Funny Reaction!

I took my Mum out for brunch today, which is not as easy as it used to be. You used to just arrive at her place, leave the car running for her to run out and jump in the car. Now days, it takes about half an hour of swaying to work up enough momentum to get into the car! And that is before you drive down the road with conversation! It's 'what did you say?' or 'did I tell you about...' Of course she did. Probably ten times!

But I found it interesting how horrified she was at picking out our funeral... the plots etc. Her reaction was enough! She kept saying 'but why? My reply was so that the kids don't have to think about it...  I want to spare any of our children making decisions. 

And; I want to say what happens...

My mother, her ashes are to be buried with Dad. Today, she said she wanted them scattered at the beach. I thought well that's nice, I have that written down. Do you? She doesn't so it will be in the plant next to Dad!

I said I want to be scattered too. However, I'd like a tablespoon of my ashes in the pot with Dad and Cain (and Sharpie when he is gone)... Probably the Squeeze! Just so if there is a life after death, we can find everyone! :)

Shopping! ... for headstones

This doesn't sound very exciting... But it's quite a huge feat getting the Squeeze to go shopping for headstones.

Not that either one of us is getting ready for a reason; there are no imminent death threats. Neither is quite ready to pop our clogs just yet. It is more about being prepared in case something happens (and knowing my luck...)

Sparing the kids any grief is the idea and If we do it all ourselves, it means there can be no arguments over what is happening.

Now I get along with the Squeeze's kids, and he gets along with mine...  But I've seen plenty of kids for all intents and purposes love their stepparents. But what if; say one of the Squeezes kids insisted he be buried next to the Harridan? Aside from the fact that he would be screaming until eternity, it would suck for me...

The girl that took us around said that most married men who have gone on to their 2nd wives, get buried besides their first wife! Here is hoping she meant widowers; not divorced!

So, meet our final resting place! The rock will have our names on it, because it is for 2 people. We are not having a funeral. Being cremated and hopefully our loved ones can go for a great lunch with plenty of laughter! Well, that's the intention anyhow!

Weird Weather...

Well, it's raining... Again.

I have been up in Melbourne for a few days with my daughter who was moving house. God... That's all I can say! We lifted stuff. We cleaned. We drove between the old place and the new... But it was well worth the move! As I said to them; they went from a new house/new area to an old house/old area. Boy... Can you tell the difference!

This house, although not quite as big as the old one; has a yard! And looks brilliant.

My house is 63 years old; soon to be 64. It has been done up over the years until now, it is hardly recognizable since it was first built but... The point is that it's gorgeous. It is exactly right for me.

My sister phoned me about 12 years ago and said that she knew I was looking in another area, but to have a look at this! I loved it; went and looked at it and put an offer in that same day.

I loved it here. I still love it. I love the fact that it is now worth twice what I paid too...

Melancholy - a feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause

Yep. That just about sums up my life at the moment.

My mood today can only be described as melancholy.  I hate the sound of depression.  It’s an ugly word. It feels ugly… Colourless.

Why, you wonder, am I in a melancholy mood? I have this weird thing where my legs are hurting, like all the time. The muscle depth has diminished; they have shrunken from disuse. My legs were feeling better; not fantastic, but better (I no longer want to kill myself) so that was great. But they seem to have fallen back, not to the same degree, but it would take about five minutes until I’m back where I was… Limping.

If only I could work out what has changed from last week! My muscles feel like I ran a 10k race yesterday. But I’m not into racing and the most strenuous thing I did yesterday was to slow cook a lamb shoulder and make an apple and raspberry pie for my son and his wife! (which was yummy by the way!)

Then we have the fact that I’m tired – all the time.

It feels like I’ve been washing all day, but in fact I’ve only put a load on then shuffled to the study to write this blog…  Although I can’t for the life of me think of something that sounds remotely interesting to say!

Maybe tomorrow…

Laziest Person award goes to...

It’s now official.  I am living with the laziest man on the planet; possibly the universe.  Trust me; I know… I’ve got ex-husbands.  Lazy ones too.  But they were nothing like this.  I can now see why “clean freak hell” was clean freaking hell.

The Squeeze literally drops things where he is standing.  Just decides “don’t need this now” and drops it.   It is astounding!  Today we had stuff all over the table; my desk looks like hades; pair of boots haphazardly tossed in the spare bedroom.  Boots and socks in the lounge.  Newspapers; books; stuff… more stuff… and more!  It’s everywhere!  And I’m exhausted!  If he keeps it up, he will be living in the fricking garage.  He can knock himself out making a mess out there.

