Apparently Size Matters...

Yesterday I listed my coffee machine for sale.

Perhaps I should put it into context… We were going out for lunch, so we dressed; I put makeup on, so we are looking good! We start off down the highway and when we are about halfway there, my brother-in-law calls. It seems my call to check the time we were expected caused a catastrophe. My sister went running for the phone, tripped and went down hard on the tiles. So, lunch is out and they are off to the hospital.

We were near JB HIFI when the call came so the Squeeze suggests going in for a look as it is end of tax year sales (June). So, we went in.

We were only in there half an hour tops! Came out, $5500 lighter… Came out with a new TV, Coffee Machine and new Sonos sound bar and a sub. I'm convinced those shops pump some sort of gas through the air-conditioning.

So, there is absolutely nothing wrong with my coffee machine. It makes excellent coffee. Every morning it faithfully delivers caffeine into my bloodstream without complaint. But apparently, we've reached that stage of life where perfectly good possessions are discarded because we've bought something else.

Then came the television.

Not because it's broken. Not because the picture is bad. Not because it catches fire occasionally. No. Because it's only sixty-five inches.

Apparently seventy-five inches would be better.

Now, for context, this television lives in the bedroom. The bedroom. You know... the room where you're supposed to be asleep for roughly a third of your life.

Our current television is so large that if I wake up suddenly, I briefly think I've been admitted to a private cinema. I genuinely don't understand how another ten inches is going to transform our viewing experience. At some point you're no longer watching television. You're being stalked by it.

Men have an extraordinary relationship with size. Cars. Engines. Barbecues. Power tools. If there's a larger version available, somewhere a bloke is already convincing himself he absolutely needs it. Which does not fit with the Squeeze. His weird relationship is technology… He couldn’t care less about Cars. Engines. Barbecues. Power tools. But put him near technology and he is preaching from the handbook!

"It'll be so much better." Will it?

It's the same Netflix. The same football. The same news reminding us that the world is on fire. Just... bigger. The funniest part is trying to sell perfectly good things online. Within minutes someone messages, "What's your lowest price?" I don't know, Karen. What's your highest?

Then someone else asks if I'll deliver it. For free. To the other side of Victoria. Another asks if it's still available, then disappears forever, only to reappear three weeks later asking exactly the same question.

Facebook Marketplace isn't a marketplace. It's a psychological endurance test. I swear it's designed to find out exactly how many stupid questions one person can answer before they snap.

So today I'm saying goodbye to my faithful coffee machine and trying to convince complete strangers that a sixty-five-inch Samsung Frame television is somehow inadequate. Personally, I think it's enormous. But apparently around here...

...it's just not big enough.

And my sister... A broken arm!