I Am Now Qualified to Save Your Life...

I passed my Life Saving Course!

It was actually great. Interesting, practical and rather reassuring. I now know what to do if someone collapses, chokes, bleeds profusely or otherwise decides to create a medical emergency in my immediate vicinity. Whether I’ll remember every single step while somebody is turning blue remains to be seen, but according to the certificate, I am officially qualified!

It was also enormously time-consuming. There was online study, questions, demonstrations, more questions and an impressive number of ways for the human body to suddenly go wrong. By the end of it, I felt as though I’d completed a medical degree—albeit one where everybody kept shouting, “Call 000!”

Then came CPR.

Getting down onto the floor to perform CPR was quite a feat in itself. Saving the patient was almost secondary; first I had to make sure I didn’t become the second casualty. There was lowering, manoeuvring, careful placement of limbs and a brief moment when I wondered whether they had a crane available. Still, I got down there, pumped enthusiastically on the plastic patient’s chest and proved that I could keep someone alive.

Getting back up again probably wasn’t included in the assessment—which was fortunate.

But I did it. I passed, I learned a great deal, and I’m genuinely glad I completed it. It may have taken up half my natural life and required physical manoeuvres worthy of an Olympic event, but I am now qualified to save yours.

Just try to collapse somewhere elevated.