The Coconut Boats: A Cultural Exchange Nobody Asked For

Today we went on the famous coconut boats. You know the ones — round basket boats that look like someone lost a fight with a giant salad bowl and decided to float in it anyway.

Absolute chaos.

The river was jam packed with tourists, boats bumping into each other, people waving phones around trying to get “authentic travel content” while nearly being launched into the water by enthusiastic rowing. Every second boat had loud music blasting. At one point I’m pretty sure three different versions of Gangnam Style were playing at once.

And then our driver discovered we were Australian.

That was it.

The man transformed into a one-person Australia Day celebration.

“AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!”

“OI OI OI!”

Every five minutes.

Every time another boat went past.

Every time he spun the boat.

At one point I think he forgot how to steer because he was too busy yelling “OI!” at random strangers on the river.

Honestly though, it was impossible not to laugh. The guy was having the time of his life. Meanwhile the Squeeze looked like he was trying to maintain dignity inside a floating wicker fruit bowl while being aggressively serenaded by patriotic chanting.

The entire thing was ridiculous in the best possible way.

Tourist trap? Absolutely.

Did we love it anyway? Unfortunately yes.