Woodend..? Sounds like the end of the universe

Today, the Squeeze and I are off to Woodend. I looked it up on my navigation and it said it was about 1.5 hours away. Weird that I haven't been there; at least I don't think I have.

We are going up to babysit 2 little darlings. One is a new baby! So, I packed practical rather than romance. Clothes can be puked on. No make up. Hell, I barely packed skin care routine!

We are off out for the weekend! Sharing a house with his middle child and his wife... So, I guess sex is out lol

Start of the Footy season!

I know that half of the readers won't have a clue what I'm talking about; however, I have to say it is the start of the footy season! For those that don't know, I am a born and bred Geelong fan. 

Last year I went to the Grand Final. We lost. Now I've been to 4 winning and 5 losing Grand Finals... :'(   But I do love a Grand Final... When the umpire holds that ball up and the siren goes. For a fleeting moment, there is 100k people thinking they are going to win; and screaming their heads off.

I really loved Geelong years ago. When I used to live here; my mum, my sister and I had fabulous seats. When I moved to Melbourne, I just didn't have time. I went to the odd game - but it was a far cry from supporting them like I did in the old days.

This year, I got seats again...

Of course, this game is in the Gold Coast so not a home game and too far for me. 1774 kilometers. It is away next week too! But then...

Acquiesce!! To comply/agree passively...

I always end up acquiesce to the Squeezes hair brained schemes. I comply. Consent. Submit. Yield. Why do I do that! What makes it somehow worse, is he doesn't follow through so I end up feeling disappointed in some way! Stupid really, when you consider it wasn't what I wanted in the first place!

Years ago, I slid off the rails for a moment in time and went out with total dick.  Actually, he was a private eye, so dick by occupation, dick by nature; and let’s face it; you have to have a ‘creepy stalker’ gene to get such a gig.

I went to therapy during the five years we dated because I needed to find the root cause...   He really didn’t feature in my sessions as anything other than a shadowy representation of my love life to that point.  It wasn’t about him, or those before him.  It was about me.  I needed to understand what was inside me that kept dragging me back into unhealthy relationships.

Did I find the answer?  Not really.  I felt like I had come to an understanding; maybe.  In the end, what did that knowledge change?  Contrary to popular belief, you don’t suddenly discover the cause and from that moment on, you’re just skipping down the path of life, carefree and laughing. Well, if it is like that, it sure as hell wasn't for me!

No. I'm not about to end it all. I tell that story to set the scene. To explain what I'm like!

It is the evolution of care.

You meet someone and so begins the evolution.  “Friendship” moves into “hot”; “hot” morphs into a warmer “love”.  That “love” means you “care” a great deal about that person.  You want them to be happy; you go out of your way to ensure that happiness!  If they are not absolutely blissful, then you’re in serious trouble.  The relationship is floundering!

And therein lies my problem.  I evolved.  I morphed.  The Squeeze is still in the bloody same place. After years and years!

Clean Up Time - Again

I awoke to a messy, but silent house this morning.  The worst part was that I felt, along with the serenity, a measure of guilt, because I’m pretty sure that the Squeeze had a lot of running around to do this morning… I mean unlike the old days when it took him an hour to get to work across Melbourne through the never-ending traffic, now it takes him a leisurely 15-minute journey; and that's with stopping on the way to grab a coffee.

I came across the speech I wrote for my Dad’s 80^th birthday, which I sat and read and then proceeded to cry. I had written some damned funny lines in it, but still, it sucked. Worse still, with the writing I got stuck travelling down memory lane. I remembered just how much it sucked to be a teenager and it really hasn’t got much better as an adult. You are still at the mercy of everyone who has more than you.

More brains. More money. More everything.

It sucks really because I find, generally, they are the worst of humanity… Oh where is the alien invasion already! Something is coming… The end of the world. I don’t know why but I feel like something is coming. Something big. It maybe war; those Iranian leaders appear to want to wrestle. And maybe that’s it. Put Iran’s Supreme Leader and Trump in wresting gear and get them to fight it out! (Oh God… The image. My eyes!!)

But I got off on a tangent… Enjoying the little story in my head...

I’m not exactly flush with cash most of the time. My brains not what it once was (bloody brain damage) but it is a lot better. You can tell, I’m blogging again. I’m writing… I have my website up and working… But still, about 80% of the world is smarter than me and possibly richer.

Unless I win tattslotto; but that has never been a fabulous plan to wait for  :)

Brooding over life...

Okay, I haven't exactly been sitting awake all night and brooding about life, although it is 2.50 am here in Geelong and I’m still awake. I like the old brain damaged version of me better. The one that got into bed and was out like a light five seconds later! My brain was so busy working on itself that I didn’t have time to dream. I still don’t, which I miss. I used to have the most realistic, full technicolor dreams where upon awaking, I would think for the first ten minutes that it had really happened! Which is funny I guess, given I usually dreamed of vampires or some such thing.

I'm having a sleepless night where work (or the lack of) is spinning around in my head, which turns to God knows what.   I’m like Alice down the rabbit hole! Everything leads to nothing which leads to the fanciful. Boy, if I could map it out…

Then I update my Words With Friends with my sister who is sleepless in another town...  Then I sleep for what feels like 8.4 seconds before I'm awake again.  It's a vicious cycle that escalates stress as the clock ticks forward and the hours until my damned alarm goes off.

At least now I can switch it off and go back to sleep… Where upon my mind tosses and turns again!

At about 4 am, I checked email and discovered a comment on my blog.  I have no idea if I have a fan base that consists of more than my family and close friends.  I don't even think they read it; just follow.  I do average a good 150+ hits a night which sometimes astounds me.  If I fell on this website while surfing one night, I'd probably make a snap judgement about what a whiny little bitch I am. Although I'd like to think I'd delve a little deeper before snapping off a comment.

So, for reasons that I am unaware of, comments are pretty thin on the ground.  Granted, every so often I've defended myself swiftly and harshly, so those people have probably never ventured back; and if they have, they sure as Hell weren't going to open their mouths.  But hey, until you walk a mile in my shoes, it's oh so easy to see the world in a different way; and that is everyone, including the Squeeze.