Aside from my issues with his sloppiness, the week so far… A Monday for a public holiday. The Squeeze has decided to work. What this means is he’ll take another day off. But unlike me, whose ‘day off’ usually means cleaning up the mess – he wants to watch wrestling or play guitar or some such!

Last night we had Arancini for dinner, in a tomato and chilli base. We are attempting to eat within a window of time which is bloody hard! Given that my son and his wife are coming for dinner tonight, that meant we couldn’t eat until at least 11; and then only if we can squeeze dinner into an hour and they’re not late!

Still, this is the first successful diet either of us have been on for a while; so I intend to stick with it.

Now if I could just work out why my body is in pain and won’t move! Everything is aching! I’m stretching everything… But it just won’t stretch ☹

 

Woodend..? Sounds like the end of the universe

Today, the Squeeze and I are off to Woodend. I looked it up on my navigation and it said it was about 1.5 hours away. Weird that I haven't been there; at least I don't think I have.

We are going up to babysit 2 little darlings. One is a new baby! So, I packed practical rather than romance. Clothes can be puked on. No make up. Hell, I barely packed skin care routine!

We are off out for the weekend! Sharing a house with his middle child and his wife... So, I guess sex is out lol

Start of the Footy season!

I know that half of the readers won't have a clue what I'm talking about; however, I have to say it is the start of the footy season! For those that don't know, I am a born and bred Geelong fan. 

Last year I went to the Grand Final. We lost. Now I've been to 4 winning and 5 losing Grand Finals... :'(   But I do love a Grand Final... When the umpire holds that ball up and the siren goes. For a fleeting moment, there is 100k people thinking they are going to win; and screaming their heads off.

I really loved Geelong years ago. When I used to live here; my mum, my sister and I had fabulous seats. When I moved to Melbourne, I just didn't have time. I went to the odd game - but it was a far cry from supporting them like I did in the old days.

This year, I got seats again...

Of course, this game is in the Gold Coast so not a home game and too far for me. 1774 kilometers. It is away next week too! But then...

Acquiesce!! To comply/agree passively...

I always end up acquiesce to the Squeezes hair brained schemes. I comply. Consent. Submit. Yield. Why do I do that! What makes it somehow worse, is he doesn't follow through so I end up feeling disappointed in some way! Stupid really, when you consider it wasn't what I wanted in the first place!

Years ago, I slid off the rails for a moment in time and went out with total dick.  Actually, he was a private eye, so dick by occupation, dick by nature; and let’s face it; you have to have a ‘creepy stalker’ gene to get such a gig.

I went to therapy during the five years we dated because I needed to find the root cause...   He really didn’t feature in my sessions as anything other than a shadowy representation of my love life to that point.  It wasn’t about him, or those before him.  It was about me.  I needed to understand what was inside me that kept dragging me back into unhealthy relationships.

Did I find the answer?  Not really.  I felt like I had come to an understanding; maybe.  In the end, what did that knowledge change?  Contrary to popular belief, you don’t suddenly discover the cause and from that moment on, you’re just skipping down the path of life, carefree and laughing. Well, if it is like that, it sure as hell wasn't for me!

No. I'm not about to end it all. I tell that story to set the scene. To explain what I'm like!

It is the evolution of care.

You meet someone and so begins the evolution.  “Friendship” moves into “hot”; “hot” morphs into a warmer “love”.  That “love” means you “care” a great deal about that person.  You want them to be happy; you go out of your way to ensure that happiness!  If they are not absolutely blissful, then you’re in serious trouble.  The relationship is floundering!

And therein lies my problem.  I evolved.  I morphed.  The Squeeze is still in the bloody same place. After years and years!

Clean Up Time - Again

I awoke to a messy, but silent house this morning.  The worst part was that I felt, along with the serenity, a measure of guilt, because I’m pretty sure that the Squeeze had a lot of running around to do this morning… I mean unlike the old days when it took him an hour to get to work across Melbourne through the never-ending traffic, now it takes him a leisurely 15-minute journey; and that's with stopping on the way to grab a coffee.

I came across the speech I wrote for my Dad’s 80^th birthday, which I sat and read and then proceeded to cry. I had written some damned funny lines in it, but still, it sucked. Worse still, with the writing I got stuck travelling down memory lane. I remembered just how much it sucked to be a teenager and it really hasn’t got much better as an adult. You are still at the mercy of everyone who has more than you.

