Melancholy - a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause

Yep. That just about sums up my life at the moment.

My mood today can only be described as melancholy.  I hate the sound of depression.  It’s an ugly word. It feels ugly… Colourless.

Why, you wonder, am I in a melancholy mood? I have this weird thing where my legs are hurting, like all the time. The muscle depth has diminished; they have shrunken from disuse. My legs were feeling better; not fantastic, but better (I no longer want to kill myself) so that was great. But they seem to have fallen back, not to the same degree, but it would take about five minutes until I’m back where I was… Limping.

If only I could work out what has changed from last week! My muscles feel like I ran a 10k race yesterday. But I’m not into racing and the most strenuous thing I did yesterday was to slow cook a lamb shoulder and make an apple and raspberry pie for my son and his wife! (which was yummy by the way!)

Then we have the fact that I’m tired – all the time.

It feels like I’ve been washing all day, but in fact I’ve only put a load on then shuffled to the study to write this blog…  Although I can’t for the life of me think of something that sounds remotely interesting to say!

Maybe tomorrow…

Laziest Person award goes to...

It’s now official.  I am living with the laziest man on the planet; possibly the universe.  Trust me; I know… I’ve got ex-husbands.  Lazy ones too.  But they were nothing like this.  I can now see why “clean freak hell” was clean freaking hell.

The Squeeze literally drops things where he is standing.  Just decides “don’t need this now” and drops it.   It is astounding!  Today we had stuff all over the table; my desk looks like hades; pair of boots haphazardly tossed in the spare bedroom.  Boots and socks in the lounge.  Newspapers; books; stuff… more stuff… and more!  It’s everywhere!  And I’m exhausted!  If he keeps it up, he will be living in the fricking garage.  He can knock himself out making a mess out there.

Aside from my issues with his sloppiness, the week so far… A Monday for a public holiday. The Squeeze has decided to work. What this means is he’ll take another day off. But unlike me, whose ‘day off’ usually means cleaning up the mess – he wants to watch wrestling or play guitar or some such!

Last night we had Arancini for dinner, in a tomato and chilli base. We are attempting to eat within a window of time which is bloody hard! Given that my son and his wife are coming for dinner tonight, that meant we couldn’t eat until at least 11; and then only if we can squeeze dinner into an hour and they’re not late!

Still, this is the first successful diet either of us have been on for a while; so I intend to stick with it.

Now if I could just work out why my body is in pain and won’t move! Everything is aching! I’m stretching everything… But it just won’t stretch ☹

 

Woodend..? Sounds like the end of the universe

Today, the Squeeze and I are off to Woodend. I looked it up on my navigation and it said it was about 1.5 hours away. Weird that I haven't been there; at least I don't think I have.

We are going up to babysit 2 little darlings. One is a new baby! So, I packed practical rather than romance. Clothes can be puked on. No make up. Hell, I barely packed skin care routine!

We are off out for the weekend! Sharing a house with his middle child and his wife... So, I guess sex is out lol

Start of the Footy season!

I know that half of the readers won't have a clue what I'm talking about; however, I have to say it is the start of the footy season! For those that don't know, I am a born and bred Geelong fan. 

Last year I went to the Grand Final. We lost. Now I've been to 4 winning and 5 losing Grand Finals... :'(   But I do love a Grand Final... When the umpire holds that ball up and the siren goes. For a fleeting moment, there is 100k people thinking they are going to win; and screaming their heads off.

I really loved Geelong years ago. When I used to live here; my mum, my sister and I had fabulous seats. When I moved to Melbourne, I just didn't have time. I went to the odd game - but it was a far cry from supporting them like I did in the old days.

This year, I got seats again...

Of course, this game is in the Gold Coast so not a home game and too far for me. 1774 kilometers. It is away next week too! But then...

Acquiesce!! To comply/agree passively...

I always end up acquiesce to the Squeezes hair brained schemes. I comply. Consent. Submit. Yield. Why do I do that! What makes it somehow worse, is he doesn't follow through so I end up feeling disappointed in some way! Stupid really, when you consider it wasn't what I wanted in the first place!

Years ago, I slid off the rails for a moment in time and went out with total dick.  Actually, he was a private eye, so dick by occupation, dick by nature; and let’s face it; you have to have a ‘creepy stalker’ gene to get such a gig.

I went to therapy during the five years we dated because I needed to find the root cause...   He really didn’t feature in my sessions as anything other than a shadowy representation of my love life to that point.  It wasn’t about him, or those before him.  It was about me.  I needed to understand what was inside me that kept dragging me back into unhealthy relationships.

Did I find the answer?  Not really.  I felt like I had come to an understanding; maybe.  In the end, what did that knowledge change?  Contrary to popular belief, you don’t suddenly discover the cause and from that moment on, you’re just skipping down the path of life, carefree and laughing. Well, if it is like that, it sure as hell wasn't for me!

No. I'm not about to end it all. I tell that story to set the scene. To explain what I'm like!

It is the evolution of care.

You meet someone and so begins the evolution.  “Friendship” moves into “hot”; “hot” morphs into a warmer “love”.  That “love” means you “care” a great deal about that person.  You want them to be happy; you go out of your way to ensure that happiness!  If they are not absolutely blissful, then you’re in serious trouble.  The relationship is floundering!

And therein lies my problem.  I evolved.  I morphed.  The Squeeze is still in the bloody same place. After years and years!