..?  Wrong.  After two days, the sign went back up.

Yes, pushing the chair back in is minor.  But if I have to run around every day pushing the chairs back in, pressing the loo button… or washing the toothpaste spit from the sink because he has been raised to be selfish and slovenly to can’t actually think about rinsing it off after he spits in to it – instead he chooses to leave it to dry for the day so that the person who does clean it, spends ten times longer doing it.

And through all of the joy that is my new life; the moron parents that are responsible for this socially inept, non-viable teenager - the Harridan and the Squeeze, can’t work out why their little darling is failing school.

Ummm hey.  Idiot.   Are you really that stupid..?  He is failing because:
  1. He gets no time to do homework – because he is going to write music scores for motion pictures!!!!  So who needs real classes?
  2. He is lazy and disinterested so won’t do homework (and why would he need to?  He is going to write music scores for motion pictures!!!!)
  3. TheSqueeze is easily fooled and has no authority (he can say “move it” 23 times and be completely ignored! – to the point where the kid doesn’t even look up from his phone to acknowledge him! [And too damned moodley to just walk over, snatch the fricking phone from his hand and say “kid.  Get ready!  You can have your phone back when we are in the car!” like any normal person would!
Yesterday, we had a twitter of teenage surliness and defiance.  Oh the joy.  I am NOT putting up with that.  No way.  I will not be ignored in my own house.  I don't teenage defiance. 

I’m away this week.  By myself.  Log fires and long beach walks.  Not a kid or mess in sight!  I can’t wait because the Squeeze (as anticipated) has slipped into some weird father/16 yo place - so my life is sans best friend and sans romance – which only serves to make me wonder why the hell I am here.

And I find myself repeatedly asking “when is the lease up…?”  And I already know that when it is, if the kid is staying on, I’m moving out to my own place of clean, neat and stress free.  We can go back to dating.


  1. His lazy arse wouldn't be in my house , either of them! I can't believe the pogo stick hasn't been used already!

  2. I hear you! And that pogo stick is inching closer to my hand!!!!


Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!