The Entire Internet Thinks It's WWE

I've come to the conclusion that somewhere along the way, we accidentally turned society into one giant WWE event. Everyone is yelling, everyone is angry and everyone is cutting dramatic speeches. Every disagreement has become a steel cage match. I don't remember signing up for this, but apparently, we're all contestants now.

Social media isn't a conversation anymore. It's Monday Night Raw with Wi-Fi. Nobody simply disagrees. No, they absolutely destroy someone. They obliterate them. They humiliate them. Apparently, careers are ended before breakfast and civilisation itself hangs by a thread every Tuesday afternoon.

The audience loves it. We seem to have convinced ourselves that every issue requires heroes and villains. Good guys. Bad guys. Cheering sections. Catchphrases. All that's missing is entrance music and a bloke with a microphone yelling, "Ladies and gentlemen, weighing in at 220 pounds and representing the Department of Outrage, please welcome Karen from Facebook!"

The news isn't much better. Everything is BREAKING. Everything is EXPLOSIVE. Everything is a BOMBSHELL. You'd think meteors were raining from the sky. Meanwhile, the rest of us are standing in Aldi trying to remember whether we bought toilet paper. Actually, I’m only guessing that paragraph because I don’t watch the news anymore! For that exact reason!

Celebrities are feuding. Influencers are exposing one another. Politicians are body-slamming each other on television. People are cancelling people because someone was offended by someone who was offended by something somebody said six years ago. Honestly, I don't even know who the dickheads are anymore.

At least professional wrestling has the decency to admit it's entertainment. The rest of us pretend we're discussing serious matters while behaving like fans in the front row holding signs and screaming for blood.

We've stopped talking to each other. We've started performing for each other. Every opinion is a promo. Every comment section is a Royal Rumble. Every news cycle is WrestleMania. Somewhere in the middle of all this madness, common sense is lying unconscious under a folding chair while twenty million people argue over who won.

I suspect if aliens landed tomorrow, they'd watch us for ten minutes and conclude that humanity's primary form of government is professional wrestling with smartphones.

And honestly? They wouldn't be entirely wrong.

😁

I have to say, "common sense is lying unconscious under a folding chair" is one of those lines I can absolutely hear in your voice.