Monday, February 18, 2013

The Carnival is Over

I've fought a long, hard battle; but eventually, even I have to stop banging my head on a wall and just walk away.

I realised that this was going happen about the same time as the Squeeze told me if I couldn't have the kid full time, then he would move out and have the kid whenever he wanted. That was moment.

I just hadn't figured it out yet.

But since then; all the discussion and negotiation... And it has achieved nothing really. I capitulate... Again and again. But it is never enough.  I have to give just a little bit more.  And although anything he does for my children is "just part of the package..."; I get to hear about it in comparison to my reaction to his.  I'm not sure how driving  with a car load of household items from Oakleigh to Mentone 3 times over a weekend can possibly equate to raising a 15 yo friendless boy 50-60% of my time but hey, I never said I was the most intelligent creature on the face of the Earth.

So it seems that I am to raise his child... Yet he can't spend 8 days in Perth with mine..?  Easter weekend would have been one thing...  But 8 days??!!  How dare I!   WTF is that about?   And in reality, I don't even want to know what that is about.  I don't even care about what that is about.

I keep waiting for the moment when I mean something. When I get to the top of the Squeeze totem pole.  When what I say or need or want isn't totally disregarded.  When some witch doesn't rule my world...

But we all know, that will be a cold day in hell.

So here I sit.  Notice given on my place.  Packing boxes scatter the floor. Odd cupboards and drawers empty...  Hollow.

And suddenly I see that it will never be enough.  He will always want more and display outrage when I point out how unreasonable these requests are.

And this just isn't something I want anymore.

She wins.

So I guess the Carnival is Over.

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Thanks. Better check it out but it should be up today!