Saturday, March 23, 2013

Old dog. New trick.

Over the years, I’ve had several (million) conversations with the Squeeze regarding his inability to shut down the previous relationship and limit the Harridan to required contact only.  I don’t believe I’m being unreasonable.  Yes, he has children and of course there must be some level of contact but it is the sheer volume of calls, texts and emails and even more specifically, the tone of them that I object to.

Mostly, they come in the form of demands, money requests or insults.  I’m seriously no good at faking things where she is concerned.  At the piano gig last week I didn’t even look at her or her hippy sister, let alone even acknowledge their existence.   Why should I?  If we ask to change a date, she will invariably say no with some snide comment.   Therefore, I assume it should be obvious that if she puts in a request, I’m going to say no before the Squeeze has even finished the sentence.

There have been times, including yesterday, when I have talked to the Squeeze about it using even, controlled tones – patiently explaining how the constant contact affects me and therefore our relationship (admittedly, mostly I’m shouting about it); but in the face of my calm, he will sometimes nod his head and say ‘okay; I’ll fix it.’ And for the briefest of moments, I think he actually gets it. 

Now days, I roll my eyes and walk away because we both know that he won’t fix it.  He doesn’t get it; doesn’t see the need to fix it.  Last night he tried to argue with me that it wasn’t 67 contacts – of course I see a six email to and fro as exactly that; six emails.  He counts that as one.  Either way, there remains a barrage of unnecessary contact… right?  Wrong according to the Squeeze – all that contact was actually required!  It was about sport and music and forwarding on stuff – each and every bit was vital to keep the planet spinning, right?  Even her whining about having to pay a tax bill - plant... spinning.

Yeah.  Right.   Even my calmly stated “so that you say to me before we arrive at the funeral, not to be surprised if she is there…” you think that is right?  That this is how our relationship is supposed to work; with her turning up uninvited to “our” family events?  He said ‘well she did know him...’  I mean I want clarification, but even more so, I want him to say it out loud and hear how utterly ridiculous it sounds.  I hear the absurdity; he does not.

Neither of them have any concept of what the term “divorced” actually means and she will never relinquish control.

Okay; so I’m a slow learner.  But finally, I get it.  It’s time to face the ugly truth.  You can’t teach an old dog, new tricks.  The Squeeze doesn’t want to cut ties.  In some weird masochistic way, he actually needs her to control his world.

What the Hell that means to me and our relationship, I’ve no idea yet, but it doesn’t bode well.

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