One man’s truth…

He was supposed to be my lover; my partner.  He was supposed to be my best friend.  It doesn’t feel like that anymore.  It hasn’t for a while.  I see now that I’ve lost all three; lover, partner and best friend.  I also see that it isn’t a huge loss; given the way he has treated me over the last year.

Still, I didn’t realise until today how important keeping the friendship was to me.  But it would seem it was only important to me, for he made it impossible to exist in my world on any level.  And no one does “dead to me” like I do.  I will forgive just about anything; but I can’t forgive liars or cheats. 

The Squeeze came over today to collect his hard drive and set up my surround sound.  Truth tell, I was still living in the delusional world of “I dumped your ass mo fo!” because he was weak.  I was sick of that lesbian bitch telling him what he should and shouldn’t want.  And trust me; it was all about her; he is the weakest man I ever met.  I love my kids; but I don’t believe them outright over someone else.  I investigate and get to the truth, because kids have been known to lie.  Well all except for his of course.  And his have every reason to be liars.  I took their wallet and baby sitter after all and mummy dearest didn’t like it.  She didn’t like it one little bit.  She has manipulated life and truth since and they have folded like the sycophants they are.

I have mentioned several times; that he kicked me to the kerb for the toad on the very first weekend I moved, which kind of felt like he forced my hand.  I asked him about it.  Several times; each time was met with denial.  Until today.  Today I learned that he pushed the envelope that ended our relationship because:

   1: I didn’t like listening to jazz.  (wtf – who that is sane does???)

   2: I made his kid feel unwanted when he came.  (Probably because he is an ugly, lying, pimple faced toad – that basically has mummy’s hand up his arse dictating his reality)

   3: He wanted to have said toad whenever he was ‘told’ he wanted to.  Ummm what about my kids..?  My family...?  Yes; I know. They don't count.  When the toad wants over here; that's all that counts.

Well.  Can’t argue with that.  Power to them. 

It doesn’t matter that I moved house to give it a shot.  Doesn’t matter that every “proviso” I put in place that would allow for a shared environment to work, didn’t eventuate; didn’t matter that this filthy toad couldn’t seem to wash his hands after holding his dick before going in my fridge – the argument for that was “I didn’t get sick”.  Lucky Squeeze; frankly, looking at the toad makes me sick.  Thinking of eating anything in my fridge after the toad’s penis juice was spread around, made me gag.  Worse, made my daughter gag.  And shit, call me a weirdo, but I actually have responsibilities too!

So; let's examine those comments a little more closely.  I don’t like jazz.   Who does?  Really..?  We are talking Miles Davis mind of “every instrument vying for attention kind of shit”

I made the poor little toad feel unwelcome...  I mean more than he pushed unwelcome down my throat by wiping his snot on my wall…???  He had being rude to me face down to an art form!  Never when his idiot father was there of course.  Living like a serial killer upstairs; that freaked everyone out.  Not one person liked him; not even my father who likes everyone.  He thought he was a Martin Bryant in the making.  Which is exactly what I thought.

On a final note, the Squeeze said to me that he shared a relationship with his kids that was the same as mine.  Delusional; thy name is Squeeze.  Last birthday, on his birthday, the only present he got was from mine.  Up until I came along, they made certain to buy the lesbian something, but never the Squeeze.

Good luck with sitting around your bedside while you die; as I am doing this month with my father.