More brains. More money. More everything.

It sucks really because I find, generally, they are the worst of humanity… Oh where is the alien invasion already! Something is coming… The end of the world. I don’t know why but I feel like something is coming. Something big. It maybe war; those Iranian leaders appear to want to wrestle. And maybe that’s it. Put Iran’s Supreme Leader and Trump in wresting gear and get them to fight it out! (Oh God… The image. My eyes!!)

But I got off on a tangent… Enjoying the little story in my head...

I’m not exactly flush with cash most of the time. My brains not what it once was (bloody brain damage) but it is a lot better. You can tell, I’m blogging again. I’m writing… I have my website up and working… But still, about 80% of the world is smarter than me and possibly richer.

Unless I win tattslotto; but that has never been a fabulous plan to wait for  :)

Brooding over life...

Okay, I haven't exactly been sitting awake all night and brooding about life, although it is 2.50 am here in Geelong and I’m still awake. I like the old brain damaged version of me better. The one that got into bed and was out like a light five seconds later! My brain was so busy working on itself that I didn’t have time to dream. I still don’t, which I miss. I used to have the most realistic, full technicolor dreams where upon awaking, I would think for the first ten minutes that it had really happened! Which is funny I guess, given I usually dreamed of vampires or some such thing.

I'm having a sleepless night where work (or the lack of) is spinning around in my head, which turns to God knows what.   I’m like Alice down the rabbit hole! Everything leads to nothing which leads to the fanciful. Boy, if I could map it out…

Then I update my Words With Friends with my sister who is sleepless in another town...  Then I sleep for what feels like 8.4 seconds before I'm awake again.  It's a vicious cycle that escalates stress as the clock ticks forward and the hours until my damned alarm goes off.

At least now I can switch it off and go back to sleep… Where upon my mind tosses and turns again!

At about 4 am, I checked email and discovered a comment on my blog.  I have no idea if I have a fan base that consists of more than my family and close friends.  I don't even think they read it; just follow.  I do average a good 150+ hits a night which sometimes astounds me.  If I fell on this website while surfing one night, I'd probably make a snap judgement about what a whiny little bitch I am. Although I'd like to think I'd delve a little deeper before snapping off a comment.

So, for reasons that I am unaware of, comments are pretty thin on the ground.  Granted, every so often I've defended myself swiftly and harshly, so those people have probably never ventured back; and if they have, they sure as Hell weren't going to open their mouths.  But hey, until you walk a mile in my shoes, it's oh so easy to see the world in a different way; and that is everyone, including the Squeeze. 

Gillian Welch and David Rawlings

Last night we went to see Gillian Welch and David Rawlings.

What a fantastic night! It was almost like a loungeroom gig; smooth. Laid back. Of course, the last song for the evening was Revelator, which I love... In fact, that was the whole reason I went. Suffice to say from here on in, I'm a fan.

I'm glad that I didn't. I have to admit, I almost said to the squeeze I'm exhausted. Can we wag and skip it. I was bloody tired. Can he see we are old? We should be home in bed on a Sunday night. Then I walked in and everyone was old! Older than me I expect...

Gillian Welch and David Rawlings

The Squeeze, damn him, got it right. I'd never heard of her until he started playing Revelator. Damned idiot. Why couldn't he keep playing his awful jazz?

I'm not talking Billie Holiday either.

Think every damned instrument vying for attention... screaming "look at me! look at me!"

Yep. That is closer to it...

It is a lazy Sunday!

This morning, I got to sleep in until I felt like getting up! I find it amazing that we just seem to settle into the new normal. Last year, and every year before that; I had work to go to. It was up, shower, makeup, breakfast and then a rush to get gone.

Now I don't.

Oh; I still get up and depending what is on, I may rush somewhere, but I can count on my hand how many times I've had to do makeup since I stopped work in November last year. And it is heaven...

Tonight, I will have to do makeup, but then just a sweep over my eyelashes with mascara. I'm still old fashioned. I'm not like the hordes of youth that have eyelashes so long they could sweep the world. Half of them look gunky; freaking ugly if you ask me.

I saw a cartoon as I passing by somewhere the other day. It was archeologists digging up people from today. I had to laugh. They were digging up skeletons with fake tits and fake lips; eyelashes... Hair. And I thought aren't these people ridiculous. In the pursuit of beauty, they become someone who isn't them.

So; life is good! For me.