I realised that this was going happen about the same time as the Squeeze told me if I couldn't have the kid full time, then he would move out and have the kid whenever he wanted. That was moment.
I just hadn't figured it out yet.
But since then; all the discussion and negotiation... And it has achieved nothing really. I capitulate... Again and again. But it is never enough. I have to give just a little bit more. And although anything he does for my children is "just part of the package..."; I get to hear about it in comparison to my reaction to his. I'm not sure how driving with a car load of household items from Oakleigh to Mentone 3 times over a weekend can possibly equate to raising a 15 yo friendless boy 50-60% of my time but hey, I never said I was the most intelligent creature on the face of the Earth.
So it seems that I am to raise his child... Yet he can't spend 8 days in Perth with mine..? Easter weekend would have been one thing... But 8 days??!! How dare I! WTF is that about? And in reality, I don't even want to know what that is about. I don't even care about what that is about.
I keep waiting for the moment when I mean something. When I get to the top of the Squeeze totem pole. When what I say or need or want isn't totally disregarded. When some witch doesn't rule my world...
But we all know, that will be a cold day in hell.
So here I sit. Notice given on my place. Packing boxes scatter the floor. Odd cupboards and drawers empty... Hollow.
And suddenly I see that it will never be enough. He will always want more and display outrage when I point out how unreasonable these requests are.
And this just isn't something I want anymore.
So I guess the Carnival is Over.