Saturday, March 23, 2013

Press it Idiot! It's simple!!

I have absolutely no problem in admitting that I am a clean freak.  I’m pedantic about some things; but hey, I have a weak stomach.  I can be talked into vomiting and dry reach over the smallest guy comments.  The guys at work think it’s a scream.

Imagine my swirling stomach when I stumble out of bed and shuffle to the toilet, only to lift the lid and discover a yellow pool and the particularly unpleasant aroma of pee first thing in the morning.  My stress levels hit the roof and I seriously want to kick something; or someone.

I just don’t get it.  How hard is it to understand?  And what the Hell does that woman's house look like; and even worse, just how damned gag worthy is the smell?   Does this stupid woman not see the correlation between the fact that she has created a child that is socially inept - who can't use cutlery or push a toilet button and the fact that he has no friends?  I mean does she really just not get it??

Why do I have to have this argument time and time again?  Hell, I had it last weekend.  There is no drought.  There is no shortage of water.  Press the bloody toilet button!  I suck up a lot of weird with the Squeeze and the Kid.  For example, this morning the Squeeze instructed the kid to have a shower while I cooked breakfast.  When the bathroom door opened and he came to the table, he was wearing yesterday's smelly school uniform.  The fact that he would leap into stinking clothes is weird enough.  The reality that he would throw on a school uniform - on a Saturday - just moves into weirdo land.  Still, he can wear a school uniform all weekend for all I care (as long as it's clean) but press the bloody toilet button!

Sheesh, aside from increased susceptibility to infection produced by mould spores feeding on stagnant human waste, some diseases are directly caused by human sewage. Exposure to human sewage can lead to diseases such as gastroenteritis, hepatitis, occupational asthma and even Weil's disease, which is characterized by jaundice, cramps and severe headaches – FYI I got that from a website; personally, I just don’t want to smell it or look at someone else’s pee!

So this morning, I created a sign and shoved it on the toilet next to the button – and I’ll be putting it up every second weekend!  

One question…  Why the Frick am I toilet training a 15.5 year old boy?

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!