I Am Now Qualified to Save Your Life...

I passed my Life Saving Course!

It was actually great. Interesting, practical and rather reassuring. I now know what to do if someone collapses, chokes, bleeds profusely or otherwise decides to create a medical emergency in my immediate vicinity. Whether I’ll remember every single step while somebody is turning blue remains to be seen, but according to the certificate, I am officially qualified!

It was also enormously time-consuming. There was online study, questions, demonstrations, more questions and an impressive number of ways for the human body to suddenly go wrong. By the end of it, I felt as though I’d completed a medical degree—albeit one where everybody kept shouting, “Call 000!”

Then came CPR.

Getting down onto the floor to perform CPR was quite a feat in itself. Saving the patient was almost secondary; first I had to make sure I didn’t become the second casualty. There was lowering, manoeuvring, careful placement of limbs and a brief moment when I wondered whether they had a crane available. Still, I got down there, pumped enthusiastically on the plastic patient’s chest and proved that I could keep someone alive.

Getting back up again probably wasn’t included in the assessment—which was fortunate.

But I did it. I passed, I learned a great deal, and I’m genuinely glad I completed it. It may have taken up half my natural life and required physical manoeuvres worthy of an Olympic event, but I am now qualified to save yours.

Just try to collapse somewhere elevated.

Knee-Deep in First Aid

I’m currently knee-deep in a first aid course, learning how to save lives—or at least select the correct answer from four suspiciously similar options.

Apparently, “give them a cup of tea and see how they feel” is never the answer. Nor is “panic loudly and call someone more qualified.”

By the end of this, I’ll be ready for any emergency. Provided it happens in multiple-choice format. 

Yay! I Picked My T-shirt Up!

It looks pretty cool! 

Sing out via email if you want one and what size...

I got another one coming, that is in white...

As for the cost... I'm not sure.

It cost me $45 bucks and then throw postage on top.

I'll source them cheaper...

Inspirational Quotes - Should Be Illegal...

I opened Facebook this morning and was immediately told to rise, grind and chase my dreams.

It was 7.14am.

I hadn’t even found my glasses; and although I have great vision... I can't read anything on my iPhone without them!

Apparently, while I was lying in bed wondering whether I could be bothered getting up, thousands of highly motivated people had already meditated, exercised, written in their gratitude journals, drunk three litres of water and built a small business from their kitchen table.

Good for them.

I made coffee.

Then another post appeared: “You have the same number of hours in the day as Beyoncé.”

No, I bloody don’t.

Beyoncé has assistants, chefs, drivers, stylists and people whose entire job is probably to locate her missing phone. I have a cat sitting on something I need and a robot vacuum that regularly sends me distress messages about water or being clogged!

We need rules. Nobody should be allowed to post anything about “winning the morning” until the rest of us have had caffeine and confirmed that our knees still work. Personally, I don't think they should ever be allowed... They should all be rounded up and shot... (extreme I know)

And anyone using the phrase “Your only limit is you” should be required to spend one afternoon dealing with Centrelink, an insurance company and a self-serve checkout.

Sometimes your limit isn’t you.

Sometimes your limit is being placed on hold for 173 minutes while a recorded voice tells you that your call is important.

Now that’s inspirational.

I'm Testing Something...

Hello world!  This is me testing the Microsoft recorder. It records your voice instead of having to key this whole thing out, which is really cool.

Oh, it did it! I said: "new line" and it made a new paragraph!

I might leave this up all the time now. I'll just have to think about what I'm going to say... and say it.

Bloody hell, my phone is listening too; typing all the words. Stop listening!