Thursday, January 31, 2013

Just Do It

No, this is not an ad for Nike.  This is the attitude the Harridan takes when “ordering the Squeeze” to do the never ending list of requirements.  And we may be four years in, but when the order comes, Moodle jumps through those hoops of fire and starts dancing.  Nothing has changed there.

The Squeeze came back from camping on Wednesday evening.  As you can imagine, he trailed a pile of sand through my beautiful clean house; ran straight to the television and didn’t even think about unpacking the car. 

And let’s face it; I know him.  I know his idea of unpacking.  “drop”… “table”…  “floor”… “chuck”.  I knew that everything would be thrown in the washing machine until it was bursting at the seams and incapable of washing well.  That is if he actually remembered how to work the washing machine.  So I left for work with strict orders on “hey… the house was immaculate when you came home.  Gleaming!  And it had better be that way when I walk in the door tonight!”

Then last night, I walked in the front door and the Squeeze was nowhere to be found.  There is crap on the table; on the benches.  The laundry floor has disappeared under a mound of washing.  Tents and bags are chucked haphazardly in the garage.  There is a bag still sitting out on the back table.  Food, including cheese, that has been in the car for over a day – now resides on my bench.

All day.  He’s had all damned day.  And what has he achieved?

Well he managed to pick up the Kid and take him out for breakfast.  Then go shopping for his school uniform (WTF?  IT’s the day before school!  What about washing and ironing it???); then go to JB HI FI, just because they could.  Then off to purchase some music books, snatching up a piano book on his way out the door so he could appease the tiger he knew he would meet when he got home.

When I surveyed my once beautifully clean house, all I could think about was going to boxing and how I dared not spar with him, because quite frankly, I’d knock that damned hobbit on his arse with one good right!  And even worse, I wanted to!

We had a bit of a shouting match where in retaliation of my frosty mood, he mentioned that when I have a day off, he doesn’t send me text reminders to clean.  I got to mention the fact that he doesn’t have to – because I’m a clean freak and he is a lazy dog.  Then he bandied the word “orders” at me and I totally blew a gasket.

Yes.  How dare I send an email “order” for him to put all of the crap HE has had over the last week, away.  He doesn’t take orders.

My reply was: “of course you couldn’t do what I ordered you to do!  You’re too busy off doing what the Harridan has ordered you to do!  Because she has just been far too busy on the several months holiday she has had for her to get the kid a school uniform!  Not to mention that this way, he foots the bill.

The idiot I live with still can’t see that she is syphoning every single thing she can…  And I wonder how I’m ever supposed to get a house when he is handing cash hand over fist because he is told to.  And do I really want to suck this up for the rest of my life..?


  1. Honestly the house work = man equation does not compute. I hear every damn thing you say and you KNOW I am NOT a clean freak. But it is bloody exhausting to try to get them to be fair. So I have my own dark payback and that is what keeps me sane and stops me getting mad and blowing a gasket. Do I sound scarey? I think all women are, and can be, and men ought to be scared to evoke that bit of us...

    velvet wearing gemini :)

  2. Dear Velvet Wearing Gemini - but why are they so lazy!!! What the hell is that about? Why can they not see that living like a pig... like the images all over this website - is fricking disgusting! And my own payback is to be cold and not go out of my way at all. When there is a pause in activity, I retreat to my piano. Trouble is, the idiot doesn't even notice. If I packed his bags and threw them at his damned head, he's say "what!!??"


Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!