I’ve started to suspect that modern society doesn’t just
tolerate narcissists; it rewards them. In fact, if you gave a narcissist a
handbook titled How To Take Over The World, it would probably just be a copy of
the latest thing... Think about it.
We now live in a world where confidence is often mistaken
for competence. The loudest person in the room is assumed to be the smartest.
The person talking constantly about their achievements is seen as successful.
The person posting endless photos of themselves staring thoughtfully into the
distance apparently possesses wisdom that the rest of us can only dream of.
Meanwhile, the genuinely talented person is sitting
quietly in the corner wondering if they should apologise for existing. Social
media has poured petrol on this fire.
Once upon a time, being obsessed with yourself was
considered a character flaw. Your mother would tell you to stop showing off.
Your friends would roll their eyes and tell you to pull your head in. (and those of us in the real world, would still say it)
Now? You can build an entire career from taking photos of
yourself in a skin tight tracksuit while holding a smoothie.
The internet has created a system where attention is money,
and narcissists are natural-born millionaires. They don't suffer from
self-doubt. They don't spend three hours wondering if their email sounded rude.
They don't lie awake at 2am replaying a conversation from 1998. (like I do)
They simply wake up every morning convinced they are
fabulous; and entitled.
The thing is that narcissists often look successful because
they're willing to do things most normal people won't. They'll promote
themselves relentlessly. They'll claim expertise they don't have. They'll take
credit for group efforts. They'll step over people without losing a second of
sleep. Many decent people struggle because they're busy worrying about whether
they're inconveniencing someone by existing. (they are the people we won’t kill
when we take over the world…)
I've worked with people who could barely operate a
stapler but somehow convinced everyone they were strategic visionaries. They
spoke in corporate buzzwords, nodded thoughtfully during meetings, and managed
to climb organisational ladders like caffeinated possums.
Politics isn't much better…
The danger is that we begin to mistake narcissism for
leadership.
Real leadership isn't standing on a stage demanding
applause. It isn't posting motivational quotes over photos of yourself. It
isn't telling everyone how important you are. Real leadership is usually much
quieter.
It's showing up. Doing the work. Taking responsibility
when things go wrong.
Most of the genuinely impressive people I've met spend
very little time telling you how impressive they are.
The narcissists, however, will happily provide a
PowerPoint presentation.
We're constantly being told to build our personal brand,
promote ourselves, create content, become influencers, optimise our image and
market our lives. At some point we stopped asking whether someone was kind,
decent or trustworthy and started asking how many followers they had.
Maybe the real rebels these days aren't the people
shouting for attention. Maybe they're the people quietly getting on with life.
Being decent human beings when nobody is watching.
