Astounding. No… I mean Astounding!

Every so often I get to sit here and shake my head… wondering just how the hell I mistook this current living arrangement for a relationship.

The Squeeze and I are at opposite ends of the universe.  He is most definitely Mars – a cold, barren place lacking warmth and emotion.  Empty.

I am Venus.  Hot blooded; hot tempered.  I am full of emotion – could be hot, could be cold – but there is always something there.

For the last four years, I have spent many of my weekends with the Squeeze and his assorted children.  Two of those years, I spent nearly every weekend in an objectionable house…  A filthy hovel that I named “clean freak hell”; it gave me sleepless nights wondering if a cockroach would crawl inside my ear and lay eggs.   I’ve washed and cleaned; I’ve cooked.  I’ve fixed kid’s pathetic attempts to shave their heads.  I’ve entertained, set reminders, cut oranges for soccer.

Kid 1 on my side lived in Queensland for a while; then in the UK – now he is in Perth.   We don’t get to see him very often.  Last year, Kid 2, 3 and 3’s partner decided that we should all fly to Perth and spend family time for Easter.   Tonight, I was showing the Squeeze houses in Perth I was thinking of renting for the 9 nights.  We are talking nice.  There sure as hell wasn’t going to be any cockroaches there!  Swimming pools!  Elegant!  Luxury!

What do I get..?

“I’m not going to Perth for 9 nights.  It’s your family holiday; not mine.” 

WTF?

Then, while I’m still digesting what this means, I mention that he needs to call and speak to the Harridan about one of his kids.  I don’t like the woman, she’s horrible – but she is their mother and as such, needs to be aware of the worries we discover.  Not discussing serious issues with the kids mother borders on criminal in my mind.

Then I get, “I call her tomorrow when you’re not here.”  I ask why that would be the case.  I mean isn’t it supposed to be him and I against the world..?   But when I think about it, I realise that I am the one on the outer.  I am always the one excluded from discussions - even when those discussions are about me and my home and my requirement to suddenly have their kid full time.

How am I supposed to be a family; yet not a family..?  Just how the Hell does that work?

And why the hell would I leave my beautiful home and move to another house just so that I can suffer his kid more often, if he can’t even come and spend 9 days with mine..?