Sunday, May 19, 2013

Rules and Lists

I decided that since the Harridan was fond of sending her tirades via bullet point and orders; I would go with the flow and type up a list of rules for the Kid on the days he is at our place.  I tried to weave some serious messages into humour (which is my usual way) so this is what will await him on the desk tonight when he gets home…  he he

Casa Glen Waverley Rules

Liar Liar Pants on Fire Rule:
Everyone has a different idea on raising kids.  Happy for you to lie your head off over in Velvet Land; but we don’t do lying here.  It creates angst, upset and hurts a lot of people – for no reason really, as lies are always discovered.  If instructed by anyone to lie, you should tell them to take a hike.

Blabber Face Rule:
I wouldn’t approve of lying to your mother; nor do I believe anyone should be told “not to tell” about their general day to day life.   It smacks of psycho… Having said that, just being a blabber and offering up info isn’t really called for either.  Our house is our house/business.  Velvet Land is your mother's business.

Stinkypoo Rule:
Kid.  Don’t care if your hair is as fluffy as a newly hatched duck.  You WILL wash your hair at the very least – each Monday night.  Upping the ante on deodorant, clothes washing and teeth brushing may lift your chances with the ladies also.

Snuffout Rule:
Eat or drink anywhere upstairs and you will be moved to the cupboard under the stairs.

Snipping Fingers Rule
My piano = My piano.  It’s not open slather.  It’s mine.  I wouldn’t go and grab your sax.  I don’t want anyone else playing my piano.  I know… I know… that isn’t how your parents are – but everyone on the planet is not like your parents (thank God) and that’s what makes the world go around.  Learn to live with it.  Piano = Mine = Don't Touch. 

The Whinylittlebitch Rule:
Bedtime is at 9.30 pm.  No ifs.  No buts.  No technology.  Whining and causing a ruckus won’t change that fact; it will only annoy the rest of the house (and maybe make bed time earlier to compensate for the whiny phase of the bed time saga).  Whinylittlebitch rule has another layer to it - consideration.  I know you're an only child most of the time while in Velvet Land; but here, there are others in the house.  The television roaring followed by a whiny saga right outside the girls bedroom is called "inconsideration".  

Spare Room Bits and Bobs Rule:
The Room Part:  On Monday night until Friday morning; it’s your room - your doona/pillows and assorted boy crap.   Just try to keep it relatively clean and leave the door open where possible (to air out)    

The Spare Part:  On Friday morning after you depart for school – all the way until Monday evening when you get home from school – it is the spare room.  Your doona & pillows will slink away.  Spares will come out. That isn’t a reflection on you; it is the reality that I have children too; family too.  Friends. Any of whom I would like to have a room to come and stay.   Having days bedded down, allows for better planning – for everyone.  (since I'm the only "planner", I guess it is for me but too bad...)

The reality:  Unlike the email and comments that have passed by lately; this is not about you.  It isn’t that your dad can’t be bothered or doesn’t want.  Doesn’t have time to, or is selfish.  He is none of those things.  It’s about living in a grown up world where life is not just about you, or your father… Or the Harridan [I did call her by her name here, I just changed it to protect the psychotic].  It’s called compromise.   I want time for me and The Squeeze; and me and mine.

- I don't think it's so bad, but he'll probably take it home and show mummy.....

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!