Group Therapy…

There is something uniquely Australian about dragging yourself to the football in weather that can’t decide whether it wants to freeze you to death or cook you alive. And yet there we all were, marching toward the stadium to watch Geelong Cats take on Sydney Swans like it was some kind of religious pilgrimage.

The crowd was already buzzing before the first bounce. Half the people looked emotionally stable. The other half were Geelong supporters screaming about holding the ball before the players had even run out. Football really is the only place where grown adults can lose their minds over a bloke named Gary (we still miss Gary senior, let alone junior!) missing  

We squeezed into our seats carrying enough food to survive a minor apocalypse. Meat pies. Chips. Drinks. The kind of dinner that says, “Cardiologists hate this one simple trick.”

The Squeeze immediately became an elite-level coach from Row P.

“MOVE IT!”
“KICK IT!”
“WHAT WAS THAT?!” 

 As though Chris Scott might suddenly stop the game, look into the crowd and yell, “Hang on everyone, Carol’s husband has a point.”

The game itself was chaos. One minute Geelong looked unstoppable. The next Sydney came charging back and the entire stadium developed collective high blood pressure. Every near mark caused fifty thousand people to inhale at once like a giant asthma attack.

And the umpiring. Dear God. AFL fans don’t actually attend football to enjoy the sport. They attend to passionately boo men in fluorescent clothing for three straight hours. Some bloke behind us spent the entire night explaining the rules incorrectly at full volume to his girlfriend, who looked like she was reconsidering every life decision that led her there.

By the final quarter everyone around us had emotionally deteriorated. Voices were gone. Nerves shot. Beer prices criminal. Yet somehow there’s nowhere else Australians would rather be than freezing in a stadium screaming “BALLLLLL” at strangers.

And honestly? Walking out afterwards with thousands of other exhausted supporters, still arguing about free kicks and bad decisions like any of us actually know what we’re talking about, is part of the fun.

The scores; The Cats (Grelong) won; we were 107 to Sydney 80’

Football in Australia isn’t just sport. It’s group therapy with scarves.